Cobravision 9000 profile picture

Cobravision 9000

I am here for Friends

About Me

I'm just your average wizard-in-training bra. I enjoy casting spells (especially love ones), wearing gowns with stars on them, and tickling toddlers. I consider tapiocca pudding to be the most under-rated of all of the major puddings. I like giving hickeys too because I'm a whore.
I'm riding an emotional roller coaster straight into an early grave. I pretty much hate everybody most of the time. The rest of the time I love everyone and smile and the sun shines down on my shoulders and I have long conversations with people outside and I draw pictures of rainbows, elves, mushrooms, cheetahs, licorice sticks, dog poop, and electromagnets. But yeah, most of the time I hate this shitty world. My planet was way better than this shithole. I wish I could go back home ...
This is the internet, not real life. What I write on here and how I choose to portray myself are for my amusement only. At times I may give veiled glimpses into my true character but I'd like everyone who reads this to know that Johnny Cobra is not Jay (nor is Snay). Johnny Cobra is but a symptom of my neurosis ... or maybe it's vice versa. I don't know or really care at all.
Loves : My Son, Holden Parker (see pictures), My Ma an' my Pa, Kelly, Sean and Lindsey, select other family members, Bonering, Seafood, Masturbating, Birds, Nature, amateur nude photography, drawing, Writing, Architecture, Art, playing catch with a frisbee, sliding down railings, Snow falling through the night air, coconuts, Honey, contemplating/dreaming about the Apocolypse, jumping over bodies of water, peppers, robots, The Garbage Man, slides, pranks, capers, tomfoolery, butterflies, Flowers, kittens and cats, huffing spraypaint in women's lingerie, trees, rocks, playing horse, Baseball, Skateboarding, Books, Music, and Film.
Hates : Fake people, Time, Delusions of grandeur (unless I'm the guilty one), Emotionless People, Winter, Wet willys, anal sex (having and giving, not in general), Static Electricity, Ketchup (Devil's Paste), Spiders, America, people who pull knives on me, attack dogs, kids who come to the skatepark and get in my way, poor grammar/spelling/handwriting, orange pop, methamphetamines, crappy socks, compromising photos from Spring Break, televangelists, licking nine volt batteries, MTV, Dr. Phil, meat (although I love seafood so I'll never be a vegetarian), labels, Cold Weather, getting my shoelace or pant legs caught in my bicycle chain, sacrificing virgins, excessively hairy dudes, Fines, pish-poshy social actions, expensive clothing and haircuts, conformity, those weird ear phone attachments, Golf, Guns, cars, dog farts, certain shades of yellow, eye boogers, Gossip, Authority, and Warrants for my Arrest.
Who's Rad : Holden, John Cardiel, Jack Stargazer, Laura, Krista, and Mother Nature, she's a remarkable woman, huh?
Who's Sad : Racist people, Sexist people, homophobes, Republicans taking away our fundamental rights, Bush, Cheney, Dr. James Dobson, Tom Delay, Rush Limbaugh, and fucking whoever else is a sorry waste of flesh.
I edited my profile with Thomas Myspace Editor V4.4 (www.strikefile.com/myspace)

My Interests


Canoeing down mist-filled corridors of the mind. I would love to learn French and I especially yearn to travel. The places I'd most like to see are Europe (in its entirety), Russia, Australia, Japan, New Zealand, and, of course, the parts of the US that I've never been to.
I love skateboarding, the true essence of which is EL VORTEX.

I'd like to meet:

I want to meet someone who will wrestle with me when I need it. Which is daily. In a friend I want someone who will be there for me when I need them or else never be there for me but still want to wrestle quite a bit.

I'd like to meet your nipples. I'm really into nipples. Especially dark ones or ones with large(someone please tell me the technical term) nobs. I also love biting, so I guess I'm here to find others who enjoy biting/being bit. I'd like to meet your pussy (or whatever you enjoy to call it!) I bet your cunt (our whatever you feel like having me refer to that beautiful vulva of yours as) is beautiful! Maybe I want to meet some penises? I sure do NOT! Ask me why I'm so bummed out on cocks some time and I'll tell you!

