Wooden James

9 months before Wooden James was born, his mother was stranded on a tugboat in the middle of Lake Superior in a bottle with Neil Young, Leonard Cohen, Gordon Lightfoot, Joni Mitchell, Stompin' Tom Conners, Gord Downie, McRorie, Morrissey, and Jean LeLoup. She rejected all of their advances, but one, and sent out the S.O.S.
9 months after Wooden James was born, his mother bought him a guitar and it became useful as a toy, a mirror, a bible, a bell, a blanket, a Love, a present, a hell. In these uses, he became acquainted with its many mysteries and its function as a tool of song.
9 months ago, Wooden James was a 6 foot 3 inch charmer and tropical plant janitor from Toronto and surrounding wilderness. He had been quietly developing his songcraft for over one thousand years and was then ripe. It was possible for you to enjoy listening to his music.
Presently, Wooden James is making all the right moves.
9 months from now Wooden James will be whistling a melody, finding words, and feeding grapes to his reclining girlfriend.