I'm the president of 1st Bitches Club...the most exclusive "sorority" in Chicago...enough said
So far in college I have...
Almost been hit by the el
Fallen asleep on my straightening iron (and woke up to find 2 second degree burns on my arm
Been carried home numerous times
Had a bum fall on me on the L
Been woken up several stops past mine sleeping on the way home drunk to the UCC
Been to New Orleans for Mardis Gras...enough said
Started a fight between four guys on the L without even opening my mouth
Discovered strawberry popcorn
Been picked up by the police in Cabriney Green
Been picked up by the police and taken to a bar, along with my best friend Ola and other friend Matt (I don't think they counted on him coming...)
Gotten into the bar and drank for several hours, to walk out to the police waiting to give us a ride home--CPD, our own personal escort service yeah!!
Kicked a can and fell over breaking my ankle then had to be taken to the ER at 2am while yelling to leave me alone in the alley, I was fine
Been spied on when my floormates turned around the peephole on my door, apparently I was stumbling around and fell over some furniture
Danced on the stage of a gay male strip club and refused to get down when the strippers told me to
Yelled at my floormates to leave the room, they pretend to leave, shut the door, and I continue piddling in my room, look right at them, and don't notice they are there (I am oblivious to everything
Walked around totally naked in my room where Rosy was sleeping on the futon--totally forgot about him being there--thankfully he didn't wake up
Cherry Red nite--enough said
Slammed into the walls and then finally fell over, only to be dragged into my room by my roommate and Caleb
Drank exceptional amounts at Cherry Red, shoved my way into Ontourage, and then fallen over in the bathroom, hit my head on the toilet, and gotten briefly knocked out
Run away from just about everyone... Etc, etc...want to know more ask my friends, I'm sure they remember more
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~Ola and I were attacked by a squirrel the other day in Lincoln park
~Someday I will fall into an outhouse and die
ximgonnagetyax: you dont need single 30 something year old fathers checking you out
BaByBluEs879: hahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhaha
~"summer air reminds me of all the seasons of your love and what it was like when we were together,walkin out along the beach you were never far from reach and ya held me through stormy weather" *linz.lauren.jordan*
In Honor of Rosario...The List:
1. Shopping
2. Get my nails done
3. Shopping (purse)
4. I need a dress-Shopping
5. New Purse (ruined by spilled beer)
6. New Cell Phone (see reason above)
8. New Camera (see reason above)
9. New Car (because I suck)
10. Pay $30,000 in tickets and tow fees
11. Beer
12. Hook up with another one of Tony's friends=get beat up by Tony (this moves to priority number one)
BaByBluEs879: i broke my ankle
LINZEY86: howd u break it
BaByBluEs879: i got angry
Me: OMG Christine just grabbed my cooter
Jarod: Is that some sort of woodland creature
~Here's my philosophy on dating. It's important to have somebody that can make you laugh, somebody you can trust, somebody that, y'know, turns you on... And it's really, really important that these three people don't know each other.
Dback84 (8:34:22 PM): always remember.... no babies in the back door
ximgonnagetyax (8:35:23 PM): what?!
Dback84 (8:35:58 PM): no babies in the back door
Dback84 (8:36:19 PM): as in you cant get pregnant if you just do anal sex
ximgonnagetyax (8:36:31 PM): umm okay
ximgonnagetyax (8:36:50 PM): and why are you "reminding" me of this
Dback84 (8:37:41 PM): pass it on
Dback84 (8:37:44 PM): to jen
Me: OMG I DON'T DO THAT U SICK FUCKERS
"I was totally trying to get on him...He said he wasn't gay but I know he was and he totally wanted me..." ~ahahahhahahahah from the infamous Clayton Thomas
L: they must think im a call girl
Me: cause they met dude 1
L: and dude 2
L: and now this one?!
