You can check out my personal page here- my personal MySpace page
For a wile I had my profile hidden. Well, this is me. This is who I am. If you do like it or you want to change me- FUCK OFF!. Having an ED isnt pretty, its not glamorous, but its who I am. I accept who I am (so do my BFF and my BF), ED and all. Either learn to accept it too or let me be.
I was diagnosed with COE (compulsive over eating) when I was 14 and my mom took me to a fat camp for teens. I was so discussed with myself I vowed to never be that fat again. I became anorexic knowing that if I ate something I would eat everything so instead I chose to eat nothing. Two years ago after I had my son I realized I was back to being that huge fat ass who I hated. I was 162 lbs. and a size 16. I hated myself for letting my COE back into my life. I stopped eating and started with my ana again. I am now 97 lbs. and a size 2. My first goal is to reach 95lbs. like I was in high school. My final goal is to be 82 lbs. I am pro-ana and feel that it is my choice to be this way. I know i'm sick. I also know I have a problem, I don't care. It's not media, so don't blame starvation imagery in the media. I am the way I am because I like it. I don?t want to change or get help.
You ask why we can't just be ok with our bodies they way they are. Well part of what we are is anorexic. So it's ok to except yourself fat but not ok to except that you have anorexia? It's that a double standard? I have come to except that I have a problem, and I'm not normal. But I'm ok with that. And I seek to find others that can except that they also have an eating disorder. No body wants to be around people who are going to tell you that you are sick or wrong for what you are doing. As humans we will always seek out those who are like us. We see that we are killing our selves but just like people who smoke and know they are killing themselves we cant stop. Its an addiction and an obsession that goes beyond words. I started just waning to not be a size 16, maybe more like a 9. Weight was never a part of it. Now I fit into girl size clothes and seek to be 82 lbs. I weigh myself several times a day. I never wanted to be like this. I would rather be able to go back to being fat and happy then thin and miserable. But I also know that I will never be able to be fat and happy. And even at 95 lbs I felt fat. I think of food and hunger and control every second of every day. I cant just eat. If I eat I feel full and fat and I want to be empty and thin. Then I spend 30mins sticking my toothbrush down my throat to feel empty again. I come on these gropes because they make me feel like I am not different and that there are others like me. No one really wants to be alone in the end.
HT: 5ft. 2in.
CW: 110 lbs. BMI: 20.1
HW: 162 lbs. BMI: 29.6
LW: 95 lbs. BMI: 17.4
GW1: 100 lbs. BMI: 18.3
GW2: 95 lbs. BMI: 17.4
UGW: 82 lbs. BMI: 15
..START BZOINK.COM SURVEY CODE
.*Eating Disorder Survey*.
General
Age?: 25
Height?: 5'2"
Weight?: 97 lbs.
Lowest Weight?: 95
Highest Weight?: 165
What weight do you want to weigh?: 82
What eating disorder do you have?: EDNOS
In Depth
How many calories do you eat in a day, on average?: 100
Do you throw up your food on occasion?: yes
Do you want to look like a supermodel/actress?: no
Are you in some sort of extracurricular sport, ie soccer or track?: no
Has anyone ever teased you about your weight?: yes
Have you ever fasted? If so, for how long?: 5 days
Do you take laxatives to get rid of food/calories?: i have
Are you 'inspired' by models/actresses?: aren't we all
Have you ever been hospitalised for your ED?: no but i do go to fat camp
Have you ever ingested Ipecac to induce vomiting?: no
Have you ever tried to recover from your eating disorder?: yes
Body Image Q's
Do you constantly see yourself as fat, even though others say you are not?: yes
What part of your body would you change?: i just want to be smaller
On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you with your body?: -10
Do you judge your value/merit solely on your weight/body?: yes
Because of your body apperance/weight, have you become severely depressed?: yes
Do you constantly compare your bodies to supermodels/actresses?: yes
Health/Food
Do you think you eat healthy enough?: no
Are you morbidly afraid to eat carbs?: no
Fat grams?: yes
Calories?: yes
Are you often tired/fatigued?: yes
Do you feel more energised after eating food?: no
Do you eat meat?: no
Do you eat your food in a certain way? ie cut it up into small pieces, etc.: yes
Do people tell you you look sick or famished?: yes
Have you ever thrown up blood?: yes
Is your heart bpm above 49?: i don't know
Do you have fainting spells from lack of eating?: i have
Other Stuff
Do you think the media is at fault for the prevalence of eating disorders?: no
What's your opinion of Pro-Ana?: i am pro-ana
Do you have any other mental disorders? ie Bipolar, BDD, etc.: BPD, OCD
What's your favourite food to eat?: i don't think there is anything anymore
Favourite drink?: beer
Do you often wish you didn't have an ED?: yes
Do you want to recover?: not as of now, i want to die
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