El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey profile picture

El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey

Risk vs. Reward. Nothing ventured, Nothing gained. Life without experiences in not a life at all.

About Me


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.. Create Your Own
.. Create Your OwnSo here I am, once again trying to the explain the anomoly better known as Me. Well, I'm a good guy for the most part, unless you get on my bad side. In which case I'll probly put you in "The SLAP". Haha. I'm a pretty easy going guy that enjoys hangin out with friends and cuttin a fool. I like hittin up the bars and clubs when I get a chance. Most of my friends would call me a stand up kind of guy. I occasionally partake in the enjoyment of a recreational beverage or two (or 3,or 4,or 5,etc.....). Haha. I do my fair share of drunk txting (this is usually the best time to either take advantage of me or ingore the hell out of me). I have been know to let my alligator mouth get my hummingbird behind in trouble. I'm not a jerk, just honest (sometimes brutally honest). I like to keeps it "REAL", but like The Dave Chapelle Show, I've personally seen what happens "When keepin it REAL goes wrong". Lol. I love my family. And nothing in the world will ever change that. I have 2 boys that are the main focus of my life. I can't wait to see them grow into fine successful young men. I find that the best way to get through the day is to laugh at the things that upset you and enjoy the things that please you. I have a pretty goofy side sometimes and enjoy making people laugh (with me, not at me, but sometimes both). I have a very Jerry Seinfeld meets Chris Rock sense of humor. I absolutely love MMA/submission grappling. I'll watch it whenever it comes on tv. I train MMA/submissions whenever possible and will roll with anybody that's game. I'm currently training and compete in MMA fighting, submission grappling, boxing and various other forms of mano y mano combat. Now for some of the uniquie oddities that make me, Me. I've never been to Ohio, but I love Ohio State football (GO BUCKEYES!!!) and will talk trash to anybody that dare's to hate on the scarlet and gray, or the Big 10 conference for that matter. I can solve a rubix cube (the right way) in under 3 minutes (1:20 min best). I mix mayo & ketchup for my fries. I'm only 5'8", but have a 6' armspan. When I'm down to fight weight, I can actually bench press double my body weight (hence being dubbed "the Gorilla"). Lol. I feel that all asshole drivers should be beat w/ a bamboo cane, shot with tazer, and loose their driving privilages for 13 months. And it has been scientifically proven that I am, in fact, the best driver around and every other driver on the road besides me is in fact the asshole previously mentioned. I have mad ninja skillz and will test them on any mark ass busta I deem derserving. My rottweiler puppy is an excellent ju-jitsu practice partner and makes great conversation when no one else is around. I'm like Rain Man when it comes to remembering movies/movie quotes. I listen to classical music for enjoyment and not as a sleeping aid. I'm ambidextrous in every way except for shooting a basketball. When my boys tell other kids that "My dad can kick your dad's ass", they're being honest 91% of the time. I'll try ANY food at least once. I prefer to be called eclectic as opposed to random. But random is just fine as well. Oh yeah, and when it comes to women, I tend to think I have a unique and topical point of view, but I have a funny way of expressing my opinions in an extremely entertaining fashion that usually makes guys and girls alike, laugh their ass off. In all reality I'm a big ass softy who's a romantic at heart. Whether its friends, family, or the love of my life (whoever that ends up being), I'm loyal to no end. For the most part, thats me in a nutshell. I am who I am, and I do what I do. If you'd like to know more about me, feel free to message and ask more. I don't bite, I promise. I'm a pretty open person.
TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Mike "Ninja" Parker, a.k.a. - P. Diddy, Black Mike, Gorilla, Big Mike, CHOCOLATE THUNDA!!! Lol.
Birthday: November 20, 1979 - Scorpio fool
Birthplace: The LBC
Current Location: Tucson (Hot as the sun), Az
Eye Color: brown
Hair Color: black
Height: 5'8"
Right Handed or Left Handed: Mostly right, but a little bit of both
Your Heritage: Black, hispanic, and Indian (com'on now, every Mexican believes he's an Aztec warrior)
The Shoes You Wore Today: My Adidas!!!
Your Weakness: CHEESECAKE !!!!
Your Fears: There's nothing to fear but fear itself, unless you fear me. Then its perfectly acceptable.
Your Perfect Pizza: Meatlovers, accompanied by a fresh order of garlic bread stix and a coke
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Just make it through with my sanity in tact.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: J/k, Lol, Whats good, what's crack-a-lackin, Sup yo
Thoughts First Waking Up: "Damn, I can only hit snooze 2 more times before I really got to get up"
Your Best Physical Feature: My legs; they're really chicken like, but perfectly good for kickin your ass. Haha!!
Your Bedtime: I'm such a night owl its rediculous.
Your Most Missed Memory: The wild ass round the clock partying in Germany with the crew (wanna see my phone trick?)Haha!!. Good ass times
Pepsi or Coke: coke (with a touch of rum)
MacDonalds or Burger King: double cheeseburger off the dollar menu please. What? I'm a dollarmenuaire
Single or Group Dates: I like both. Just depends on my mood at the time. I have a good time no matter what really.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: both (doesn't really matter to me)
Chocolate or Vanilla: depends on what it is
Cappuccino or Coffee: coffee - black, no sugar, no cream. I'm wierd like that
Do you Smoke: Hell no - THAT SHIT IS GROSS!!!
Do you Swear: Say what?!? Motha(shut yo mouth)!!
Do you Sing: In the car, shower or when I'm really drunk, I'm a regular American Idol.
Do you Shower Daily: Now define daily. That's not funk, it's the smell of a whole lotta man. J/k. Of course I do. (B.O. is gross!!!)
Have you Been in Love: sure have
Do you want to go to College: I should be starting on my second degree any time now
Do you want to get Married: One of lifes greatest uncertainties. Sure I'd like to be happily married one of these days.
Do you belive in yourself: If I don't, who will
Do you get Motion Sickness: nope
Do you think you are Attractive: I'm sexy, bitches - didn't ya'll get the memo !?!
Are you a Health Freak: I workout a lot, but one of my biggest weeknesses is food. I love it A LOT!!
Do you get along with your Parents: Mom dukes and Pop dukes, fo sho
Do you like Thunderstorms: love'em
Do you play an Instrument: This one time at band camp.............................
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol: I've partaken in a few recreational beverages now and then
In the past month have you Smoked: Nah, not really my thing
In the past month have you been on Drugs: "Cocaine's a helluva drug!!"
In the past month have you gone on a Date: A triple date with Me, Myself, and I (three of the sexiest mofos around)
In the past month have you gone to a Mall: sure have
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos: No, but I ate a whole bag of sour cream & onion Ruffles
In the past month have you eaten Sushi: Yessir, that shit is the bomb!!! Please pass the wasabi
In the past month have you been on Stage: Nah, but I do dance around the living room in my drawers, ya know, in case I want to try my hand as a male stipper. Haha!!! (SAY WHAT!!!)
In the past month have you been Dumped: Nah homie, not me
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping: only in the bath tub
In the past month have you Stolen Anything: I stole a pen from work. Does this mean I'm going to hell?
Ever been Drunk: No ocifer, I haven't been drunking tonite. What do you mean get out of the car?
Ever been called a Tease: Way back when I was in like high school and shit
Ever been Beaten up: Are you serious? Fuuuucccckkkk No!!! ok maybe. Wait a minute. Hell no!!!!
Ever Shoplifted: Once, back in Cali when I was like 13. Me and my friend Derek stole some stuff (Ocean's Eleven style).
How do you want to Die: Like Tony Montana
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Rick James, bitch!!!!!!!
What country would you most like to Visit: Spain, Austalia, and I'd like to go back to Japan or Germany
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: green or hazel, but blue and brown work just fine too.
Favourite Hair Color: doesn't really matter (as long as the shit ain't green or blue)
Short or Long Hair: I kind of dig both, but if I had to choose, I'd say long
Height: I've always had a thing for taller women, but maybe that's been my downfall. Who knows??? Lol.
Weight: doesn't matter (as long as I can pick her up). Lol
Best Clothing Style: smart, sexy, casual.
Number of Drugs I have taken: I plead the fifth
Number of CDs I own: can you say MP3? C'mon, what are we, in the friggin 90's
Number of Piercings: I've got 3. Wanna know where? Lol. On a female, who knows. As long as it doesn't look tacky.
Number of Tattoos: I've got 8 (and plan on more). On a female, as long as they're not over the top and within reason.
Number of things in my Past I Regret: hind sight 20/20. No regrets, only lessons learned
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