Me: hahahahahhahaha oh god
Me: hahahahahah thats what my effin neighbors think
L: hahahaha i dont even want to know what my neighbors and doorman thinks
Me: every weekend a different guy leaves from my apt in the morn
Fantastic Quotes by me (courtesy of Chloe, Mandy, and Tony):
BaByBluEs879: well just say im not mad at you
BaByBluEs879: whore
BaByBluEs879: be sure and include the whore
BaByBluEs879: so she knows u r serious
Jenn: i dont know where it is well u only told me where my ovaries were not my uterus wait are they in my uterus
Chloe: NO
Jenn: oh ok
Jenn: i just wanted to interrupt the program with a brief humorous message
BaByBluEs879: all youd have to do is get paris hilton or some other dumb bitch to start like walking them with her dog or something
B: and be like look at these cute little finger monkeys
B: theyre the new trend
http://www.uniteddivas.com/sprout/fingermonkey.jpg
B: u never know
B: he is a hacker
B: so he could be a stalker too
B: along with ranger status
B: thats a scary combination
BaByBluEs879: btw i saw u and chris today
BaByBluEs879: in 20 years
ximgonnagetyax: HAHAH WHAT
BaByBluEs879: u were on the L and i swear this couple looked just like yall will look in 20 years and the lady was like oohing over soem little kid
BaByBluEs879: and i was like OMG THATS CHRIS AND CHLOE
ximgonnagetyax: HAHAH
BaByBluEs879: and i stared at them the whole time
BaByBluEs879: bc i was in shock at the likeness
ximgonnagetyax: HAHAHHA
BaByBluEs879: yes
Jenn: I hope you carpet munch on an ugly bitch!
(Chloe--that was her response to everyone that ditched us last night)
Jenn: I need to find another bitch (Chloe--by bitch she means someone to fuck and leave whenever she pleases..thats my girl)
Jenn: I think im gonna take ectasy when I'm 90 and have sex and then die..that would be a good way to go
BaByBluEs879: maybe hes in alaska
BaByBluEs879: well not alaska
BaByBluEs879: but u know like tied up
BaByBluEs879: it was an expression
BaByBluEs879: i just made it up right now
BaByBluEs879 (10:41:14 AM): rainbow bright barbie strikes agaiin!!!!!!!!!
BaByBluEs879 (1:25:30 PM): bitch
BaByBluEs879 (1:25:39 PM): HOW DARE YOU CROSS ME!!!!!!!!!!!
BaByBluEs879 (1:25:46 PM): hahahahah did u like that
ximgonnagetyax (1:25:47 PM): HAHAHHAHA
BaByBluEs879 (1:25:56 PM): i think i should be on improv
ximgonnagetyax: yeah im the last thing anyone needs to envy
BaByBluEs879: chloe im not going to lie
BaByBluEs879: ur boobs are pretty enviable
BaByBluEs879: then i fell off the toilet
BaByBluEs879: and got stuck in the bathroom (Chloe--i love her more than anything!)
BaByBluEs879 my life is a joke
BaByBluEs879 like seriously someone is laughing at me
ximgonnagetyax: hahha
ximgonnagetyax: yeah me
BaByBluEs879 :he just rescued an old lady out of a burning building chloe
ximgonnagetyax :hahah well he will know how to treat any of your burns from your drunkenness
BaByBluEs879:wtf am i doing with my life
BaByBluEs879:i am in shock at myself
ximgonnagetyax:haha being normal..having a relationship
ximgonnagetyax:BEING A GIRL
ximgonnagetyax:hahah
BaByBluEs879:noooooooooooooo
BaByBluEs879:NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
BaByBluEs879:I AM A MAN
BaByBluEs879:(boomign voice)
BaByBluEs879:i think i am goign to wear dreads to this concert sat nite
BaByBluEs879:its heavy metal
BaByBluEs879 (3:33:50 PM):ehhh before u know it well have drank ourselves into wheelchairs
BaByBluEs879: if i only had a jobv
BaByBluEs879: and not school
BaByBluEs879: i woudl get drunk all the tiem
BaByBluEs879 (2:16:23 PM): are you at work
UMfan83 (2:16:47 PM): its Saturday?!
