The Chauffeur profile picture

The Chauffeur

You hate me!

About Me


I tend to exist.
I probably don't like you. At all.
I'm a little worse for wear, but I'm wearing it well.
I make strange, unflattering faces increasingly with each day that passes.
I'm gay for pie.
Soy un perdedor.
You don't have to go through the McDonalds drive-thru; you can have my McDick up inside you.
I fuck like a girl.

My Interests

baking, brain meat but not brain squirrells, cat snakes, citrus fruit, cooking, crafting, crocheting, cutting and gluing paper, Depeche Mode makeout parties, dictionary definitions, Djarum Black Cloves, fucking, gine, Halls defensive vitamin C lozenges, Hobotown gospel revival, horses and planes and helicopters, humanzes, ???, Leslie Cochran, loving the alien, the Medici family, peen, Pork Pizza, Solar Jet Squad, spring, tea parties, teenage flesh.

I'd like to meet:


Robots and zombies.
No goth fatties.

Movies:

Audition, Bubba Ho-Tep, ?????

Television:

The Adventures of Brisco County Jr, ????????????

Books:

Reading: One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey

Heroes:

David fucking Bowie, Bud Cort, Bill Murray, Bruce Campbell, and Beck Hansen.

My Blog

OMG SIRVAY.

1. Are you taller than your best friend?I'm only taller than one of my best friends.2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?Those pens that come from Blue Sky Printing serve me pretty well.3. Look at yo...
Posted by The Chauffeur on Mon, 19 Nov 2007 10:07:00 PST

About LiveJournal.

I'm leaving LiveJournal. At least for now.   I am sure most of you know about this already, but a few of you probably do not - the mass deleting suspension of journals and communities on LiveJo...
Posted by The Chauffeur on Thu, 31 May 2007 11:27:00 PST

Lamesies

Tonight's plans include doing crunches and sewing buttons back onto coats.  Maybe I'll even find something else to clean.  You so wish you were me right now, I can tell....
Posted by The Chauffeur on Wed, 14 Mar 2007 07:23:00 PST

A question of science.

Why don't I sleep anymore?  I managed eight hours or so last night, but I was passed out drunk and woke up feeling like shit because I was hungover.  Thus I am no better off than I have been...
Posted by The Chauffeur on Sun, 11 Mar 2007 04:02:00 PST

Private Myspace profiles.

What exactly is the point of having a Myspace if you're going to put your profile on private?  I don't get it.  Myspace is advertised as a way of meeting people, but how are people supposed ...
Posted by The Chauffeur on Mon, 05 Mar 2007 01:18:00 PST

one word answer meme.

In One Word Describe:1. Yourself:lamefaced2. Your personality:boring3. Your hair?browny4. Your mother?round5. Your Father?smelly6. Your Favorite Item:books7. Your dream last night:weird-o8. Your Favor...
Posted by The Chauffeur on Thu, 24 Aug 2006 07:20:00 PST

My first tattoo.

Oh, fatty. AHAHAHAHAHA.  By the way, that massive zit on my chin is named Cliff. That's Tony. My dad. Me(a)gan. That's pretty much it.  Sometimes it hurt like a bitch and I want...
Posted by The Chauffeur on Wed, 19 Jul 2006 07:10:00 PST

OH SHEEIT.

MONDAY, MONDAY, MONDAY! Is my 18th birthday.  In honor of this occasion, I am getting a tattoo on my spine, and it's going to hurt like a bitch. Also on monday (hopefully)... LAPDANCE AT A TITY ...
Posted by The Chauffeur on Sun, 16 Jul 2006 12:26:00 PST

The return.

I am now home, where I am not able to drink at my leisure.  Woe is the boozer in me.
Posted by The Chauffeur on Mon, 03 Jul 2006 01:19:00 PST

Random factlets about my post-graduation trip thus far.

I have decided that it is best to wear pants instead of short skirts on airplanes where the fabric covering the seats is of a vinyl variety, so as to avoid A) sticking to the seat, and B) feeling rath...
Posted by The Chauffeur on Tue, 27 Jun 2006 05:08:00 PST