the 280 pound gorilla in the room profile picture

the 280 pound gorilla in the room

walking slash-fic

About Me

Just faking my way through this construct you call reality. Another blob of mitochondrial processi just bouncing into other blobs until there's an occasional political conversation, the rare orgasm, or the all-too-common frat boy yelling "I'm Rick James, Bitch!". I'm probly going to serve you a drink, and I probably won't be that nice when I do it... or so I've been told. I'm a hypersensitive egotist in the contradictory way, and that's as funny as it is stupid. I'm the cultural butterfly collar at the DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince concert of life. When I drink, I drink too much. That's because I'm a professional. I'm going to think too little of things that matter and far too much of the things that don't. A little chaos would help everyone out, if only peer pressure could force paradigm shifts. I'm like that episode of Futurama where Bender becomes a human except I'm not 1k lbs. and I'm ten times as handsome.

My Interests

I like to talk about drugs that I don't do anymore, I like to snark about asshats that I'm better then, I enjoy refferring to things as 'the pits', I'm a big sports fan when I'm drunk, I'm in to RPGs even though I don't have long hair or a goatee or a leather trenchcoat, Sometimes I forget that I'm into conspiracies as a joke and not as reality. People who pay me fake compliments to feed my ego.

I'd like to meet:

One of you Intelligent Design fucks. A quadrapallegic compulsive masturbator. An illiterate poet. Jean Luc Picard. A Parisian super-villain armed with a feather duster. Anyone that's ever been defenestrated. Harvey Birdman. I've always wanted a friend that was a priest, that way we could be roommates on a bad sitcom. A girl that thinks polyhedrons are sexy. A midget that believes they're hiding it with platform shoes. Doctor Zoidberg. The Tick. A pair of pants that fits reallyreally well. A liposuctionist with a big heart. Captain Sisko. 10 orange bombs vs 5 Beefeater and orange juices + a shot of Jameson. The gravy train. Old Fortran. The singularity at the beginning of the Universe. The restaurant at the end of the Universe. Tom Waits singing "Men of Adventure". Caffienated condoms.View All Friends | View Blog | Add Comment

Music:

The Talking Heads, The Pixies, Belle and Sebastian, The Fugees, Lords of Acid, Scissor Sisters, Alice Cooper, The Postal Service, They Might Be Giants, Ween, Tom Waits, Dead Kennedys, Gravy Train, Public Enemy, Old Dr. Dre,

Movies:

Fast, Cheap, and Out of Control Fight Club, The Aristocrats, The New Jersey Trillogy, Donnie Darko, The Big Lebowski, Barton Fink, Mr. Death, The Yes Men, No Country for Old Men, Batman Begins, Repo Man, The Comedians of Comedy

Television:

Arrested Development, Twin Peaks, King of the Hill, Futurama, The Simpsons, The Sopranos, Bullshit, Frontline, Breaking Bad, Rob & Big, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, The Universe, ST: DS9

Books:

The Illuminatus Trillogy, Principia Discordia, American Gods, Choke and all Chuck Palahniuk, all HST, Breakfast of Champions and all Vonnegut, A Brief History of Time, The Watchmen, The Dark Night Returns, The Dark Night Strikes Back

Heroes:

George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Hunter S. Thompson, Kurt Vonnegut, and pretty much anyone else that's pissed and not a fucking idiot.

My Blog

gravity.

No, really. This is about gravity. I mean, gravity is the shit. If it wasn't for gravity, my bed would be totally on the ceiling, my fucking Guitar Hero guitar would've floated out of the door week...
Posted by the 280 pound gorilla in the room on Thu, 04 Oct 2007 10:50:00 PST

Last night I overheard drunken idiots...

...yelling out imitations of Dave Chappelle's "Li'l Jon": "YEAAAAAH!", etc.Way to make that topical pop-culture reference.I think it was from one of the guys that was informing us that he wanted to "...
Posted by the 280 pound gorilla in the room on Sun, 14 May 2006 02:09:00 PST

On the subject of idiocy...

Study finds 60f American Youths can't find Iraq on the mapI mean, really? Really? REALLY?It's been 3 fucking years. This is why people around the world hate us, if it's not just our casual attitude...
Posted by the 280 pound gorilla in the room on Thu, 04 May 2006 11:02:00 PST

every time I feel down about myself from now on, I'll think of this guy...

Meet Burke.He is 3 parts Pride, 5 parts Self-sufficiency, 3 parts Instinct.Also, he has no problem with anybody, except gay people.The next time I feel I'm not all the Burke I could be, I will think o...
Posted by the 280 pound gorilla in the room on Sun, 19 Mar 2006 03:10:00 PST

Dick Cheney's Aim and discussing it with idiots.

So, anyone who cares heard about the Veep shoting a man in the neck and face withsome buckshot has heard of it by now. It's funny, sure. As to whether or not it's news is another issue. Now, I hat...
Posted by the 280 pound gorilla in the room on Tue, 14 Feb 2006 11:38:00 PST

a stirring vision of America

Since we're finally display sensitivity with the movie Brokeback Mountain, hopefully we can fully explore this arena with movies about 2 gay cops, 2 gay indian chiefs, 2 gay construction workers, and ...
Posted by the 280 pound gorilla in the room on Fri, 23 Dec 2005 11:19:00 PST