BaByBluEs879: whore
lvox2214: this is ryan’s father
lvox2214: sorry he’s not here right now, but I’ll be sure to pass on the message
(several hours later)
lvox2214: so im a whore huh?
BaByBluEs879: omg I want to die
Jenn: Is feces eggs or poop
So Cherry Red nite Chloe and Chris bring me a brand new guy who happens to be incredibly hot...this is how the nite turned out
Chloe: (turns to me) Jenn, this is Tom
Me: (stares for a minute) that's nice, where's Matt? (runs away
Later on that same nite
Chloe: Jenn you're shirt is off you can see your boob
Matt: Yeah, you have to be careful of that
Me: (looks down, shrugs, doesn't bother to adjust it) Ehhhh (runs off)
(shot sitting on bar)
(chloe picks it up)
Ola: what are u doing chloe
Chloe: well someone's gotta drink it
Me: ahahahahahahahhahahahahahah I am rubbing off on you
Adventures of me and Mandy (when she was single)
At a bar in Wrigley we meet some surfers from California who were just signed by Rusty
Me: Mandy, they're not that hot, let's just leave
Mandy: Jenn wtf are u talkign about they are so hot
Me: No! I'm leaving (runs away)
The next morn...
Mandy: These are the pics from last nite
Me: WTF was I thinking?!?!?!?!
If you need to understand just refer to picture 6 on my myspace pics...
ximgonnagetyax: wow i need to stop with all this girly emotional shit
BaByBluEs879: ehhhh it happens
BaByBluEs879: it happens to me sometimes
BaByBluEs879: and i am a man
ximgonnagetyax: it happens to me all the time and im sick of it
BaByBluEs879: become a man like me!!!!!
ximgonnagetyax: yeah thats okay
BaByBluEs879: hahahhahahahaha
BaByBluEs879: except i am gradually turning into a woman
BaByBluEs879: sickkkkkkkkkk
ximgonnagetyax: HAHAH
BaByBluEs879: well this weekend we will eat ice cream and do womanly things
BaByBluEs879: no chick flicks tho
BaByBluEs879: i am not that far gone
ximgonnagetyax: no ice cream!
ximgonnagetyax: im on my diet
BaByBluEs879: oh ok
BaByBluEs879: well then other womanly foods
ximgonnagetyax: ive lost 6 pounds and im not letting him ruin it
BaByBluEs879: hahahah ok good
BaByBluEs879: then well do sit ups or soemthing
BaByBluEs879: and watch man movies
BaByBluEs879: i think this is slowly turning into mans nite out
BaByBluEs879: hahahhahahahahahah
ximgonnagetyax: HHAHHAHAH
ximgonnagetyax: dude that my fucking away message
BaByBluEs879: hahahahhaha yes!!!!
ximgonnagetyax : so its official
ximgonnagetyax : at my wedding you and jenn are being seated nearest to the bar
dulcebailarina1: skank come out to night!! please.......
dulcebailarina1: i cant believe this
dulcebailarina1: im begging the queen bee skanky to come out
BaByBluEs879: who the fuck is the queen bee skanky
BaByBluEs879: hahahhahahah oh ahahhahahahahahahah
BaByBluEs879: OMG AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
BaByBluEs879: THAT IS HILARIOUS
dulcebailarina1: what has the world come to
dulcebailarina1: im like
dulcebailarina1: in shock
BaByBluEs879: i prob will
BaByBluEs879: but just not stay out real late
dulcebailarina1: yeah
dulcebailarina1: OK GREAT!!
dulcebailarina1: yay!!!!!!!!
dulcebailarina1: love live the queen!
