Rev. Possum Jenkins - ProfilesArchive

About Me

+ I am a respectable man of God. God speaks to me and through me. God is in me. He first came to me when I was but a young child. He told me how to get to the last level of Donkey Kong. It was by the will and grace of God that I defeated that fuckin monkey. Now he talks to me all the time. He tells me how to deal with the sinners of the world, and how to spot Satan and thwart his evil plans. +
+ With my God at my side, I became a minister. I am a registered minister of The Universal Life Church . This is not just some fly by night church. Hell no, it's the ultimate church. It's a daunting and arduous task to become an ordained minister of The Universal Life Church . Not everybody gets through. But, I had God at my side. It was by his will that I got through it all. +
+ Because I worked so hard to become a minister of God, I just don't give out blessings all willy nilly and shit. Hell no, I will bless you when I damn well feel like it, when it's convenient for me, not you. I may even bless you when you least expect it, for instance when you're doing the laundry or raking the leaves. I may even bless you when you're combing you hair. You just don't know. +
+ One of the tasks that I as a minister hold most sacred is administering a marriage. Yeah, I do weddings. I do all kinds of weddings. I'm not a Catholic priest, but I can do Catholic weddings better. Instead of passing off some tasteless wafers as the body of Christ, I offer cupcakes, and chocolate chip cookies. If I really like you, I'll hand out porkchops. Instead of serving you cheap ass wine diluted with tap water as the blood of Christ, I'll serve your lucky asses Vodka Martinis. That's Ciroc Vodka Martinis, not some cheap ass Smirnoff shit. I only serve the best. +
+ For all of you sinners out there who feel that they've fallen from the grace of God, I'm here for you too. I am here to help you. I will beat the Satan and the sin out of you. I will help you see the Lord God, and you will testify to his will and greatness. Testify I said, TESTIFY! Follow my lead to the path of the righteous! So sayeth the shepherd, so sayeth the flock! +

My Interests

I'd like to meet:

My Gardener Sergio Herrera
Not only does Sergio and his crew cut the lawn and prune the hedges. They serenade your whole household while they do it too. They also know how to make beer.

Click Here for My Gardener

Music:

Music Should Be Banned! It's the Devils Nectar of Sin!

Movies:

The Ten Commandments (So let it be written, so let it be done), and anything and everything Mel Gibson.

Television:

TBN Muthafuckers!

Books:

The Bible. (No really, I read it once)

Heroes:

Click Here for the Art of Chuck Hodi He was a co-worker of mine at The Coffee Bazaar.

My Blog

Last night, I had a dream.

No, it wasn't about Martin Luther King. It was about my fiancé taking me to a "New Age" type of work out. It involved performing yoga and breathing to the rhythm of string instruments.&nbs...
Posted by Rev. Possum Jenkins on Thu, 30 Aug 2007 07:34:00 PST

The Police at Dodger Stadium

So last Saturday night was incredible. I saw The Police at Dodger Stadium. Even though the acoustics at Dodger Stadium flat out suck, The Police sounded amazing. Maybe it was their expert musicians...
Posted by Rev. Possum Jenkins on Tue, 26 Jun 2007 10:37:00 PST

Sunday Fundays&a wasted time

Back when I was in my early 20s, I used to do a lot of things that really didn't amount to anything. Aside from working and going to school, I filled my free time with drinking and lying around,...
Posted by Rev. Possum Jenkins on Tue, 05 Jun 2007 10:16:00 PST

The George W. Profile...Good Bye.

I must say, the loss of the George W. profile depresses me. I kind of did expect it to happen eventually, so it didn't surprise me. That being said, it was truly a piece of me, because it ...
Posted by Rev. Possum Jenkins on Sat, 17 Feb 2007 10:56:00 PST

Thanks Chris

Chris Heyman: 11/06/86 to 01/18/04It's been three years since my cousin's son Chris was brutally murdered. It's definitely a dark day in our family's history. What's worse is that it's a day before my...
Posted by Rev. Possum Jenkins on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 11:29:00 PST

Donnie Davis Sr. (Donnie Davis's Dad)

I wrote this a couple of years ago. It was going to be a profile dedicated to my friend Donnie Davis's dad. The problem was that we couldn't get a good picture of his dad. Donnie would hide out at his...
Posted by Rev. Possum Jenkins on Mon, 13 Nov 2006 10:15:00 PST

Yay, for Tower Records.

I know this maybe a little bit unpopular to say, but go figure Tower Records went out of business. They may blame illegal downloads, but that's a bunch of bullshit. There are two main reas...
Posted by Rev. Possum Jenkins on Sat, 14 Oct 2006 07:45:00 PST

This is a little history about Dave WB and me.

This is a little history about Dave WB and me.David Mesic and I grew up together on the same street. I can't think of a memory before I met David Mesic, and the same goes for him. Aside from growing u...
Posted by Rev. Possum Jenkins on Wed, 02 Aug 2006 11:57:00 PST

Women Are Psycho.

While getting waxed today, I came to the conclusion that women are psycho. The pain of being waxed puts me in a bit of a paradox because of the metro sexual stigma attached to it. ...
Posted by Rev. Possum Jenkins on Sat, 23 Sep 2006 02:14:00 PST

A Brazilian on the 4th sounded like a good idea.

Getting a Brazilian wax job from my girlfriend on the 4th of July, who is a licensed esthetician, was not one of the best ideas I've ever had. Thank God, she didn't go all the way with it. ...
Posted by Rev. Possum Jenkins on Wed, 05 Jul 2006 01:30:00 PST