You Ain't Fly profile picture

You Ain't Fly

at midnight, all the agents, and the superhuman crew, come out and round up everyone, who knows more

About Me

I'm halfway to cancer, three quarters of the way to liver failure. I most likely dislike you and hate nearly all this world has to offer. That's my steez. That's what I do. I'm a hater. A basher. A pessimist. That drunk guy with the slanted eyes who's gonna fuck up the party for everybody else. Anyhows, I wanna fine a nice sweet girl and have 9 kids in the next three years so that I can fulfill my destiny of dying at the age of 33, just like good ole' Jesus Christ.

My Interests

I'm interested in stomping the earth. In smoking newports in non-smoking areas and drinking belgian ales and imperial stouts. In watching time cycles repeat themselves and seeing media outlets pump children full of shitty music. I wanna smoke bud in amsterdam and find a way to have the system take care of me so that I don't have to work. I wanna scratch, paint,write and scrawl my name everywhere that you say I can't. I wanna set shit on fire and howl in the night. And go gambling and drinking and spinning my pistols in crowded saloons.

I'd like to meet:

strippers with daddy issues and fat bank accounts, smokers, drinkers, artists, old timers with world war two stories, homeless lunatics willing to perform for the camera, mentally retarded midgets, alcoholics with napoleon complexes, crooked pharmacists, chicks who cook topless, a west coast dutch master connect.

Music:

I like music...I enjoy stealing it the most. Paying for music is for suckers. Anybody that decides to be a musician should be fully prepared to suffer and starve for their art. I'm here to make sure that both happen. A starving artist is a productive one. Nobody that produces art should ever be concerned about making dollar one. If you put out a good album I guarantee that i will support you by stealing it and playing it over and over again.

Movies:

Boondock Saints, Tombstone, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Clockwork Orange, Casino, Fight Club, Devil's Advocate, Grandma's Boy, Requiem for a Dream, Taxi Driver, Pulp Fiction, The Big Lebowski, Scent of a Woman (you ever watch it on weeeed?) Lord of the Rings Trilogy, O' Brother Where Art Thou', Ghost World, Goodfellas, Carlito's Way, The Godfathers, The Truman Show, Raging Bull, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Where the Buffalo Roam, True Romance, The Blues Brothers, Half Baked, Harold and Kumar, Gangs of New York, City of God, Resevoir Dogs, Mallrats, Clerks, Rounders, The Goonies, Freddy Got Fingered, Usual Suspects, Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, Shakes the Clown, The Green Mile, Sin City, Freaks, Forrest Gump, Kill Bill (the first one only! the second part was a snooze fest)

Television:

Television pretty much stinks nowadays. When I was young I thought TV was the greatest thing in the world. I couldn't understand why old folks called it the boob tube or the idiot box. Now I support their sentiments one hundred percent. I don't really watch much current programming. Reality telivision is a bunch of crapola. MTV is the voice of the devil. The Sopranos sucks ass. James Gandolfini is a fat pig and a shitty B movie actor. The only shows I will give my stamp of approval to are Trailer Park Boys, Deadwood and The Cartoon Network's Adult Swim lineup.

Books:

fear and loathing etcetera, hells angels, The Godfather, Tolkien stuff, All the Harry Potters, The Watchmen, Tons of Frank Miller stuff from back in the day, The Rum Diaries, Assorted trashy biography books written about people like Hunter, Frank Sinatra, Billy Martin and Jack Nicholson. You gotta love celebrity expose books filled with false claims and rumors.

Heroes:

Hunter S. Thompson, Johnny Cash, Bernard Getz, Killface, Connor MacManus, Murphy MacManus, David Della 'Funny Man' Rocco, Yucko the Clown, Bubbles, Ricky, Julius, Marv from Sin City, Ice Cube, before he started making shitty movies and shittier music, Bender Bending Rodriguez, Dr. Gonzo aka "The Brown Buffallo", Jules Winnfield, Master Shake, Junkyard Willie, Archie Bunker, Wolverine, Jimmy Conway, Lucky Luciano, Nicky Santoro, Benny Hill, Charlie Manson, Carl Brutananadilewski, Ignignokt, Err, Myself, Wilson Fisk, Bob Dylan, Bill 'The Butcher' Cutting, John Lennon, George Carlin, Travis Bickle, Mikhail Kalashnikov, BrickTop, Bobby Fischer, Musacha, Kissel, JimBob, Dock Ellis and a bunch of other lunatics and wierdos I'm too stoned to recognize at this moment....check back for updates asswipe

My Blog

happy fathers day?

so for the last two weeks I spent the majority of my spare time painting a picture for the old man.  I surprised him with it this morning.  He looked at it and said "down here at the bottom ...
Posted by You Ain't Fly on Sun, 17 Jun 2007 07:27:00 PST

some customers complaint a.k.a. my newest prized posssesion

below is the unedited exact text of some customers complaint filed against yours truly."one of the worker at frame dept. was doing his job very rough rude. he made couple frames broken. he bumped b...
Posted by You Ain't Fly on Sun, 10 Dec 2006 08:10:00 PST

IMPENDING DOOM!!!


Posted by You Ain't Fly on Wed, 29 Nov 2006 03:23:00 PST

super new shit...

...
Posted by You Ain't Fly on Mon, 27 Nov 2006 01:50:00 PST

NEW, NEW and kinda NEW shit...

Handmade Sticker...
Posted by You Ain't Fly on Sun, 19 Nov 2006 08:35:00 PST

Thanking the Troops...

I know I'm a sarcastic, pessimistic prick who doesn't seem to care. But in all seriousness I'd like to take this time out to remember all the brave souls who've defended our freedoms against COBRA, a...
Posted by You Ain't Fly on Thu, 16 Nov 2006 10:22:00 PST

twenty million reasons the Yankees suck

A-Fraud must go. his line for these playoffs? 1 for 17 with no RBIs for the second straight year. Since coming to the Yankees, during the playoffs he has gone 4-for-41 with a .098 batting average...
Posted by You Ain't Fly on Sun, 08 Oct 2006 11:47:00 PST

The Ballad of Hank McCain

an excerpt from the forthcoming novel "The Ballad of Hank McCain" "somewhere along the lines, he took control of his own destiny and quickly set about steering the train off it's haphazzardly construc...
Posted by You Ain't Fly on Wed, 27 Sep 2006 02:55:00 PST

A-Rod is a punk ass bitch

Alex Rodriguez is a piece of shit. He had done nothing since joining the yankees. he hasn't earned one single pinstripe. He'll never be the WINNER that derek jeter is. Whenever the game is on the ...
Posted by You Ain't Fly on Fri, 22 Sep 2006 11:04:00 PST

pretty cool guy, for a red-sock anyhow...

Bill "The Spaceman" Lee.....even tho' he played for the red sox, I give this guy his due. He's an old school purist who thinks we should do away with domed stadiums and artificial turf. He once ran ...
Posted by You Ain't Fly on Wed, 12 Jul 2006 12:32:00 PST