Kayla Fentopotamus profile picture

Kayla Fentopotamus

fentopotamus

About Me

I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row. I knit hammocks.I impress men with my sensuous and god-like violin playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured Toronto with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dik, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Ireland, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only perogies a casserole dish, cheese, and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan,cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.I have Hal Johnson and Joanne McLeod locked up in my basement. You're welcome. I hate pennies, carnies, and the wind. I have a dream of owning some form of squirrel / rabbit combination. I shall call him Squabbit and teach him to hunt carnies. I also dream of owning a gourmet pickle shop. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can see through my ears. I'm kind of a big deal. People know me.But I have not yet learned how to be interesting.

My Interests

Rugby!(United!! or Douglas Royals?!)!! Hiking, Baseball Snowboarding (Mostly at MT Baker) Tennis Rollerblading the sea wall Camping Music Travelling New Things Fireworks, Basically Anything That Involves being outdoors, , music, . Driving, dancing (even tho i suck at it)Playing in Two feet Of Mud At Best Field then Being Hosed Down

I'd like to meet:

John Fruciante..

Music:

I love it all. Anything I can get. I am partial to the red hot chili peppers. Music is so important, take it in anyway you can, hear it, feel it, touch it, make it.

Movies:

Good Ones Preferably, Garden State, Donnie Darko, Anchorman, Monty Python

Television:

Late Night Infomercials! I will own the Magic Bullet!! (Salsa! in one, two, three taps!!!) Harvey Birdman Attorney At Law Aqua Teen Hunger Force The Office Arrested Development Robot Chicken

Books:

American Gods - Neil Gaiman best book of the semester.

Heroes:

Murphy and Natty B. My fave rugby Girls aka Oprah And her Best friend Gayle, Made me Stronger, faster, Better Looking :P

My Blog

Football

I've been trying to understand men by watching Football, and I noticed that they treat the football very much like a woman. They hold on to it, they take it places and never let it out of their sight....
Posted by Kayla Fentopotamus on Thu, 05 Apr 2007 10:39:00 PST

The Clit

Did you know that there are countries in the world where it's custom for the men there the cut of a womens clitoris? This is true and very gruesome. And I think we should all be happy that this will n...
Posted by Kayla Fentopotamus on Mon, 05 Mar 2007 01:11:00 PST

Quote

You may feel alone when you're falling asleepAnd everytime tears roll down your cheeksBut I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meetSomeday you will be loved-Death Cab For Cutie...
Posted by Kayla Fentopotamus on Wed, 28 Feb 2007 10:44:00 PST

go there watch that

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&f riendID=109375652&blogID=228629963&MyToken=4cd80cce- 8b86-4463-8418-e0e4717eed52...
Posted by Kayla Fentopotamus on Mon, 12 Feb 2007 11:01:00 PST

Gay to the power of 10

Who decided to use the word "gay" as a euphemism? It's ok I guess. When I think of my gay friends I think a word like "fabulous" might have been better. Sure would be alot easier to tell your parents,...
Posted by Kayla Fentopotamus on Mon, 05 Feb 2007 09:40:00 PST

my little trip to dunkin donuts today

I went to Dunkin Donuts today and the guy there didn't speak English. Like, no words. And it's like, I'm all for the melting pot theory, but if I lived in Portugal and I worked at Dunkino Donutos, I m...
Posted by Kayla Fentopotamus on Fri, 02 Feb 2007 10:55:00 PST

Boxing

Whenever I watch boxing with my dad, he always says the same thing. "Ten million dollars. For that kinda money, I'd fight him." As if someone is gonna pay $200 a ticket to see a fifty year old securit...
Posted by Kayla Fentopotamus on Wed, 31 Jan 2007 05:28:00 PST

30 reasons Kayla Fenton and Lexy Mckinnon Should start calling it a Night

1. You have absolutely no idea where your friends are.2. You have absolutely no idea where your car is. 3. You've become convinced that dancing with your arms overhead, shaking your ass, and yelling W...
Posted by Kayla Fentopotamus on Wed, 17 Jan 2007 12:34:00 PST

Eggs

When people see things as beautiful, ugliness is created. When people see things as good, evil is created. Being and non-being produce each other. Difficult and easy complement each other. Long and sh...
Posted by Kayla Fentopotamus on Tue, 16 Jan 2007 11:36:00 PST

Fuck Books

You ever talk about a movie with someone who read the book? They're always so condescending, "Ah, the book was much better than the movie." "Oh really? What I enjoyed about the movie? No reading. It o...
Posted by Kayla Fentopotamus on Mon, 15 Jan 2007 10:16:00 PST