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+i am...+
...an artist. i am very passionate about most of the important things in my life. hah, just because i call myself an artist doesn't mean i'm any good.. but it seems like there are never enough ways and mediums to get everything i want to say out.
i love writing, i love singing. i am always in that struggle to write the perfect song that sums up my emotions perfectly. i love photography, drawing, and painting. i am at school for graphic design and illustration.. i love it. i love a lot of things...
i'm passionate. i can't help it, but it seems like i grow infatuated, or obsessed with those that have a significant impact on my life.. i am obsessed with the vancouver canucks. haha, since 1992! i also remember dates of very little importance for anyone who isn't me. dates like December 7th 1991 when my cat bob was hit by a car and died. days like that.
yeah, im passionate. i strive for the best for myself. i accept nothing less.. although, this often leads me to be depressed most of the time because i tend to be harder on myself than i should. most of what i write and paint and create i believe to be complete nonsense. even as i write this i don't think i'm fully capturing everything that i want to say...
i love my friends, but i never seem to be able to keep them for very long.. i don't know why. i've always been kind of a social outcast. haha maybe i suppose i might care too much sometimes. especially when i let those few to touch my heart, haha, the few that really make in impact on my life, it seems i never want to let go of, yet they always seem to leave anyway. i get hurt easily. i must be fragile or something... it seems like i sometimes need others to pick me up and make me feel good about myself... again, or something. i don't hold grudges, but i can never bring myself to fully forgive somebody after that person has hurt me..
i never really feel like i belong. from the moment my family moved to canada i have felt like an outcast. I hated talking because i was ridiculed for how my voice sounded. when i went back to england in 1997, expecting to feel like i was "home" everywhere i went people thought i was american.. this for someone who by north american standards still had an english accent.. it seems like i have tried my entire life here trying my hardest to be part of something. and it seems just when i have some success, something is there to push me back. i am not a quitter, hah, i know how lame that sounds. but i don't give up. i am stubborn.. i will always try as long as there is reason to.
i hate losing people. i love meeting people. i love chaos, as long as there is some stability.. yeah. that's about all i can think of right now...
i wrote that three years ago, almost to the day. it's crazy to read now.. how similar to that person i am. I dont think i have as many personality struggles and issues that i used to have. But i don't think i've solved them all yet either. I feel like a completely different person from that, but a lot of the passionate parts are the same. it's kind of weird.
i dyed my hair again on monday night, it's neopolitan coloured now!!
this is my town...
i ♥ vancouver.
let's watch buffy.
i like to paint, people
i love my cheetah
