Oil!

The mid seventies was a strange time in East Liverpool. The Reform Party had promised much, but did little for the working class. Recession had hit the U.K. like a plague. The garbage men were on strike, the Doc Martin Boot factories had to be SHut down due to an international rubber SHortage, and petrol and glue prices were at an all time high. The country was in a state of near anarchy. For whatever reason, such social upheaval seems to spark voice, and creativity from the oppressed in those situations. Basically, no one can explain why some things happen, but Oil! needed to happen, and did!The Clockwork Kid was a local football hooligan who lived in London’s West End on Stavordale Rd. N5, near the park. He was on the dole, as we all were, but moonlighted as a freelance jizzmopper at The White Swallow, a lovely west -end pub that I frequented. I was enjoying a pint, and putting slinky’s on the escalators, when I received a boot party from the kid, moon stomp bovver style. After the bloody good punch up, we SHared a pint and he said to me “Oi! mate join my fuckin band or your dead!”, and so the seeds that were to flower into Oil!, had been planted. A few days later, The Clockwork Kid invited me to come along on a business trip with his mate Private Skick. They were to set sail on an official bootleg, re- issue of a Leif Erickson Viking SHip to prove once and for all, that the Vikings had in fact conquered China sometime around 35,000 B.C. I gladly accepted the invite. By Skick’s calculations, a Boston to Beijing sea voyage would take three hours. This estimate proved inaccurate, and the three-hour tour turned into a 267-day odyssey. Luckily, we brought our musical instruments, and so began our early jam sessions. Somewhere near the Bearing Straits we picked up a hitchhiker. He was a fine chap who called himself Cornel Chevron. Chevron was on his way to the Mecca of boot making, Cayucos CA to complete his lifelong dream of becoming a master boot smith. He also happened to play bass. Thus the original line up of Oil! came to being. It was Chevron on bass, The Clockwork Kid on guitar, me-self on the vocals, and Private Skick on drums. Upon our arrival at Plymouth Rock in Beijing, we played our first SHow. Sadly, no videos or recordings of this SHow exist,. Yet, it was a glorious sight, playing “Red, White and Boots” and three billion Chinese screaming our name as we docked. Sadly, Cornel Chevron took a nosedive off of our Leif Erickson replica into a pig trough, and was subsequently devoured by the bastard swine! In tribute to our lost friend, we slayed the pig and cooked up some Cornel Chevron burgers. Luckily we met Cornell’s cousin, “Captain Chevron”, who was in Beijing doing skinhead missionary work. He also played bass and agreed to carry on the Cornell’s legacy. Two weeks into our “Hammer of the fuckin ’77 boot lager” tour in support of boot boy legends “The Sussed Penders”, the Captain took a nosedive, slipping on a banana peel into a vat of molten steel at a Ford truck factory in Detroit. He’s now not only a part of Oi! history, but a part of a ’77 Ford extra cab pick up as well! As fate would have it our publicist, “Hairy” Jackie Danny, picked up this vehicle at a police auction couple of years back. So you see, the Captain is still doing his tour of duty in the Oil! Army. Since the Captain, Oil! has had 7 bass players who are all, unfortunately, no longer with us. Billy Boot Boy and Lager Larry died by assassination. Sammy Superskin was poisoned. Private Skick stabbed Lorenzo Laces with a pencil. Argy Bargy Arnie stepped on a land mine during band practice. Troi! Was crushed to death during a publicity shot gone array at Stonehenge. Lamar Monday checked out via good old-fashioned Oil! boot party, and Steve SHaved was mauled by a pack of wild snow pygmies! We’ve since been blessed with the company of former child actor Bovver Bob, whom we met in the fragrance department at JC Penny’s in Lincoln Nebraska during the third leg of our “Pussy Punks Eat Pink Pickled Pears” tour in mid’76. We also added Union Jackie on second guitar for a spell. SHe had to bow out after severing 9 appendages in what is now know as “the helicopter surfing mishap of ’76”. SHe now works as a message therapist in San Francisco. After we ditched the retard, we added world-renowned gymnast Backdoor Johnny for the rhythm spot. He had just received his masters in geriatric gynecology, with a double minor in vegetarian livestock and calcium anthropology. He put his promising future on hold, for the rock star life. Oil! recorded in late ’77 and continued to tour until mid’79 when disaster struck. The Clockwork Kid stabbed David Geffen’s personal assistant to death with a pencil during the record signing party, after a heated exchange between the two men as to what Clockwork considered an “odd number”. He’s been incarcerated in San Quentin and is slated for release from death row in December 2003. Bovver Bob has since opened his own clothing line and is credited with the edible boot. He resides in lovely Compton CA, Backdoor Johnny lives in a start up home in suburban Tempe with his wife Ed who’s an officer of the law twice decorated. He sells chitlans. Private Skick continues to tour as a drummer for rock legends “Pansy Division”. I have since sailed back to Soho, London and have released several books of poetry. Most notably my ’85 Pulitzer Prize winning book “Poi!etry, I’ll stomp yer fuckin balls in!” Oil! had lost contact with one another until one fine day when Bob tried to flog me a pink two-two at Camden market. He then informed me of Clockwork’s inevitable parole date. We’ve all since been in contact and will be reforming (with good time) December 20th 2003. Due to the dim-witted law system in the states, Geffen’s lawyer had until recently, had the power to deem our recordings “unreleasable”, and has not seen the light of day,. Until now… A big cheers to Ghetto-Rock and NomaBeach records for teaming up and buying out our 40 year Geffen contract, and bringing you our motherfuckin oi! masterpiece… “The Glory Of Honour!”-Corpral Boots June 31st-2003