50 Things About Me:
1. I know for a fact that holy water does NOT make cool-aid taste better.
2. Despite the connotations, I have very small hands.
3. I once owned a female weiner-dog named Bob. She peed alot.
4. My fingernails grow ridiculously fast.
5. I will personally see to it that a person dies a bloody gory death if they dare put mayonaise into anything I'm eating without asking me first.
6. I use to purposely fall down stairs just to fuck with people.
7. I drink a mognicious amount of coffee every day
8. I make up words
9. I can turn any liquid into urine simply by drinking it
10. Hot pants are not a good look on me
11. I typically say out loud what you are thinking - and typically regret it
12. As a youth, I thought for the longest time that Pink Floyd was an actual person
13. Same thing goes for Lennard Skynnard
14. and Moby
15. I have never owned large belt buckles.
16. My tonsils are visible when I open my mouth
17. Very spicy food makes me hiccup uncontrollably
18. Same goes for the first swig of soda
19. That was the first time I have ever referred to "pop" as "soda."
20. I could beat the Pope's ass - if the money was right.
21. I have never broken any of my own bones.
22. I have, however, put the corner of the TV through my cheek when I was acting like Superman.
23. My step-brother once shot at me with his gun - he missed
24. It was only after I shot him - I didn't miss
25. From the ages of 14 - 19, I had my gun taken away
26. I have eaten practically every species of mammal, fish and foul indiginous to Ohio at one time or another.
27. A small blue piece of fuzz can typically be found under my right ear and I, for the life of me, have no clue where it comes from.
28. If being a jackass was a group sport, I would still be last picked - the FIRST time.
29. I am the only child of divorced parents
30. People say that explains alot
31. I have never once seen my mom or dad naked
32. I did, however, see my neighbor's mom naked.
33. My neighbor chipped my tooth with an axe handle
34. There are three reasons for my indecisiveness - NO - four.
35. If Angelina Jolie and I were the last people on earth and it was up to us to repopulate the planet, that would be pretty cool.
36. Despite the rumors to the contrary, I, in fact, HAVE been completely covered in fire ants
37. When it comes to my toe nails, I prefer the "rip" technique
38. I've never been a big fan of cake
39. I blame genetics for my personality defects, and beer.
40. My earliest memory was being spit on during nap time by a black kid named Claude
41. I still don't like black people.
42. I have never, not once, rode a camel
43. Once, while dreaming that I was on the toilet, I pooped the bed
44. If heaven does exist, I am soooo screwed
45. I put my pants on BOTH legs at a time
46. I once conned my step-brother into peeing on an electric fence. GOD that was funny!
47. My step-brother and I are not very close these days.
48. I am allergic to cats, but that does not keep me from hating them
49. I truly believe that the mentally retarded are on to something
and finally...
50. I am doing my part to help ensure that, one day, the entire galaxy will fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system. Let me show you how!