My Interests

Spelunking, cliff diving, base jumping, and fornicating (a lot). {This is all part of an inside joke that you had to be there}. I've been involved in wrestling, judo, BJJ, taditional boxing, muy tai kickboxing, and MMA. But for now, my focus is MMA, submission grappling, and kickboxing. When I get the chance, I'd like to continue working towards my black belt in judo and also take up sambo. I love putting people in "The SLAP" (those who have been put in "The SLAP" know all to well exactly what it is). Haha. I like my TAPOUT and SPRAWL shorts. I also like bungee jumping, riding motorcycles, driving fast, and I'm probably gonna go skydiving sometime soon (can someone say adrenaline junkie). And oh yeah, I really like OHIO ST. FOOTBALL!!!!!!!

I'd like to meet:

I'm always down to meet chill ass people that like to kick it go out and just hang; whether its at the bar, the club, or just kickin it at a homies place. I'm always up for making new friends and getting in touch with old ones. Ones social circle can never be to big. I'd really like to get private tennis lessons from Maria Sharapova (she's hott as hell!), get financial advise from Donald Trump, and meet the Pope. What, he's only like the holiest guy on the face of the whole damn planet. There's a ton of fighters I'd like to meet and get a chance to train with. If I had to pic one I'd have to say that I'd want to train with Fedor Emelianenko. That dude's a fuckin beast and I'd venture to say that he's probly the most hardcore BAMF on the whole damn planet. If you don't believe me, check out this YouTube vid.
Oh, by the way!!! Did I mention that I want to meet Kyra Gracie!!! Can you say - SUPER HOTTTTT BADASS!!! I'm pretty sure she could kick my ass at BJJ, but something tells me that I don't think I'd really mind. I think I love her!!! Oh, and for the record, I would have her babies......and not the other way around.

