Born into a Polish/German/Irish/Native American family with a fine appreciation of kielbasa and circumcision, James enjoyed a conflicted childhood. Running away to find himself at the age of six, James ventured 3 blocks before returning to his bustling metropolis hometown after realizing he hadn't eaten a proper lunch. Many proper lunches, and 10-course (Twinkies comprising 9 of them) dinners later, James was left overweight, creatively frustrated, and with a rather large belly button.
Utilizing all 3 super-powers, James ventured unto a theatre-camp called "Tomato-Patch" surrounded by other freakish, awkward middle-school students who would see past the surface and embrace him as a kindred spirit. Here James earned the gloriously accepting nickname "Tomato" - a jovial play-on-words based on the camp name and his uncanny ability to turn completely red when ostracized by his blessed "kindred spirits".
Later, James remained the same weight yet grew a full 14 inches(height). He then lost the title of "Most likely to get a male bra-check" - falling 9 spots to "10th most likely" -a crushing blow he has since learned to live with. Now marvelous yet still believing himself to be the awkward, unliked fat-kid James decided he would devote his life to an occupation that would put him straight-out in front of large crowds with no safety net, performing vigorously for little monetary reward all in the name of love and acceptance.
James' strickening phobia of midgets won out, however, and the circus idea was abandoned for a career in Acting. James received full scholarship to the number 3 American acting academy bested only by Harvard and the Yale School of Drama: prestigious Rider U. It was there James devoted every waking moment to the theatre and the complete destruction of his liver and sexual reputation. Years later, James is a semi-successful actor on his way to being a B-list movie star following the path of his heroes Mickey Rourke, Jan-Michael Vincent, and Kato Kaelin.
Most prefer a life lived in beige. F*ck that. Own it. Puta.