Famous People, Living or Dead ( in no particular order):
Sophia, Mary Magdalene, Mark Twain, Alexander the Great, Jean-Paul Sartre, Oscar Wilde, Zack Morris, Sophocles, Chloe Sevigny, Alfred Hitchcock, Amelia Earhart, Joan of Arc, Aphrodite, and Emily Dickinson.

Music:

The Pixies, Sonic Youth, The Smiths, Morrisey, Lavender Diamond, Hot Chip, Johnathan Richman, M.I.A., old Pink Floyd (Syd Barrett), Beach House, Jens Lekman, Bat for Lashes, Evelyn Evelyn, Magnetic Fields, The Dresden Dolls, Trans Am, The Fucking Champs, The Fucking Am, Jay Reatard, Lost Sounds, Nervous Patterns, Jolie Holland, The Pink Mountaintops, Scary Mansion, Ghostland Observatory, Kimya Dawson, Belle and Sebastian,

Johnny Cash, Bob Dylan (the picture is Bob Dylan with Allen Ginsburg at Jack Kerouac's grave), The Mountain Goats,

Azure Ray,The Violent Femmes,

Postal Service, Beck,

old Metallica,

Roy Orbison,

Elvis,

The Zombies,

Black Sabbath,

Slayer, The Handsome Family, Weezer, Nashville Pussy, The Misfits,Man or Astroman?, Ween, All Girl Summer Fun Band, Bikini Kill, Bratmobile, Leadbelly, Beat Happening, Turbonegro, Iron Maiden, Bob Marley, Leonard Cohen, Smashing Pumpkins, Beatles, Moldy Peaches, Sebadoh, The Carpenters, The Unicorns,

Elliot Smith, Woody Guthrie, Wu-Tang Clan, Le Tigre, Peaches, Ladytron, Motorhead, Cat Power, The Rentals, Slint, Rainer Maria, Joni Mitchell, The Fugees, The Softies, Brian Eno, The Cars, Gary Numan, Jimi Hendrix, The Carter Family, Bobby the Magic Pacer, Neil Young, Atari Teenage Riot, Motley Crue, Guns -n- Roses, The Dead Milkmen,

Dead Kennedys, Nirvana, Hank III, Assjack, Daniel Johnston, Velvet Underground, The Rolling Stones, the list goes on and on and on ...

Movies:

Easy Rider, Taxi Driver, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, The Man Who Wasn't There, Pulp Fiction, Box of Moonlight, The Godfather I and II, foreign films, American Beauty, nearly every Hitchcock film, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Pink Flamingos (any John Waters film), Happiness (any Todd Solondz film), Crash (Cronenburg), Monty Python flicks, The Dreamers, Trees Lounge, Party Monster, Monster's Ball, Training Day, Ed Wood, Edward Scissorhands, The Good Girl, The Cell, Dr. Strangelove or (how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb), Bully, The Outlaw Josey Wales, Donnie Darko, Requiem for a Dream, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Velvet Goldmine, Kids, Gummo, Hang 'Em High, Dirty Harry, The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, Fistfull of Dollars, Friday the 13th, The Unforgiven, Magnolia, Chuck and Buck, Midnight Cowboy, This Is Spinal Tap, Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, The Big Chill, Dazed and Confused, Mulhulland Drive, Two Mules for Sister Sarah, The Big Lebowski, Barton Fink, Memento, Raging Bull, The Crying Game, Rocky Horror Picture Show, .. width="425" height="350".. ....The Usual Suspects, The Shining,Trainspotting, Secretary, The Shawshank Redemption, Mystic River, Cool Hand Luke, Rosemary's Baby, A Clockwork Orange, 2001:Space Odyssey, Adaptation, Being John Malkovich, Eyes Wide Shut, Birthday Girl, etc.

Television:

I catch some Twins games here and there and PBS is alright (though it can also be mind-numdingly boring). Free Speech T.V. has some interesting, informative programming. As a news source, I really like "Democracy Now!" I also like IFC.

