Sarah Problem? profile picture

Sarah Problem?

Also, I can kill you with my brain.

About Me

..Hypersensitive to the world around me. Desperately in need of structure. I can't seem to stop adding to or editing this - I find it strangely comforting to define myself. I have very few secrets. I truly believe that I am living an amazing life. I truly believe that Life itself is amazing. I deal in genetics. I thrive in the lab. In my first lab I researched genetic causes for multifactorial diseases, helped build a microarrayer robot, did a whole lot of sequencing, and left there with a share of the copyright on a familial haplotype we discovered that causes dyslexia. After that, I worked in Philly researching the genetic factors involved in cancer susceptibility. I loved this lab. I loved my research, I loved my boss, I loved my coworkers, I loved my boyfriend, I loved the city... but I ended up missing The South more than is healthy or normal so I came home. I briefly tried stem cell research at Vanderbilt but when I got into the lab all I was doing was histology & immunohistochemistry. I just moved for the fourth time in a year - back home to KY - and am looking for temporary, low-key employment while I rehabilitate from several chronic ailments and their corresponding highly addictive medications. I have 2 cats and roughly 30 empty plant pots. Plants don't move well and during the third move I finally decided to just let go. I'll start over again as soon as I'm fairly sure I'll be staying put for a while. Spring will be exciting - that's for sure. I don't party all that often, but when I do - I do it like a fucking champ. I believe in taoism and quantum physics. I have a very sarcastic sense of humor which often gets misinterpreted as hostility. I hate that, because I would never deliberately hurt someone's feelings (unless of course they had PISSED ME THE FUCK OFF.) I derive great pleasure from making people happy (and will actually let them push me pretty far) but I do have a very fine line that when crossed will compel me to retaliate with a vehemence that is often startling to strangers and friends alike. I love people (probably a little too much) but I am definitely a bridge burner. Treat me badly (and fail to apologize) and I am THROUGH. I frequently get called out for being excessively lewd - mostly because I am rather acutely sexually preoccupied. It's a simple fact that this specific topic invades my conscious mind with an absurd level of frequency over the course of any given day. I'm intensely open-minded, liberal in politics, morality, and thought, and have strong socialist leanings. I love nearly everybody and everything. I always speak in superlatives. I overthink, overanalyze, overtalk, and over-share (so I'm kind of chatty.) I don't believe monogamy is a natural human instinct. I am deeply relationship-phobic yet co-dependent. I just don't like to sleep alone. Well that and I also want to get laid regularly. Of all the human emotions, I find melancholy to be the most fascinating. I want to know exactly which part/parts of the brain respond so well to bittersweet emotion and why. Why is it that super saturated intense pain can make you feel so beautiful, wise, and fiercely in love with all that you are now a part of and ever will be - yet we still feel pleasant human emotion just as efficiently and profoundly even despite the undesirable association? (I digress.) I don't smoke tobacco, and am actually incredibly allergic to it. I've always had a problem where people who don't know me well think I'm hitting on them (mostly because I tend to touch whomever I'm speaking with without realizing it, and also because I frequently give compliments whenever they're due.) Up North, though, nobody thought that ("Hell, you're just Southern.") I guess it's not too far from the truth sometimes - get enough alcohol in me and chances are pretty good that I might actually be hitting on you. Just don't expect me to feel that way tomorrow. Or remember it. If I had a superhero power, it would be the ability to make people instantly feel really fucking good about themselves. I despise dishonesty, arrogance, meanness, and any form of shit-talkin'. I have no interest in petty hatreds or snobby bullshit. My favorite color is "sparkly," but if you insist that that's cheating, I'll have to go with teal. I cherish all things lewd, vile, and inappropriate. I am almost overwhelmingly voyeristic. If you're tempted to call me "slutty" please remember I prefer the terms "Tart" and "Trashy." I'm aiming for the perfect mix of Southern White Trash and Manga character. I believe Lee Holloway lurks within me not very deep below the surface. I'm a terrible driver. I don't feel safe behind the wheel of a car and really don't think I ought to be allowed to drive at all. And I have to sleep any time I ride in a car or else I get horribly car sick. The sound of NPR puts me right out, too. (unfortunately) Put me in a car in the passenger seat with NPR on the radio, and it's like there's a slow gas leak dragging me down. I don't/can't/won't cook. I can sing all 50 states in alphabetical order. I love cuddling more than just about anything else in the entire world. I think girls are far more aesthetically appealing than boys (but as far as equipment is concerned - forget it. Boys win hands down.) I'm a sucker for men in glasses. I like to lick things (mostly faces) when I'm drunk. I fucking LOVE a good 80's prom. I once drove (steered) the Staten Island Ferry. I also kissed David Cross. And as long as I live I will forever mourn the premature loss of Mitch Hedberg. May your soul rest in peace my friend - or travel the world extravagantly.

