Suppose the neutral angels were able to talk [God and Satan] into settling out of court. What would be the terms of the compromise? Specifically, how would they divide the assets of their earthly kingdom?
Would God be satisfied to take loaves and fishes and itty bitty thimbles of Communion wine, while allowing Satan to have the red-eye gravy, eighteen ounce New York steaks, and buckets of chilled champagne? Would God really accept twice-a-month lovemaking for procreative purposes and give Satan the all-night, no-holds-barred, nasty "can't-get-enough-of-you" hot-as-hell fucks?
Think about it. Would Satan get New Orleans, Bangkok, and the French Riviera and God get Salt Lake City? Satan get ice hockey, God get horseshoes? God get bingo; Satan, stud poker? Satan get LSD; God, Prozac? God get Neil Simon; Satan, Oscar Wilde?
Can anyone see Satan taking pirate radio stations and God being happy with the likes of CBS? God getting twin beds; Satan, waterbeds; God, Minnie Mouse, John Wayne, and Shirley Temple; Satan, Betty Boop, Peter Lorre, and Mae West; God, Billy Graham; Satan, the Dalai Lama? Would Satan get Harley Motorcycles; God, Honda golf carts? Satan get blue jeans and fish-net stockings; God, polyester suits and pantyhose? Satan get electric guitars; God, pipe organs; Satan get Andy Warhol and James Joyce; God, Andrew Wyeth and James Michener...Would Satan mambo and God waltz?
Would the Almighty God be that dorky? Or would he see rather quickly that Satan was making off with most of the really interesting stuff? More than likely he would. More than likely, God would holler, "Whoa! Wait just a minute here, Lucifer. I'll take the pool halls and juke joints, you take the church basements and Boy Scout jamborees. You handle content for a change, pal. I'm going to take - style!
