I am an enigma wrapped in a mystery sandwiched between two whole quarter pound beef patties of paradox smothered with conundrum sauce.
Don't try grab or hold on to me, because if you do you'll just get burned... or at the very least develop an intermittent irritation and swelling in areas of prolonged contact. If conditions persist, discontinue use.
When someone asks if I like them, sometimes I'll tell them "no" just to see how they respond, to see what they're made of. Other times I'll scream the word "OKLAHOMA" repeatedly at them while doing a violent, flailing dance. It is only when we are confronted with the absurd that we really find out who we are. For instance, when we come upon a floating giant tap-dancing tunafish locked in a bird's cage made of a rare, incandescent cheese... are we not just confronting ourselves?
Sometimes I feel that people don't really understand or know me. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know myself. Just the other day, for instance, I had the cops arrest me for breaking into my own apartment. I walked past the mirror and started screaming, demanding to know who I was and how the hell I had gotten in here.