My Interests

Raucous Merriment; my digital camera; sunlight; walking; dancing; thick, warm, tall socks; World of Warcraft; pyjamas; unicorns (there's a good reason for that one, I promise;) Life and all living things; Older Southern ladies who call me "Baby"; sewing; crocheting; origami; macrame; cleaning the house; making stuff; growing things; dice, card, and board games; crosswords; sudoku; woodworking (in theory); cinnamon; peanut butter and honey sandwiches; science; the universe; the way things work; the biological and neurological bases behind human thought, behavior, emotion, and sexuality; making lists; making out; vivid colors; fetish pictures; Dare Wright; intoxicating sexual attraction; that southern "Fuck Yeah!" mentality; men with redneck accents, drunken slapfights (the fun kind); indecent behavior; cussing; boys that call each other bitches; the word "ass" (and lately I've really been diggin' "full-on")

I'd like to meet:

Riff-raff. Uncouth, nonjudgemental, fun, trashy people who spend most of their time sitting at home playing board games and drawing eyes on the furniture. Nobody who takes themselves or anyone else too seriously. I don't get along with people who are difficult to get close to - they confuse (and kind of annoy) me. One can never know enough cute girls. Anyone who can tell me something I've never heard before. Anyone who can arrange for me to do something I've never done before. People in my field. People who can teach me how to do or make things. Anyone who can teach me how not to kill myself using a table saw. Nonsmokers. Creative geniuses with few regrets or hangups (bastards usually fucking smoke though.) People who will draw on me (markers are the most fun but other media have proven adequate.) Folks who ain't afraid to get a little down and dirty. Billie Piper. Living stereotypes. Carefully designed personas. Boys who sing in falsetto. Anyone who is willing to don truly unseemly attire to pose in my fetish photos. People who feel compelled to take everything that one step too far - they are out there right now making our legends. ("You and I both know, The Doctor is worth the monsters.")
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adopt your own virtual pet!
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adopt your own virtual pet!

Music:

Hans Zimmer's "You're so Cool" makes me feel like an integral part of a massive collective subconsciousness. My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult's "Sexplosion" was always my theme song because it sums up the way I feel about pretty much every single person I meet ("i love to watch the way you walk, i live to hear the words you talk, i'd love to know the things you do when no one's there to spy on you. i want to crawl inside your head to kiss your mind and lips of red. i dig the things you do to me - you've lit the fire to set me free".) 50's hits, The Sound of Music, Carole King's "Really Rosie" and Paul Simon were my bedtime songs. (if I could only listen to one song for the rest of my life, it would be "You, Me and Julio"), LCD Soundsystem, electronica, cheesy house, M.I.A., almost all 80's music, Ween, the Faint, Arling and Cameron, The Pixies, Tom Waits, latin, hip hop, bluegrass, WHITE LION (ooooh, that Lady of the Valley,) Ministry, Devendra Banhart, Radiohead, big band, old jazz, old country, Nina Simone, Nick Cave, My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult, Prince, Blonde Redhead, Le Tigre, Def Leppard, Peaches, Gillian Welch, The Cure (old,) The Chemical Brothers, Peter Gabriel, The Beastie Boys (old,) PJ Harvey, Bjork, New Order, Cake (Yes, it's true. Shut up.) Tool, Tricky, Lamb, Violent Femmes, Chris Isaak, The Church, The Flaming Lips, Talib Kweli, ESG, The Rapture, "The Lonely Goatherd," various songs sang by various cartoon characters in various movies, lots of things sang to me by my mother when I was little, The Mars Volta, Postal Service, Fischerspooner, Nouvelle Vague, Moving Units, Zoot Woman, Venus Hum, Miss Ms. Ruby, Carey Kotsionis, Lylas, The Mattoid, On Command! All my favorite musics lives in Nashville.

Movies:

Donnie Darko, Secretary, Pi, Y Tu Mama Tambien, The Princess Bride. Violent movies make me cry - feel free to warn me whenever you see one that you think I ought not to watch. (Much obliged.) Two of my favorite movie scenes that I frequently find myself thinking back around to: "The Rules of Attraction" when Paul and "Dick" are jumping around on the hotel bed, rockin' out to "Faith" (George Michael,) while their mothers are downstairs in the restaurant drinking and popping pills. AND "Secretary" when she climbs up on the chair to put the rat trap behind it and her boss sees the cuts on her thigh -- just above her knee socks -- and then she sees him seeing her and drops the trap. HOTTT.

