SIMPLE FACTS ABOUT LIFE
Life is too short, and the time we waste in yawning never can be regained.
Life is too short to stuff a mushroom.
Why do people always apologize to corpses?
The clock talked loud. I threw it away, it scared me what it talked
There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint!
Good luck finding a candy-flavored ferret.
Stop being such a baby and chop my hands off!
Friendship is the opposite of hungry monkeys.
You can't fight evil with a macaroni duck!
I'm betting that I'm just abnormal enough to survive.
If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
Pardon me brother, care to donate to the Anti Mugging-You fund?
Don't piss me off. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come running to me.
Reality is always controlled by the people who are most insane.
Red meat is not bad for you. Blue-green fuzzy meat is bad for you.
Very nice. You must hate it.
Just in case your wondering what this whole things is about then let me tell you - Sundays do indeed smell purple.
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