Books:

How about some of my favorite authors? Fyodor Dostoevsky, Franz Kafka, J.D. Salinger, Kurt Vonnegut, Earnest Hemmingway, Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde, Tom Robbins, William Faulkner, Anton Chekhov, Billy Shakespeare, John Steinbeck, William Golding, Carlos Castaneda, Nikolai Gogol, Thornton Wilder, Ken Kesey, Jack Kerouac, Emily Dickinson, Jean-Paul Sartre, Albert Camus, Edgar Allan Poe, Philip K. Dick, Samuel Beckett, Joseph Heller, and John Irving.

Heroes:

HOLDEN! Dorian Gray, Fyodor Dostoevsky, Kilgore Trout, My Brother Sean, John Cardiel, Mark Gonzales, Wade Speyer, Jason Jessee, Ken Griffey, Jr., Mickey Mantle, and Horselover Fat.

My Blog

Spam, oh FUCK!

Yeah, so I hate this fucking town.  Flat.  It's so very flat.  No lakes.  It has no lakes.  Smelly.  This town smells like shit.  No, but what the fuck is the smell ...
Posted by Cobravision 9000 on Tue, 15 Apr 2008 11:25:00 PST

Sleep Tonight, for Tomorrow I Will Feast Upon Your Blood!

So lately I've been doing some experimenting with my dreams.  It all started when Laura and I had a conversation about how nearly 1/3 of our lives are passed in a dream-state where we really don'...
Posted by Cobravision 9000 on Thu, 10 Apr 2008 01:40:00 PST

Memories of a Foul Lands Birthday

It's so far removed that I'm not sure why I'm even bothering with this.  I suppose that the events of July third and fourth keep creeping into my brain demanding exorcism.  Most likely, I'm ...
Posted by Cobravision 9000 on Thu, 25 Oct 2007 09:07:00 PST

I Did It! (as a favor)

Instructions: You got tagged!! ..... Once you have been tagged you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random things, or facts or habits about yourself. At the end you choose 10 people to be tagged.&n...
Posted by Cobravision 9000 on Fri, 05 Oct 2007 07:52:00 PST

Pee Pee Teepee

Pollution prevention through anal retention Stinky smells are all abolished. Pollution Prevention through anal retention Earth's shiny ozone being polished!   Pollution prevention through anal re...
Posted by Cobravision 9000 on Fri, 28 Sep 2007 08:40:00 PST

This duechebaggerry must cease! Is that even spelled correctly?

Things that are completely lame and totally uncalled for: 1.  Shitty bands/artists - I'm looking your way, Bruce Springsteen.  You are not the Boss, you're not even the foreman, you shitbag....
Posted by Cobravision 9000 on Mon, 30 Jul 2007 10:26:00 PST

When you touch me like that it makes me feel dirty inside.

Last night I fell down while I was out skating.  Then the police talked to me.  "Oh, I know who YOU are." one stated.  Yes?  You do?  Go fuck yourself, pig.  So I got pre...
Posted by Cobravision 9000 on Sat, 16 Jun 2007 04:39:00 PST

More Poems, Recent Ones

Most of these poems were written during the infamous Eunuch Wars of early 2007. 1. Surely we'll forget Every time we've met The scars they will disclose Our every ebb and flow   Time, it stands t...
Posted by Cobravision 9000 on Wed, 21 Mar 2007 10:17:00 PST

Random Poetry, Thoughts, Scattered Bits of Mediocrity Part I

These are from maybe 1996 to  2004: 1.   Concentration on this humiliation Their display of fascination Keep me a prisoner of this place Make me gaze at broken face Metallic blood provi...
Posted by Cobravision 9000 on Tue, 13 Feb 2007 09:24:00 PST

Harvest Fest VI - The Grand Finale Nobody Was Waiting For

Another day, another dose The brethren of the albatross. Time unknown.  Destination: Outer Space.  At this point I'm just wandering around.  I see a couple people I know walking and the...
Posted by Cobravision 9000 on Tue, 23 Jan 2007 08:26:00 PST