BaByBluEs879: hahahahahha omg
BaByBluEs879: u mean long
dulcebailarina1: hahahaha yeah
dulcebailarina1: thats what i meant
Sotay: Tini, you're shirt is pushed over you can see your boob
Tini: OMG (moves shirt over)
Me: Yea I saw that a while ago but it just didn't occur to me that was something that shouldn't happen
Tini: What!?!?
dulcebailarina1: people might start to think we are lesbians though jen
dulcebailarina1: we always end up gravitating towards each others breasts
BaByBluEs879: true
dulcebailarina1: haahahahahahhaa
BaByBluEs879: they are hot
ximgonnagetyax: its going to be the first time in years that we have hung out and not had sex
ximgonnagetyax: lol
BaByBluEs879: hahahhahaha yeah right
BaByBluEs879: ur totally gonna do it
ximgonnagetyax: he has a gf
BaByBluEs879: yeah
BaByBluEs879: hell break up w her
ximgonnagetyax: yeah eventually but not this weekend
BaByBluEs879: geez chloe thats bs
BaByBluEs879: if i got to have sex w u i would totally break up w my gf ahahhahahahahahahhaha
ximgonnagetyax: HAHAHAH
In response to this message on Chloe's AIM Profile...
Chris Miller: this is why i dont mess with gay guys...anybody who can take a dick in the ass is TOUGH!
BaByBluEs879: what about girls who can take dick in the ass
BaByBluEs879: are they tough too
ximgonnagetyax: HAHAH
BaByBluEs879: i wouldn't mess w those chicks
Chloe and I have a sleepover after a nite out at Cherry Red...
Me: I'm going to make cheese dip
Chloe: Okay
(several minutes later, I come back in completely topless holding a bag of chips and a huge bowl of cheese dip...sit down on the couch next to Chloe)
Chloe stares at me
Me: I didn't want to spill (I had on a white shirt)
I proceed to eat the entire bowl all by myself, Chloe is too scared to try and grab a chip
I get up
Me: I'm going to bed
Pick up the cat, start talking to it, and go to bed...next morning, don't remember any of this
So Ola, Chloe, Mandy, and I went out for a girls nite one evening...this is how it turned out...
Mandy and I are dancing on the bar...I see a hot guy
Me: Hey Mandy (pointing at guy) that guys really hot
So turns out guy has 2347239847 hot friends...somehow we end up making out at the bar...
We end up in a cab and Chloe is squished between Ola and I both in guys laps, and Mandy and her dude in the front
We get back to my house and Chloe and Ola (w/ dude) pass out on the couch)
Mandy: Jenn, where am I supposed to sleep
Me: I dunno...On the back porch (there was a futon out there at least
Mandy: But Jenn, that's outside
Me: Just get out there!
Mandy: (meekly) okay
The next morning...
(I wake up, and this creeper is trying to cuddle with me, meanwhile I am crouched up against the side of the wall)
The guys all leave and the three of us are left to dicuss the events of last nite
Ola: What the hell just happened I woke up and there was a 40 year old man asleep next to me
Mandy and I: Yeah, there were so many hot guys, and somehow you managed to find the ugliest one and gravitate to him
Mandy: Well at least you didn't wake up topless in the morning on a deck outside
Me: hahahahahahahah yeah...I just rolled over and went to bed (more to the story that the three girls know hahahaha love you all)
Mandy: Yeah, Jenn woke up in the fertile position, praying no one would touch her
Seriously one of the best nites of my life with you girls hahahahha...skankys forever
"Girls are like snowflakes, they're all different, but they're all beautiful" ~Said by a Chicago Bears fan at the Superbowl game...what can I say there's none like us...
Liz: so did you pack a lot of sexy lingerie for this weekend
Me: No! I hadn't even thought of that
Liz: Do you want to borrow some of mine
Me: Excuse me?!?!
BaByBluEs879: so where the heck have u been?
juncl97: sleeping, i had a dream of you on thur nite, woke up friday and realized me and you werent with each other anymore. It was a dream, so i slept till yesterday, and lived in paradise with you as we ran through fields of grass barefoot and naked
BaByBluEs879: hahahahhaahhahahahahahaha
BaByBluEs879: omg that is going on my myspace wall
juncl97: hahaha, i try, and i love you
