tallulah - ProfilesArchive

About Me

The merest whiff of a pint of mild and I'm singing show tunes to a fantasy audience of sailors and showgirls, who are all clapping enthusiastically and wishing they were me. I place more emphasis on volume than singing talent but my fantasy audience don't mind. My real life audience (everyone else in the pub) tends to be considerably less impressed.

Things I heart: my boyfriend, my friends, gardening, Trevor The Get Well Cat, Mr Tom, Grazia magazine, brass bands, northern values, posh cosmetics, singing duets with Ant in his car, fish & chips and Cherry Garcia frozen yoghurt (not together. although...)

I do have brains but I choose not to use them most of the time. I used to be unbeatable at Playstation Singstar until that goddam Lucy started beating me, but she practises on her own so she doesn't count really. I drop things and trip over a lot. I never admit to being wrong.

I'm a bit of a twat, to be honest.

My Interests

Like any sane and normal female I have considerably more pairs of shoes than electronic gadgets. I'm an artist (see pics for examples), and I write stories. Would you like to read some? click here for my stories.

I make pancakes. I like the English seaside. I drink too much.

Finally, fart jokes. Don't try and tell me they're not funny, because they are. Fact.

I'd like to meet:

Randy Jackson and Kirsty Allsop. I'll sit in the middle if you don't mind.

Who I wouldn't like to meet:
Your band. I'm sorry but I have NO interest in going to your page and checking out your songs so please spare me from an email asking me to. Just don't bother, please FOR THE LOVE OF GOD don't bother.

Who I wouldn't like to meet 2:
Apostrophe retard's

And finally:
Well of course it's not my real name. I'm from Cleethorpes!

Music:

Creaky old rock'n'roll with twangy guitars. Preferably on crackly vinyl.

Movies:

The Umbrellas of Cherbourg, Brief Encounter, Bonnie and Clyde, Napolean Dynamite, Pretty in Pink, The Purple Rose of Cairo, Under the Skin, Anchorman, Zoolander, Pennies from Heaven, Dude, Where's My Car? Wayne's World, plus all musicals, ever. Oh, and Legally Blonde.

Television:

Anything that allows me to cruelly mock unfortunates from the safety of my sofa. Anything that allows me to play the "who's your boyfriend?" game. Anything involving crying fatsos and teenage chavs.

Books:

uh.....

Heroes:

Ant and Lucy. They are the wiiiind beneath my (bingo) wiiiings. Actually someone once told me I look like Bette Midler. When I acted affronted, he had the gall to say "what?? it was a compliment!!"I ask you. And don't tell me the 'heroes' section is no place for a lookie-likie anecdote. it's MY page and I'll do what i want!

And thinking about it in human terms, the wind beneath a person's wings is in fact the air you use to do a comedy armpit fart. Isn't it? So in fact, what Bette was saying to her beloved was "You Give Me The Power To Do An Armpit Fart". Which in my opinion is a far greater accolade and I would even venture to say, that if Bette had just been honest about her feelings in Beaches and told the other chick that because of her she could pit-fart, the other chick probably wouldn't have died. It's just a thought I'm putting on the table, folks. Just a thought.

My Blog

I expected more from you, Avril

Emo Pop Chick Turns Bad Well, I'm shocked and disappointed. I'm shocked and disappointed in that little minx, Avril Lavigne. I saw the video for the aforementioned song I like while I was in the gym....
Posted by tallulah on Thu, 05 Jul 2007 09:00:00 PST

Only when I laugh. Unlikely.

The Royal London Hospital is such an armpit. I know everyone complains about the NHS, let's face it, it's a national sport, but please. It appears that there is no money to mend things, employ staff ...
Posted by tallulah on Fri, 29 Jun 2007 08:34:00 PST

Give it a few years and it will be ironic

So you hear a song on the radio a few times, yeah? And you're like, "ooooo, i like this little pop song!!" but you never catch who the artist is. And every time you hear it, you like it more and more...
Posted by tallulah on Wed, 30 May 2007 06:45:00 PST

Ask your dad

Baby brain It's a bit premature, but I must admit, i do worry about how on earth I will be able to answer the intelligent questions of any small people that may come my way in the future. The thing i...
Posted by tallulah on Tue, 15 May 2007 05:44:00 PST

Am I...

...the only person in London who isn't jacking it about the Prince gigs? Someone join me in my lack of interest, please!
Posted by tallulah on Fri, 11 May 2007 04:07:00 PST

If you want to get ahead, get an affliction

It's nice to see that American Idol is now governed by the same rule as UK TV talent shows. By which I mean, your best chance of success is to eke out the sympathy vote by having something about you t...
Posted by tallulah on Sat, 24 Mar 2007 04:54:00 PST

This is not just a blog

I remember when I was younger and skinter, marvelling at the fact that people did their grocery shopping in M&S. I would pop in for the cheapest sandwich available (egg and cress) and there would...
Posted by tallulah on Tue, 13 Feb 2007 07:45:00 PST

Paso doble on the left hand side

Category 'blogging'?? Surely....oh, never mind. So I guess I'd better start by saying that the title of this blog bears no relation to its content, i just wanted to say it.So, as the lovely Lindsey qu...
Posted by tallulah on Sun, 04 Feb 2007 05:32:00 PST

Seasonal Sandwiches

Aaah, a new season is upon us. The shops are starting to play Christmas tunes (it's never too early if you ask me), the lights are up in the high street. I've already planned my Christmas menu AND wh...
Posted by tallulah on Mon, 27 Nov 2006 07:10:00 PST

Blog Off

So, I've been on Myspace for nearly a year now (pauses for whooping) but I don't seem to have written as many blogs as I thought i might. In an attempt to address this poor bloggage, I shall recount a...
Posted by tallulah on Mon, 25 Sep 2006 03:40:00 PST