Music:


Anything from Anthony Hamilton to Slipknot, Mozart to Jigga. I like pretty much anything I can download. I like rap, rock, hip-hop, r&B, metal, classical, techno, alternative, old school (80's music/70's motown). I'm not a big fan of country, but if I'm forced to (i.e. kidnapped and tied down) I'll listen to it.

Movies:

Pretty much anything I can download or thats out on DVD. Ask anybody that knows me. I am the movie oracle. Name it and I've either seen it or seen the previews enough times to know the basic plot. I am a movie guru. Anybody who is anybody should play the Kevin Bacon game when they get drunk and/or bored. I've been know to through out random quotes from movies. I can't help it, my brain works in widescreen.

Television:

The Ultimate Fighter, UFC Unleased, PRIDE Fighting Championships, CSI Las Vegas, CSI New York, Law & Order, Law & Order SVU (detective Olivia Benson is the hottest cop EVER!!), Punk'd, Web Junk, JAG, NCIS, Family Guy (Stewie is the man), and the Dave Chappelle Show.

Books:

Maxim, Stuff, FHM (If I said that I like the articles, would you believe me?). I'm not really a big book reader, but I do read a lot of magazines (i.e. Ultimate Grappler, Elite Fighter, Full Contact Fighter, Tapp Out, and Subfighter). I have on occassions picked up a Cosmo or two. Its like getting a look at the opposing teams secret play book.

Heroes:

Baer (Bizzledizzle), Rocco the porn star, your mom (ooohh burn!!), and all my little Hulkamaniacs.

My Blog

The lost art of leadership

I really hate how many people can't grasp the concept of being a good leader vs. manger. I mean everyone in charge would like to "believe" that they are a good leader. Their ego wouldn't allow th...
Posted by El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey on Fri, 25 Apr 2008 06:13:00 PST

Real men do yoga

And people lets not get this shit twisted. Yoga is not for the faint of heart. Its a tough fact to admit, but yoga is actually one of the hardest things I’ve done in a while. And trust me when I...
Posted by El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey on Fri, 28 Mar 2008 03:43:00 PST

Scar tissue

Scar tissue is nothing more than life’s odd little way of reminding us that at a given point in time in our lives, we experienced pain. The more scars or the bigger the scar, usually means&...
Posted by El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey on Wed, 19 Mar 2008 07:50:00 PST

Whats in an alias

Who Am I??????? El Dierte’ - is the alias of "Black Mike" Black Mike  - is the alias of "The Ol’ Dirty Ninja" Ol Dirty Ninja - is the alias of "The 800 lb Primate Ninja" 800 lb P...
Posted by El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey on Sun, 16 Mar 2008 05:15:00 PST

Judo-know-me

Heading to the 2008 Arizona State Judo Tournament today to go compete. Wish me luck.
Posted by El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey on Fri, 07 Mar 2008 11:59:00 PST

The mid-day traffic update

Here's Black Mike with the mid-day traffic update: For all of those Tucsonian's that didn't get the effin memo, THE LEFT LANE IS FOR PASSING AND DRINGING FAST!!!!!!!! I don't know who in the hell told...
Posted by El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey on Wed, 20 Feb 2008 01:37:00 PST

Random wisdom

The world's greatest advise. A little bit of wisdom brought to you by Confuscious, Dave Chappell, Eazy-E, Common, and Ol' Dirty Bastard ..... Presented to you by Black Mike "the Ol' Dirty Ninja".....E...
Posted by El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey on Sat, 02 Feb 2008 12:20:00 PST

randomness

I don't know why, but for some reason, I had this urge to go somewhere new, get on a bus or something or stand in line at a store and start talking to random ass strangers about random ass s...
Posted by El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey on Sun, 20 Jan 2008 02:11:00 PST

Dec 8 - Cage Supremacy fight

I will be fighting Alexis Ramirez in 165 lb catch weight undercard bout. DONT MISS OUR NEXT EVENT!!! SATURDAY DECEMBER 8TH--TUCSON EXPO CENTEREXTREME SPORTS EXPO AND CAGE FIGHTING!!EXPO WILL BEGIN AT...
Posted by El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey on Mon, 05 Nov 2007 04:56:00 PST

Man vs. Wild

I opened up my garage to take out the trash this morning and saw the biggest damn black widow spider I've ever seen. That mutherfucker tried to eat me. I dashed in the house like a bolt of lightning a...
Posted by El Dierte' a.k.a - War Monkey on Mon, 13 Aug 2007 03:04:00 PST