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Pneumatic Devotion

I am here for Friends and Networking

About Me

"This is what is sad when one contemplates human life, that so many live out their lives in quiet lostness ... they live, as it were, away from themselves and vanish like shadows. Their immortal souls are blown away, and they are not disquieted by the question of its immortality, because they are already disintegrated before they die." - Soren Kierkegaard---- * ----- * ----- * ----I am a proper noun, and improper in so many clumsy ways. So much of what is known of a person is the subtleties of experience and desire worked into their ordinary details: the things they smile about, their eyes, the way they take their coffee, how they sleep. The dark depths and the pretty shallows. Shoals of dreams, swimming in chaos and paradox. All things sensual are fragile to some degree. My mouth struggles around vowels I can't pronounce, names that can't be said. What I want is what is genuine, amorphous, and free to become what we believe into being. Why are people so afraid of feeling, so detached from what they are? Meaningfulness is a better goal than happiness... to savor and find the rare. Find what you love and hold your ear to its chest. I suppose I don't understand many people because all they seem is destruction and numbing: no passion, no thought, no attachment ... and I can't stand the violence of that. I think that sensuality is proof of life and don't trust people that don't like food or senses... they have no art. Nothing that is not only about pure experience, the intuition of feeling.---- * ---- * ---- * ----I believe that there is nothing more important in the world - especially considering what a brief flicker this certainty is - than to love and be loved for all of who we are. In quotes because why should I stumble and grasp for something already better said: "The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." -Victor Hugo. Now, if it weren't so very difficult. Perhaps I should learn to listen more than speak. Thanks to those that love me despite myself.--- *---"Either we have no dreams or we have interesting ones.—We need to learn to be awake in the same way:—either not at all or in an interesting way." ~ Nietzsche, who was vastly misread...

My Interests

The difference between leaves and not just seasons, character, writing, reading, theatre, film (I love film), surreality, character that unravels from the inside, subtlty, humor, conversation, road trips, vistas, confidence, expression, being, constant learning, constant striving, the journey, walks, Golden Gate Park, decadence, rapture, words as they yearn to communicate, social and political theory, exquisite morsels, sensuality for its own sake, people watching, hiking, trees, rain (especially warm rain and puddle jumping), fitness (mind, body, soul), integration, passionate people (there has to be more than a pulse), culture, giggling honestly and laughing unabashedly, long mornings, late nights, possibility (making it real, come .., the taste of sunsets, pomegranates, unraveling, not being satisfied with fate, integrity, orchids, sincerity (I love sincerity), knowing every day to be an adventure ...

I'd like to meet:

Those who cultivate and nurture the delicate and the beautiful. The appreciative and creative hearts that understand the strength of meaning and the boldness of being gentle.Interesting people that actually have something to say that isn't just a ploy. Oh -- and while I believe that people have the extraordinary capacity to be amazing and beautiful creatures, I find it frustrating that 99.8% of the population seems a bit on the grazing side of life for f*ck sake. Consumption-driven people that are just going to post me half-naked photos with over-compensating muscle cars and ignore everything I may have to say please just show a little impulse control (trust me, it's sexy) and DON'T contact me. Hard as it may be to believe, I don't need you and you probably wouldn't like me anyway. If I just wanted to get laid, I'm sure there's a site for that too -- and several hundred other ways. Besides, pretty and dumb just isn't my thing and I still believe that there is more to sexuality than opportunity. Trust me -- you will not like me. So again: please refrain from lame zings. Just look for the obviously needing-validation girls that really need you to fill their partial identity and will conform their Cosmo-plastic personalities to the mold that best fits your faltering ego. The two or more of you will be plenty happy lying blissfully to one another and remaining lonely but distracted per the rules of those mundane little how-to books that treat people like math functions... soooo tedious. And please, don't think this some sexy tough-girl challenge; power-plays don't belong in my boudoir. I really really mean it.

Music:

Pixies, Radio Head, Miles Davis, Billy Holiday, Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits, Postal Service, John Lee Hooker, Pink Floyd, Iron and Wine, Calexico, Morphine, Death Cab, Elliot Smith, Mark Lanegan, The Clash, Velvet Underground, Tom Petty, The Specials, Classical, Mike Doughty, Esquivel, Dylan, Jimmy Hendrix, Taj Majal, Hank Williams, Nick Cave, Willie Nelson, any good car music, Nina Simone, Beni More, Tres Ponchos... I am very very drawn to interesting moody music with good lyrics...

Movies:

City of God, Thin Red Line, The Elephant Man, Room with a View, Delicatessen (all Jean-Pierre Jeunet: even Alien 4), Tampopo, Blade Runner (strictly the director's cut), All Choen (sp?) Brothers, Solaris, Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are Dead, Full Metal Jacket, Casablanca, My Life as a Dog, Touch of Evil, Blue (Fr), Almadovar's Work, Shadow of a Vampire, Noir in general, Deep Blue Sea (it's funny -- intelligence is evil), 2046, almost all Kubric, Platoon, Miyazaki, Grave of Fireflies, Life of Brian, Mullholand Drive, Eternal Sunshine, Fists of Legend, Ridley Scott rocks, No Spielberg, and many many others... I love movies!!!

Television:

They're mostly all filler... the white noise of modern life. Besides, real life is almost always way more fun.