Television:

Lost, Scrubs, CSI, The Daily Show, The Colbert Report, Dr. Who, That 70's Show, Reno 911, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, forensic science shows, So You Think You Can Dance.

Books:

Anything on quantum physics or genetics, Tom Robbins, Lewis Nordan, erotica, Me Talk Pretty One Day, William Gibson, Neil Gaiman, The Bombshell Manual of Style. I'm addicted to reference books and nonfiction. I can't stop buying them. Here's a list of all the stuff I got at Border's the time I accidentally spent $350: "The Germfreak's Guide to Outwitting Colds and flu"; "Secrets of Reflexology"; "Fun and Funky Crochet"; "Felted Crochet"; "The Ultimate Visual Dictionary of Science" (Hardcover); A turquoise, faux-croc journal with silver gilding around all the page edges and a ribbon to hold your place; "How to Prepare for the GRE 2006"; "GRE Biology Subject Test 5"; "More Simply Pilates" Book and DVD; "In Style - Getting Gorgeous"; "Word Smart for the GRE"; "The Practical Woodworker"; "Crochet from the Heart"; "The Stripper's Guide to Looking Great Naked"; and these fucking GORGEOUS Gustaz Klimt Tarot cards. I had always been a staunchly Rider-Waite gal because my dad gave them to me, but these were too awesome to be without. And since I couldn't really use my old, dogeared book with the new cards I got "The Big Little Book of Tarot: The Only Book You'll Ever Need"; AND I found this fucking amazing book by Tortora Grabowski - "Principles of Anatomy and Physiology" which is a VERY nicely hard bound, 1,000 page plus tome with gorgeous anatomical diagrams and photos. Finally, I bought the new chemical brothers CD, a book mark, and a clip light.

Heroes:

My mother, my sister, (maybe not quite a 'hero' but I strongly relate to) JD from Scrubs, Alabama Worley, Marge Simpson, Dave Attell, tarts and floozies, burlesque dancers, Mike Raber. (this list was much longer until i realized it would have to be infinite if i was going to go there)

My Blog

I totally don't look like these people.

...
Posted by Sarah Problem? on Thu, 24 May 2007 08:16:00 PST

It's been a good day.

I honestly cannot remember the last time I felt this healthy. No chemicals, good food, fun work, and stimulating company. Recentering. Reconnecting. Refocusing. I'm going to bed now because I'm tired ...
Posted by Sarah Problem? on Mon, 07 May 2007 11:22:00 PST

Senator Forms Subcommittee For The Watching Of Lost

WASHINGTON, DCSen. Bill Nelson (D-FL) announced the formation of a new Senate subcommittee for the Watching of Lost and appointed himself its chair Monday. "This subcommittee's mission is to promote...
Posted by Sarah Problem? on Thu, 05 Apr 2007 08:12:00 PST

Ain't nothin' I need that I ain't already got.

Well the moon is broken And the sky is cracked Come on up to the house The only things that you can see Is all that you lack Come on up to the house All your cryin don't do no good Come on up to the ...
Posted by Sarah Problem? on Wed, 04 Apr 2007 02:07:00 PST

Mad Props!

To my darling sister who, after trying for three years while suffering through painful endometriosis, has just found out she is finally preggers. In your face, Endometriosis!! My precious nephew will ...
Posted by Sarah Problem? on Mon, 05 Feb 2007 06:31:00 PST

Happy.

I recently received an e-mail that reminded me of something that I have thought, spoken, and written about quite frequently before. It is my unfortunate habit of posting in my blog only when I'm upset...
Posted by Sarah Problem? on Sun, 21 Jan 2007 03:55:00 PST

New Phone & Number. Oh, and address.

Yep. So if you've got my number and still want to be able to contact me, respond and I'll send you the new # as well as my new (est) address. Word....
Posted by Sarah Problem? on Thu, 11 Jan 2007 12:36:00 PST

Literally.

It may just be my imagination/paranoia, but nevertheless I feel that I have a whole fuckton of a lot going on right now, so I'll make this brief. Most of you noticed (and pointed out. a lot.) that I w...
Posted by Sarah Problem? on Wed, 20 Dec 2006 09:12:00 PST

Sick.

So sick. Shitty. Dying.Gasp.
Posted by Sarah Problem? on Sat, 16 Dec 2006 05:59:00 PST

My birthday:

I apologize most sincerely to everyone who may have called, texted, left a voicemail, e-mailed or tried to IM me today asking about my birthday plans. The thing is, I've been really sick all day (well...
Posted by Sarah Problem? on Sun, 05 Nov 2006 12:56:00 PST