Evil Robot Bill profile picture

Evil Robot Bill

We know where you live

About Me

Writer, swordsman, world-class lover and occasional wearer of beards, William Salmon finds it very odd talking about himself in the third person.
Having fled Yorkshire for the prettier, if no less temperamental south, he now works for Future Publishing. Despairing of the tiny, incestuous nature of life in a small town, he found a home in the tiny, incestuous city of Bath where he writes about all manner of stuff and mobile phones. Actually mostly mobile phones. He has also had words 'and shit' published in Mojo and Empire, while his anti-matter twin, Robert Lockwood, currently writes reviews for top indie/fashion glossy Clash.
William quite likes Doctor Who, if you hadn't guessed.

My Interests

Being a bit pretentious, writing, music, film, Doctor Who, hanging around in dodgy bars, forteana, politics and all sorts of other gubbins.

I'd like to meet:

I'd love to meet Jon Pertwee, but his unfortunate deadness means that is now an extremely remote possibility. I'm also regretting the two times I saw John Peel (the patron saint of DJs, not the author of War Of The Daleks) from afar and was too starstruck to go talk to him.Profile edited with CricketSoda's Myspace Editor

Music:

Oh, a whole bunch of stuff. Here are a few examples:
Bowie, Radiohead, The Fall, Liars, Buck 65, Boards of Canada, The Bug, Venetian Snares, Wrong Music, Mogwai, Coil, The Go! Team, Burial, LCD Soundsystem, Massive Attack, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Archie Bronson Outfit, Shitmat, Aphex Twin, Jackie-O-Motherfucker, Bomb20, Prodigy, Asian Dub Foundation, Autechre, Dirty Projectors, Avalanches, Tom Waits, Prince, The Beatles, Shinra, The United States of America, Stereolab, Beck, The Beta Band, Steve Mason's solo stuff, Silver Apples, Chris Clark, Clearlake, The Open, The Organ, Kasabian, Gravenhurst, The Incredible String Band, DJ Shadow, Billie Holiday, Cypress Hill (early shit only), The Wu Tang Clan, Rob Zombie, Broadcast, The Smiths, A Tribe Called Quest, Diplo, Roots Manuva, Squarepusher, Sisters of Mercy, Stunt Rock, Isan, Blur, Soundmurderer & SK1, Deathchant Records, Monkey Steak, Third Eye Foundation, V/Vm, Black Affair, A Silver Mount Zion, Grandaddy, DJ Floorclearer, Doormouse, Elliot Smith, The Horrors, Enduser, Film School, Mashit Records, Siouxie and the Banshees, Knifehandchop, Goldfrapp, The Magnetic Fields, Alec Empire, Hope of the States, Bong Ra, Kraftwerk, Sex Pistols, Christian Vogel, Death in Vegas, Flaming Lips, Devendra Banhart, Mercury Rev. And so on...

Movies:

Donnie Darko, Jaws, Fight Club, Brick, Taxi Driver, Ed Wood, Life is Beautiful, Lost In Translation, The Birds, North By Northwest, Ghost World, Wild Strawberries, Star Wars (all of 'em, yes, even Phantom, I've had a change of heart), most of the Star Trek films, but especially 4 and 6, Fahrenheit 451, 28 Days Later..., Serenity, Romero's Dead trilogy, Kill Bill, The Lord of the Rings, The Host, the Harry Potter movies, Ghost Dog, various Bonds - though Casino Royale is by far the best, Children of Men, Unbreakable, Batman Begins, Battle Royale (not so much the sequel though, despite the presence of an asian Thom Yorke lookalike), Ringu, Hot Fuzz, Pan's Labyrinth, Deliverance, Pulp Fiction, The Life Aquatic With Steve Zizzou, Delicatessan, The Wicker Man (original), The Fog (original), The Alien films, Napoleon Dynamite, Lord of War, Withnail and I, Grosse Pointe Blank, Predator AND Predator 2 (fuckin' voodoo magic man)...
and many, many more...

Television:

Doctor Who is a lifelong obsession that I will never be cured of. Also: Life on Mars, Heroes, Firefly, Buffy, Angel and Veronica Mars all come a close second. The Sopranos. Spaced. Jericho. The new Battlestar Galactica. South Park, Torchwood. Anything by Chris Morris. Jason King, Northern Exposure, The Avengers. 24 is stupid fun. Farscape, The Prisoner, Carnivale, Lost, Survivors (the seventies disaster series), The Tripods (yes, even the French bits). Basically anything culty and good.

