...and now, for our featured presentation...I'm a writer; from beautiful lies to ugly truths. my laughter embodies my undying youth. putting potential to use; my actions are proof. i'd like to punch out the easter bunny's tooth....there, that was my haiku.Welcome to Ay Dios Mio land (it's like an NC-17 Disneyland)...parental discretion advised.I write sketch comedy, philosophical fiction, "please baby, please take me back" letters to exes, occasional ransom notes, two death threats to former employers (pasted cut-out magazine letters) and one suicide note that I never finished because Sportscenter came on.For fun I like to torture domesticated pets, deflower virgins and import nuclear warheads...all on the same night preferably. Ebay ain't got %#&@$! on the black market.I like to listen to classical and bossa nova music. It makes me feel like I'm in a posh penthouse overlooking the city, while thinking "You all are beneath me" because, well...literally you would be.I rarely get depressed, but when I do, I just pop in some porn and I know that everything is going to be A-OK.During my down time, I like to shoplift at Barnes & Nizzobles. I believe in higher learning, just not @ higher prices. As a wise elf once told me, "..there are two things in this world that a man should never pay for...those being p***y and books."...words to live by. Eat your heart out Confucius.I used to sniff rubber cement as a recreational drug for a quick high (that may explain the elf), but now I just turn the oven on while leaving it's door open and let the carbon monoxide do its thing. I pass out from time to time, but as long as I regain consciousness to do it all over again is all that matters. And since I don't pay the gas bill, it's a free high.I'm not on this site to try and hump you..As a child I loved watching G.I. Joe, and if there's anything that watching G.I. Joe has taught me, it's that 'fighting for peace' is an oxymoron worth living. Bring it b*tch.I may be clinically bi-polar but I'm not going to pay to find out.I am a grammar Nazi...but sometimes I feel like proper grammar is propaganda, so I say 'sh*t', 'f*ck', 'b*tch' & 'c*nt' to feel like a rebel.I have OCD.I have chinky eyes and I'm not high or smiling.I taint sentimental moments w/perverse behavior because being mushy makes me feel gay, and quite frankly...being gay is a sin; it's equivalent to murder. Shepherds that have had sex with their sheep are more morally fit to monitor your kids.And since I was born in sin (the good book tells me so), I like to pretend that I'm gay and befriend girls. There are all sorts of benefits to not appearing as a 'threat'. Of course they'll talk your ear off, but being allowed to watch them get dressed as they do it neutralizes the pain. And then I let them take the credit of turning me straight after one of those wild 'experimental' drunken nights; it does wonders for their ego. =)If you'd like think that I do and believe all of the above, it's a crying shame that you believe me but don't believe in yourself. Shame on you.I'm mainly on this site to network. I don't mind a bit of chit-chat here and there. If you'd like to pigeon-hole my personality due to what you've read above, feel free. I knew the ramifications of posting such asinine material as the complete stranger's guide to my first impression. So if I've chased away some profound, omniscient, potential new friend, I only have myself to blame. BUT! Since I'm here to network, I guess that doesn't matter. I'll catch you in the real (natural) world...at Barnes & Nobles...where people really don't talk to each other, so we probably wouldn't meet there either...just see each other and fake smile.P.S. Life is all about vibrations, and if you're on a negative frequency, I'll just tune you out...unless you're hot...because hot girls don't need personalities, which is why many don't have one. That was a joke by the way. My mom is hot and...wait...not like that. What I meant to say was...I mean...aaaah! Curse you Sigmund Freud. The End.
