I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Boy, you really like Tide.
The thing about tennis is: no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're fucking relentless.
I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow shit.
2-in-1 is a bullshit term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for... That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.
I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...
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