DAVE BONDY

i have deprseeion issues, i am a broderline physcotic, my father is a paranoid schizoprenic every day i wake up wondering if i will be the same way. i get angry and cannot calm down ... nothing calms me down sometimes i remain angry for weeks on end . i literally will open my eyes in the morning and be angry about the same thing that made me angry for the past week. i get lonely alot i like talking on the phone to ease this. i have severe vengance issues if someone does something to me i can not let it go, i have to do something 100 times worse back.i never have a girlfriend because of these problems and thats why i never feel loved. not feeling loved has ruined all my confidence as a person somone would want to love. i cannot talk to girls my age because they scare me because i now know how worthless of a human i am. i am dealing with the fact that i will die alone some people aren't meant to be loved and i am one of them.i am not comfortable where other people are because i feel like i don't fit in. i have tried to kill myself twice hardcore was the only thing that saved me. sometimes i wonder if i would have been better off dead because i wouldn't have had such a negative impact on everybody. sometimes i feel bad for things i have done to people . i work alot because i am a totally different person there and i like who i am there better. i often wish i was normal and get jelous of the people who it comes so easy to. i start to hate them for it when they haven't done anything . one of the pshychiatrists i used to see told me that statistically i should not have been able to graduate highscool i should be addicted to hard drugs and i should not be able to hold down a steady job . shrinks have a hard time diagnosing me for some reason