Owen the Friendly Diner Owner

About Me

Hello, I'm Owen, your friendly diner proprietor. I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, 'Hey, he looks just like Elvis!' haha. I get that ALL the time. People say it, and I get *all shook up*. haha. No, I'm not Elvis. I'm the owner of a family-friendly restaurant with big-word printing on every menu because we cater to senior citizens (ask about our bean soup special, grandma!) as well as the young, hip and sexy crowd (karaoke, baby!). I am Lead Karaoke Singer on Tuesdays, and yes, I have been known to croon a ditty or two by my lookalike Elvis (the real one). I'm also SINGLE, laaaaadies, believe it or not. ha-ha. Oh, and if you're wondering what that fly is doing in your soup, don't ask the wait staff, ask me. I got a million funny comebacks.

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My Interests

I'd like to meet:

YOU if you love meat loaf. We are proud to introduce our new Meat Loaf Lovers Special, Monday-Wednesday only, a full half pound of meat loaf, you betcha! Our motto is, "Meat Loaf is for Lovers!" That's because meat loaf is a known aphrodisiac. Scientific fact! Also I want to meet you even if you don't like meat loaf because that isn't all we serve here, you know.

My Blog

DEAR MR. PRESIDENT: YOUR PHONE SEX OPERATOR BEGS YOUR "PARDON"

Dear President Bush:Howdy! It's me, your old pal, Owen G. Oralsecks III! I know, I bet you thought I'd died, huh? Ha-ha! I haven't written you in almost a month, not since that last letter - you know,...
Posted by on Wed, 28 May 2008 17:53:00 GMT

OWEN BLOWS UP HIS INFLATABLE DOLL

{lying on bed, blowing into tiny hole of brand-new inflatable doll ... Owen pauses, panting heavily ... Lionel Richie's "Three Times a Lady" plays softly in the background} G-g-gosh ... you sure do h...
Posted by on Mon, 19 May 2008 20:40:00 GMT

DEAR DIARY: MAMA BODYSLAMS THE FRENCH COWBOY

Dear Diary:Good news! Mama is out of jail AND she's talking to me again! She spoke to me twice last night on our double date at the wrestling match with Juanita the Cook and that Adam fella!Oh, Diary,...
Posted by on Thu, 15 May 2008 20:27:00 GMT

DEAR DIARY: MAMA’S DAY AT THE COUNTY JAIL

Dear Diary:Well, another Mother's Day has come and gone, and, boy, was it a doozy. The folks at the county jail weren't helpful at all. They said I could only have 15 minutes with Mama on account of i...
Posted by on Mon, 12 May 2008 19:41:00 GMT

OWEN’S TIPS ON GETTIN’ CHICKS: NEVER LET THEM HEAR YOU POOT

Now that I'm a full-fledged swinger, some of you fellas have asked me for advice on picking up foxy laaadies. Well, gosh, it's easy, really! Truth is, I've been a swinger all my life and just didn't k...
Posted by on Wed, 07 May 2008 22:48:00 GMT

DEAR DIARY: PRUNE JUICE, APPLESAUCE AND SWINGIN’!

Dear Diary: Gosh, I LOVE my new pals at the MILFs 'N' DILFs Swingers Club, and they seemed to love me, too. They welcomed me with open arms, they really did! They served refreshments and everyt...
Posted by on Tue, 06 May 2008 22:04:00 GMT

MY LETTER TO THE MILFS N DILFS SWINGERS CLUB (WITH SEXY PICS!)

Dear MILFs 'N' DILFs Swingers Club: Say howdy-do to your newest "member!" I "came" across your Web site ad last night, and your offer is "hard" to resist! Ha-ha! I am a swingin' single with a "gun ...
Posted by on Tue, 06 May 2008 04:19:00 GMT

DEAR DIARY: PLEASE DO NOT PET THE BABOON

Dear Diary:I am sorry for not writing to you last night, I got locked into the diner and no one even noticed I was missing. Wendy usually comes in early in the mornings, but she has the day off today,...
Posted by on Sat, 03 May 2008 08:29:00 GMT

DEAR DIARY: MY SNEAKY PLAN

Dear Diary:There is not enough Zima in the world to drown the O-Man's sorrows! That crazy singer chick still isn't talking to me, even though I saw her crying this morning and offered her a SNOT-FREE ...
Posted by on Thu, 01 May 2008 20:42:00 GMT

DEAR DIARY: THAT CRAZY SINGER CHICK

Dear Diary:My life is a great big piece of poop. No one talks to me at The Diner anymore because I upset that crazy singer chick when I said something about "jungle rot" to her, and it turns out she H...
Posted by on Wed, 30 Apr 2008 19:14:00 GMT