Books:

The Plague and all Camus, Confederacy of Dunces, The Castle by Kafka, Beyond Good and Evil, Canary Row, The Alchemist, Who Doesn't Seem to like Master and Margarita, Shakespeare, Gargantua and Pentagruel, e.e. cummings, Wallace Stevens, King Leer, Hamlet, Kahlil Gibran, Twain, Kuhn, Pablo Neruda, Rilke, Wuthering Heights, Stevenson, Burroughs, The Little Prince, Crime and Punishment, Gibson, Ray Bradbury's story about the Sea Monster and the Lighthouse from Golden Apples of the Sun, Faulkner (As I Lay Dying), Joyce, Marquez, Blas de Otero, "So it Goes", ... Important warning: I HATE AYN RAND and find it apauling that so many find her self-indulgent pseudo-intellectual masterbatory crap eddifying. Ah!..........................."Sexual Water" by Pablo Neruda...............................Rolling down in big and distinct drops, in drops like teeth, in heavy drops like marmalade and blood. rolling down in big drops, the water is falling, like a sword made of drops, like a river of glass that tears things, it is falling, biting, beating on the axle of symmetry, knocking on the seams of the soul, breaking abandoned things, soaking the darkness. It is nothing but a breath, more full of moisture than crying, a liquid, a sweat, an oil that has no name, a sharp motion, taking shape, making itself thick, the water is falling in slow drops toward the sea, toward its dry ocean, toward its wave without water.I look at the wide summer, and a loud noise coming from a barn, wineshops, cicadas, towns, excitements, houses, girls sleeping with hands over their hearts. dreaming of pirates, of conflagarations, I look at ships, I look at trees of bone marrow bristling like mad cats, I look at blood, daggers and women's stockings, and men's hair, I look at beds, I look at corridors where a virgin is sobbing, I look at blankets and organs and hotels.I look at secretive dreams, I let the straggling days come in, and the beginnings also, and memories also, like an eyelid held open hideously I am watching.And then this sound comes: a red noise of bones, a sticking together of flesh and legs yellow as wheatheads meeting. I am listening among the explosions of the kisses, I am listening, shaken among breathings and sobs.I am here, watching, listening, with half of my soul at sea and half of my soul on land, and with both halves of my soul I watch the world.And even if I close my eyes and cover my heart over entirely, I see the monotonous water falling in big monotonous drops. It is like a hurricane of gelatin, like a waterfall of sperm and sea anenomes. I see a clouded rainbow hurrying. I see its water moving over my bones.

Heroes:

All Great Satirists, The humane & passionate. Awful question in some ways, for I would rather be the person I admire than look up from under and unworthy. I think we constantly have the ability to become who we want to be. Admire? Certainly. There are many I admire, who inspire me -- sometimes only in the secrets of my memory. But, knowing the point of the topic, some few I admire: Camus, Nietzsche, Van Gogh, my father, my best friend Melissa who's love validates my strange being and faithfully lets me be my self, those with the courage to live passionately themselves always, dream chasers, great lovers, Umberto Eco, Hamlet, oh just look through my stuff... Any way as for aspiration ---"When a true genius appears, you can know him by this sign: that all the dunces are in a confederacy against him." - Johnathan Swift - may I be so lucky as to one day find myself in the frenzied center of just such a confederacy; then I will know the taste and not just the dream of hope. Until then, let me belong to no group other than that animal group we call, somewhat generously, human 'beings'. That group seems currently to need the most help with organizing its members.

My Blog

La Lengua de Mi Familia

With every word I remind myself: "He does not love me." Without personalization. Without despair. This is as it is. He is not mine. I am strong enough to be a good friend. Does a candle need a moth to...
Posted by Pneumatic Devotion on Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:08:00 PST

Mongrels and Songbirds

The warm sunshine is like a bath, bringing me out of the office building and into the ubiquity of more quintessential things.  Everywhere, the sun shines. Not everywhere are bosses.   It t...
Posted by Pneumatic Devotion on Wed, 04 Jun 2008 07:57:00 PST

After dinner thoughts

It is the end of a good Sunday. Today, I spent the day alone, listening to the world float in through the open windows. It was the kind of day that I really didn't want to speak to anyone and instead,...
Posted by Pneumatic Devotion on Mon, 02 Jun 2008 08:35:00 PST

Prayer Bells

I stood at a friend's window, ready to wash the dishes as he napped. The balmy air moved slowly through the hours. A church steeple stuck obdurately up into the warm overcast ready to pop the clouds. ...
Posted by Pneumatic Devotion on Fri, 30 May 2008 02:25:00 PST

Delicious Mess

The truth of it all is that in the wake of boredom, I understand why I thrive on complex people. Messy and beautiful. Unconquerable people. Complete on their own. The passions of those fire-bellied so...
Posted by Pneumatic Devotion on Fri, 23 May 2008 02:03:00 PST

Fast Food Sex and Boredom

Back to the casualties of sex. A late night. A large tab. My new job makes me Miss Popularity, entertaining people with firm money, arranging and coordinating with the who's who: "We have a lot of mon...
Posted by Pneumatic Devotion on Fri, 23 May 2008 11:21:00 PST

Men Inside Monsters

"He who does battle with monsters needs to watch out lest he in the process become a monster himself." But I have seen a monster become a man. It is raining. The patter of uncountable droplets sings ...
Posted by Pneumatic Devotion on Thu, 15 May 2008 01:28:00 PST

Found

I found a single exotic blossom on the Manhattan concrete. It was a strange location for a delicate beauty. The petals were slightly translucent from its waterless waiting. No one was around aside a c...
Posted by Pneumatic Devotion on Thu, 15 May 2008 01:34:00 PST

The Unconscious Body

Today makes two months since I woke up after a few hours of sleep and kissed him goodbye. Right now makes seven hours since I woke up prematurely with that same nebulous dream passing like space dust ...
Posted by Pneumatic Devotion on Thu, 15 May 2008 11:31:00 PST

face

a purple muzzle in porcelain orbits gazing from the sunday concrete like those dream savannahs of skin a memory, beautiful in its proof and wanderlost in the dawning wine of absence fingertips a...
Posted by Pneumatic Devotion on Tue, 13 May 2008 05:03:00 PST