Twisted Edge - Where Humor Goes To Die.
Part-time Ninja (previously known as David X):
Owner. Founder. A genius not to be appreciated in this lifetime. A part-time assassin of the night, now out of work because of the politically incorrect status of cold-blooded, covert murder. Founded this whole TwistedEdge waste of time during a winter break because he was bored. Has not left the house since. Is addicted to the twin Gods of Dr Pepper and Budweiser. Enjoys greasy foods, bad movies, looking down on people and laughing at those less fortunate than himself. Generally doesn't give a shit. Has recently been accused of smelling of brine.
Occupation: Cloaked assassin of the night, but currently unemployed due to "us Ninjas having a real shitty union." Was once a human test subject for prototype male breast implants.
Greatest Fear: Ending up being that lonely, dodgy old guy drinking alone in the pub.
Interesting Fact: Rumour has it he has a receding hairline that defines the limitations of God, Mother Nature, and which medical science can't even begin to explain. It is also alleged that he gets all hot and sweaty whenever Dolph Lundgren is on TV...
Sir JBJ:
Noted researcher and reviewer extraordinaire, the one and only Sir JBJ lurks deep within the bowels of TwistedEdge, surfacing every full moon to reep terror upon the unsuspecting victims who lie in his wake. The man who needs no introduction (mainly because he hasn't got round to writing one yet) Sir JBJ was one of the first un-suspecting victims to be recruited for the cause. Has recently begun claiming to be better than Jesus, just for the hell of it.
Occupation: Official food taster of baked beans during the day, official quality tester of Stella Artois during the night. JBJ is a man who takes great pride in his work...
Greatest Fear: Wouldn't say at first, but a recent conversation revealed the following:
Ninja: Hey buggerlugs - what's your greatest fear?
JBJ: I'd say waking up with a midget next to me or, to steal a line from Loaded Weapon, waking up without a penis.
Ninja: How about waking up with a midget who's in the process of stealing your penis?
JBJ: What you trying to do? Scare the living shit out of me?! I won't be able to sleep tonight!
Ninja: Of course not. There'll be a midget. And a hacksaw. And lots of blood. And possibly some sort of bizarre compensation claim...
JBJ: Seriously mate. You need to get out more...
The L.c:
The man himself, The L.c lurks deep within the cold and slimy dungeons of TwistedEdge. What does he do? Fuck knows. Writer? Reviewer? Researcher? Space flight test subject? Only time will tell. One thing is for certain - things will never be the same once the dark, evil powers of this criminal mastermind are unleashed upon society. Who knows? Maybe one day he might even get off his wide, bitch ass and write his own intro. The man's a legend - watch and see.
Occupation: Famed international roller-coaster designer and occasional gangsta.
Greatest Fear: Also fears being the dodgy old guy in the pub. And The French.
Interesting Fact: Knows more about the film Aliens than any normal human being really should, and actually has the Deception Logo tattooed on his back. The latter may turn out to be a mistake, however, as nobody trusts a Decepticon.
Vladimir Puchovsky:
TwistedEdge's resident psycho, fresh from God-only-knows-where. Vlad has problems; be it the constant alcohol abuse, the psychotic rantings, the cross-dressing, or his constant raping of the English language, the One Man War never ceases to entertain. Vlad doesn't exactly have a job here in the traditional sense. He doesn't do any work. He has no role here - we just keep him for entertainment purposes. Despite the sheer insanity, you can't help but love the guy...
Occupation: Apparently doesn't understand the meaning of the word. Is on the run from, and I quote, "The Man."
Greatest Fear: Being bitten by Courtney Love.
Interesting Fact: After his adventure stalking the self-proclaimed Bad Movie Guy, Vlad is thought to have gone into hiding in a fit of lovesick depression. As to when he'll make his epic return is as yet unknown.
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