YOU REALLY WANNA KNOW? well skip past the first 24 years. i used to focus on everyone else. my happiness was a measurement of how happy i could make everyone around me. i thought that if i was attractive enough, smart enough, funny enough, athletic enough... that everyone would like me, and that's basically all i wanted. well enough is never gonna be enough. at the ripe age of 25, i have come to the realization that everyone CAN not love me. this goal... the idea itself is a set-up for failure because it is unattainable. if i were to give everyone in the world a million dollars, a fairly decent percentage of the benefactors would still hate me. dont believe it? keep living. someone would be shitty that i gave so-and-so their million first, or that i forgot to convert the currency over from dollars to yin for them when i knew good and hell well they were about to vacation in asia. AND they would talk about me real bad for it too.
Nevertheless, i'm gonna take responsibility for being so simple-minded. ya see, the seemingly obvious complexity of it all comes from this: if you ever find yourself living for somebody else, or even more challenging, for more than one other person... you'll realize that because everyone is different, everyone's perception of a perfect you is different. so who is it that has the best concept of who you should be? you do.
At the climax of the first episode of my life, i noticed that i had become a very deceiving, manipulative, and misleading individual. is this the person i wanted to be? no. is this the person other people wanted me to be? no. but in order to give the impression that i was, in fact, the perfect man to every single person i met - it was inevitable. you have the power to choose your actions, but you do not have the power to choose the consequences of them and though my intentions were NEVER malicious... i was an actor. my character was a young black man that all women love, and all men want to be. "D.Eason" and ohhh how the people do love him. until the credits start rolling. and the people realize, at their own rate, that i can only keep them entertained for the duration of that particular movie - that i had other roles to play, and other expectations to live up to. the athletes found out that i was in the marching band, the christians found out i drank heavily, the thugs found out i had the highest SAT scores, the preps found out that i carry a gun, and how many girls found out about the other girls! sounds like an identity crisis huh?? not at all, i have always known exactly who i am, what i stood for, who i wanted to be, and i loved myself for it. for a long time, everybody else loved me too. so why didn't i just live happily ever after? because it is IMPOSSIBLE to please everybody. im not fake... let's just go with well-rounded. and due to the fact that human nature causes people to remain comfortably within their social demographics (if you will), i "float" throughout in an attempt to satisfy my passions for all facets of life. i never meant to hurt anybody. anyone can attest to the unforgettable bond that forms when you bleed and sweat together on a team. some of my fondest high school memories are with the marching band. i grew up in the church, and hold still to my faith in god. you can take a man out of the streets, but you can never take the streets out of a man. and well... im just smart as fuck. only my closest friends, could ever really understand how much i love women. i TRULY cared for each and every single one of them. yes, that means you. ESPECIALLY YOU! hahaa and yes, even you. ive been told that im an asshole, not because i'm mean, but because i'm SO nice and unattainable at the same time. to all of you that thought, or still think, that because you found out something about D.Eason that you never knew, or never wanted to know that i was being fake, that i lied to you, or that what we had wasn't real... i wholeheartedly apologize to you, and assure you that the memories you have are authentic and hold value.
NOW if you STILL find happiness in hating me then so be it. no matter who is reading this... i can honestly say that i do not hate you. and if you were to contact me today... id be very excited to hear from you. but with that said, while you're in the process of hating me... i'd like to give you a resounding, "FUCK YOU" i refuse to be unhappy anymore due to the lack of my ability to make you the happiest person on earth. and quite frankly, if you're reading this right now then you're doing a pretty pathetic job of disliking me. you really might wanna try caring less, but ANYWAY it's time to do me! i held it down at purdue for a long time - met a lot of people. most of whom really like "D.Eason" over the past year, i've gotten slammed so many times for being old. "what are YOU still doin here?!?!" is what i'd hear before i even got a simple "hey, wassup?" was it really so bad that i wanted to leave with a winning plan of action? that i didn't want to run off with my degrees, PLURAL, to literally the first cubicle with my name on it to spend the rest of my days working a 9 to 5, and settling for modern day expectations/the social norm that does not appeal to me in the slightest? i actually feel sorry for anyone who can't comprehend how my 6 and a half year stint as the real-life van wilder was astoundingly far more eventful, enlightening, AND enjoyable than that of his or her 4 to 5 year curriculum-crammed tenure. and all i have to show for it are these three measly purdue university bachelor degrees - fuck! and then... to appease the critics i break out bigger than anyone could have possibly expected - pack up and move to the beautiful and mountainous, fashion capital of the world - Milan, Italy: all expenses paid! and believe it or not... those SAME fuckers with the "old man" jokes don't want me to go. NOW i'm this boilermaker icon that isn't allowed to short-change the future classes with my absence from campus.
Well the new and improved "D.Eason" is in full effect! i've been half-way across the world, and back again. i've loved, lost, and loved again - definitely learned a lot, and i know i'm a better person for all of the experiences that i've had over the years. NO REGRETS. i'm back in the states for summer 2008, and i'm always for the merrier of more so if you're with me - let's get it! but love me or leave me alone. if you ain't ready to see me do it bigger than i've ever done it before then ya better go far... cause im a Superstar
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