Books:

Jeff Noon. Oh fuck yeah.China Mieville, Dave Eggers, John Brunner, Haruki Murakami, Jasper Fforde, Emily Bronte, Simon Clark, Neil Gaiman, Robert Rankin, Stephen Laws, Terry Pratchett, Stephen Lawhead, Doctor Who books (especially those by Lance Parkin, Paul Cornell, Kate Orman, Lloyd Rose and Lawrence Miles), Harold Pinter, Katherine Mansfield, Mary Doria Russell, George Orwell, Frederick Pohl, Philip Kindred Dick, Susana Clarke, Harry-fucking-Potter, John Christopher, Grant Morrison, Dave Gorman and Danny Wallace stuff, Warren Ellis, David Mitchell, Iain Banks and loads of other bits and bobs too.

Heroes:

Too many to mention. Some big figures on my personal radar though: David Bowie Joss Whedon Coil Radiohead Patrick MacGoohan as Number Six Delia Derbyshire! Chris Morris The Doctor...

My Blog

Doctor Who: My Predictions

Praise be! The finale of Doctor Who is but a day away. I am stupidly excited, of course. Here then are my predictions for what will happen in the 65 bumper minutes of Journey's End.Davros will turn ou...
Posted by Evil Robot Bill on Fri, 04 Jul 2008 09:26:00 PST

Womb/testicle trembler

Yes, that is a horrible title, but I saw it today, inexplicably, on my colleague's computer. Even she didn't seem to know why it was there or what it referred to.The sky is falling in&Fuck. Fuck fuck ...
Posted by Evil Robot Bill on Fri, 27 Jun 2008 03:13:00 PST

A shocking state of affairs, Inventory, Death of a childhood hero

Reason No. 4073 to hate the Police. And stupid Facebook groups*.http://uk.news.yahoo.com/skynews/20080623/tuk-crash- cops-rapped-for-facebook-boast-45dbed5.html*Except, natch, my own stupid Facebook gr...
Posted by Evil Robot Bill on Mon, 23 Jun 2008 09:20:00 PST

Im dangerously addicted to Monster energy drink

  The header isn't meant to be funny or weird or anything. It's just true. It's like speed in a can.   The loneliness of a long distance shopper It's Friday night and it's raining. In Kings...
Posted by Evil Robot Bill on Fri, 20 Jun 2008 03:04:00 PST

We buried it and threw away the map

I have a cold. This fact has nothing to do with the rest of this entry. Yesterday I attended a writing workshop. Now I'm not going to say that it was pointless. Pretentious maybe, but not pointless. S...
Posted by Evil Robot Bill on Thu, 05 Jun 2008 01:32:00 PST

Sursum corda

Today I have been writing a biography of Kylie Minogue. I don't know why, but this just strikes me as weird.Not as weird, however, as my dream the other night. I dreamt they made a film of 'Allo 'Allo...
Posted by Evil Robot Bill on Thu, 29 May 2008 09:32:00 PST

Like a bird to a cat

What's happened to the 'Currently reading/listening/watching' function on here?   Almost a year ago to the day, I wrote a distraught blog following a long, sleepless night of misery. I had an abs...
Posted by Evil Robot Bill on Fri, 09 May 2008 07:59:00 PST

The new Portishead album is clearly their best and non-believers are foolish deviant scum

Since moving to Bath I have attempted to improve myself in every way. It is my eventual goal to be a man for the new millennium - half writer, half philosophical guru and half warrior priest. If only ...
Posted by Evil Robot Bill on Fri, 02 May 2008 09:09:00 PST

Ray Mears in "All tree’s are bastards" shocker

I have just returned from a weekend adventure in Dublin. This was my first time in Ireland, and more importantly, Kev’s stag do. Here are a few of the things that I have learned. It’s impo...
Posted by Evil Robot Bill on Mon, 17 Mar 2008 06:36:00 PST

Sarah Cox in Albatross ’disturbment’

Walking the streets of Bath in mid-afternoon, I was confronted with a squad of marching girls, chanting and waving placards that read I LOVE WS. My camera-phone betrayed me, otherwise I would have cap...
Posted by Evil Robot Bill on Wed, 12 Mar 2008 10:26:00 PST