Wasted For The Weekend[164.2]

I smashed the mirror today, you left me alone. I cant escape from you, but mostly not from myself.I do believe I am running away from the person I hate most.All this wishing I was dead is getting old, old but still there. I cant hide from myself, and the hate inside the mirror...START BZOINK.COM SURVEY CODE
THE ULTIMATE EATING DISORDER SURVEY
?The Proud Eating Disorder Survey?
What eating disorder(s) do you have?: Anorexia/Bulimia
How do you have this eating disorder?: Well, one day i thought if i could put it in, i could get it out. I didnt want to be fat anymore.
Why do you have this eating disorder?: Because i hate the way i look. I feel worthless and disgusting.
Are you happy with your eating disorder?: No. Im not where i want to be yet. But ill get there.
How long have you had an eating disorder?: Just about two years now.
How long do you expect to keep your eating disorder?: For life. No one realy gets over an ED.
Do you ever plan on getting rid of this eating disorder?: No.
Are you proud or ashamed of your eating disorder?: Proud. But i dont flaunt it. Too many people asking questions i dont want to answer.
Explain in full detail what you do that makes you have an eating disorder:: I eat little if nothing at all. I cut my food into small peices and rarely finish any food i start to eat. I only eat around people so they dont get suspicious.
Do people know about your eating disorder?: Some do.
Is there anyone that doesn't know about your eating disorder?: Yes. Like i said, i dont flaunt it.
Do you plan on telling everyone?: No.
If not, why are you keeping it a secret?: Because i dont want to be forced to stop. Im not at my goal yet.
If anyone knows about your eating disorder, do they bug you about it?: Yes. I get shit for it everyday.
Do you want help with your eating disorder?: No.
Do you even consider it a disorder?: I know it is, but i know that i deny denial, too.
What did your body used to look like?: Nothing but fat.
What does your body look like now?: Still hugely fat, but getting better. I dont have a double chin anymore.
Are you happy with your body now?: No.
If not, what do you want your body to look like?: I dont want to have rolls. I dont want to jiggle when i walk.
Who's body do you want your body to look like?: Many girls bodies i have seen. I just want to be beautiful.
How long do you think it will take for your body to be perfect?: Months.
What do you think it will take for your body to be perfect?: Control.
Do you just have an eating disordor, or do you exercise to?: I exercise.
What excersize(s) do you do?: Mostly sit ups, running, and push ups.
Why do you do these excersize(s)?: To gain some muscle.
How do they help?: They've made me a bit stronger than before. Also, my arms are smaller. My stomache is flatter.
If you don't excersize, why not?: See above.
When was the last time you ate?: Today. I was forced.
What was the last thing you ate?: A roll.
When do you plan on eating next?: The day after tomorrow.
How many calories, fat, carbs, sugars, etc do you consume a day?: It depends on if im around people, or what mood im in. Its hard to explain.
How many calories, fat, carbs, sugars, etc do you wish you consumed a day?: None.
What did you eat for breakfast?: Nothing.
What did you eat for lunch?: Chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, corn, green beans, and cake. *silently vomits*
What did you eat for dinner?: A roll.
What is your favorite ED food?: Celery and Mustard.
What foods are you allowed to eat?: Anything without fat and calories.
What foods are you not allowed to eat?: Anything with fat and over 30 calories.
What are the most tempting foods that you LOVE but yet HATE?: Cake. Ranch. Greasy things.
What helps you not think about or eat your: My what? That question was not carefully thought out.
Who is your biggest thinspiration?: No one inparticular.
Why is she your favorite thinso?: See above.
Who is your biggest famous thinspiration (someone you don't know)?: Kate Moss.
Why is she your favorite thinso?: Her beauty is effortless.
Count down your top 5 favorite thinspirations:: Id rather not.
Why are they your biggest thinspos?: See above agian.
Are you jealous of your thinspirations?: Yes.
Do you want to be like them, look like them, or have their bodies?: Yes.
Do they inspire you?: Yes.
How do they inspire you?: How their bones protrude so easily.
What do they inspire you to do?: Not eat.
What do they inspire you to be like?: Strong. Have control.
Do you think you're skinny or fat?: Fat.
What do you care about more: your weight, your size, or the way you look?: All. But i dont care what other people think. I care about what I THINK.
Are you satisfied with your weight?: No.
When will you be satisfied with your weight?: When im at 120
Are you satisfied with your size?: No.
When will you be satisfied with your size?: When im a size six.
Are you satisfied with the way you look?: No.
When will you be satisfied with the way you look?: When my skin clears up and i lose wieght.
How do you feel about your weight?: I think its out of control.
On a scale 1-10, rate yourself on your weight:: 2.
How do you feel about your size?: I think i need to be smaller.
On a scale 1-10, rate yourself on your size:: 1.
How do you feel about the way you look?: Dont like it.
On a scale 1-10, rate yourself on the way you look:: 4.
Your Starting Weight:: 196
Your Current Weight:: 167.6
Your Goal Weight:: 120.2
Your Starting Size:: Size 24 pants.
Your Current Size:: Size 13/14 pants.
Your Goal Size:: Six.
Describe what you looked like when you started:: Messy, short, fat, rolly.
Describe what you look like currently:: Same, but less.
Explain in full detail how you want to look in the end:: I want to have skinny arms. I want my thighs not to touch. I want a flat stomache.
Will your eating disorder ever end even when you get to your goal look?: Probably not.
Why will you keep this eating disorder after you're perfect?: Because the search for perfection never ends.
What is perfection mean to you?: It means being empty. Being pure. Being light as air.
Do you think you're beautiful?: No.
How do you feel about yourself (on the outside)?: I have never been pretty. My ED is my last and only hope.
How do you feel about yourself (on the inside)?: I hate myself. Im not exagerating. I just want to love myself, but i cant if i look the way i do.
Do you love yourself or hate yourself?: See above.
Is your body perfect?: No.
Do you want your body to be perfect?: Yes.
Describe the PERFECT BODY:: Skinny arms and legs, flat stomache, clear skin, thick and shiney hair, nice tan, and a bit of muscle.
Do you know anyone who has this perfect body?: No.
Who?: ...
Are you really hardcore or pretty chill about your eating disorder?: HxC
Are you having fun with your eating disorder or is does life feel limited?: Limited. Its hell, but i WILL succeed.
Do you love your eating disorder?: Yes.
Do you love your way of life?: No. I have to hide who i am because people wouldnt like the real me.
What inspires your eating disorder (what helps you not be tempted to eat)?: Looking at myself in the mirror.
Are there any pressures with your eating disorder, if so what pressures?: Yes. I feel like if i dont get skinny soon, ill lose myself. Ill die.
Do you ever feel sick or faint because of your eating disorder?: Yes.
What do you do if you feel that way?: I lay down, or ignore it.
What is your ultimate goal with this eating disorder?: To be able to wear shorts and a tight tank top without feeling self concious.
Are you happy with your resaults from your eating disorder?: No. I could have been so much better.
Do you have any ED tips for a pro or a newbie just getting started?: Stay focused. Never let yourself slip. This is a battle. If you dont win, life will be nothing but dissapointment and failure.
Take this survey | Find more surveys | MySpace Surveys
Bzoink - The Original Survey Site ..END BZOINK.COM SURVEY CODE