Nessy profile picture

Nessy

you mean the feminine hygiene spray?

About Me


I am the loch ness monster.My gaelic name is Niseag. my scientific name is Nessiteras rhomboptery( a name used to designate my diamond shaped fins). I am one of the best-known mysteries in the world. i am a big deal. while most mainstream scientists, and other experts find current evidence supporting me unpersuasive and regard photos and reports as hoaxes or misidentification of mundane creatures, the true children of the earth know better.
i have a small head and stretched neck which allows me to sneak up and lunge at prey before my ferociously sexy full self scares them off.In the event of an attack my neck ribs flare outward , allowing me to swallow the pressure waves created in the water of my shallow-sea habitat. These waves would otherwise alert the prey of my approaching feast and their impending doom. one of many adaptations in the arsenal of my finely evolved matrix.
Some have suggested that that I am this world's largest kelpie, a shape changing water creature. and that I take the form of a sea serpent most of the time, but take the form of an otter when Muggles are looking for me. Partly true, yet i am also an interdimensional being, a peaceful underwater ally, lover of pacman and all around amazing lover.
i have ancestors that have thrived in the lake of loch ness going as far back as the plesiosaur era. my first sighting was documented by St. Columba, the Irish monk who converted most of Scotland to Christianity in the 6th century. It is claimed that Columba apparently converted me, too; it is said that until he went out on the waters and soothed "the beast"( as he so rudely referred to me) I had been a murderess. this account is of course utter B.S. I'm more into bottom dwelling plankton and/ or the occasional sheep or house cat from the sorrounding area. sir columba is gay!
people have witnessed and documented me on many occasions, particularly while i am sunbathing nude or the like. once in 1976, a group of people in a hot air ballon threw a large amount of bacon on the waters of loch ness trying to lure me out from the deep. as if this is a temptation! everyone knows Nessie doesn't dig on swine!
people have been trying to reach me with sonar for many years, but i have evaded them all this time with the greatest of ease. i am a snake in the grass. a lioness ready to pounce. the ever suspecting albatross. An ubiquitous spook. You put gasoline into your automobiles that is comprised of my friends and families. the herbivores are regular unleaded, T-Rex is Premium. all of this pollution gathers in the air and you wonder if the dinosaurs are going to have their day and cause your extinction.
if you dont believe in me you have a horrible case of delusion. i am not some misperception, some pareidolia. if you don't believe in me, or if you are a friend who does not leave comments and kind words, you will contract a severe batch of medieval herpes!
Be Careful What You Wish For
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My Interests



drinking, hott dinsosaur love, sunsets, candy canes, irish car bombs, bling bling, chop suey, shrimp salad, getting my salad tossed, flipper rubs, all of the obscene postures required to read a good book, primordial howls, drunk driving, the beauty in dirt, the first cut with scissors into construction paper, a doodad in a hat, waterskiing, skydiving, water aerobics,avocado trees, lickolotapus, those little umbrellas in drinks, wacky inflatable flailing arm tube men, a pair of shoes on a telephone wire, pacal votan, interconnectedness, dichotomy, chaos, order, poetry, the feel of my feet upon the earth, empathy, liberation, evolution, people who speak in hexograms, sacred architecture, the hallucination of death, the dream of life, truth, cognition and awareness, energy that is oscillating in its highest possible rythm and wavelength of light, sacred geometry, bubble nets, color crayons, bisons, concerts, NINTENDO, box wine, balleen whales( the ones with teeth aren't kind to Nessy), dragons,a colonoscopy, sushi & sashimi, halloween, the declination of the sun and the emotion of the leaves in fall, art that emanates, ebb and flow of heart, synchronicities in bowls of fruit and genitalia, the canines of a wolf, ego oblivion, how the followers of eastern religons regard one another as the deities they are, legend fading to myth- fading to memory- metamorphosing into some freak side show( i am an ancient, omniscient deity people) shopping!!!!OMG

I'd like to meet:

a fellow plesiosar. preferrably one that doesn't smoke and whose mating call is an aphrodisiac. One that doesn't wear cologne as well, i find cologne to smell something akin to an intoxicated orange that rapes the olfactory senses. I enjoy trashy romance novels and covert missions to elude the silly humans. i am hoping for someone that appreciates the same. i also am fond of sunsets, mint schnapps, marco polo, dinosaur porno and lsd. no hippies please.or white rastafarians. i would also like to meet your mother.....once again for like the 50-11th time, we had fund with that scuba gear and duct tape
**************NESSY FAN MAIL*********** hi there. you type pretty well for a plesiosaur. or perhaps you were in otter mode, either way your profile is quite impressive. i find myself wondering which lake locally you are currently residing in. my current guess is lake washington because i think it would be hard for a girl such as yourself to be unnoticed in loch union or loch green. plus, lake washington is the only fresh body of water deep enough to connect to the fabled underground sea of valusia, which connects a good deal of europes and asias deeper lakes together through a series of underwater canals created by an adhoc committe of atlantean and lemurian refugees after they went underground up into the himalayas in a underground city that they established up there. (ok the lemurians were there first but they were kind enough to take in the atlanteans after the fall, but i digress) i did not know that the sea of valusia extended all the way under the atlantic, but as i was not part of the canal development crew i am not overly familiar with its geographic particulars. perhaps that is how you made it all the way here from the pleides. do the nine sisters have any water bearing planets? i seem to remember one or two, but it was a long time ago and my recollections are a bit fuzzy about that. as for me, well, there isn't too much to say, especially to a sophisticated lassie such as yourself. you know the usual...my third dimensional human body masks an interdimensional dragon underneath, but it is a good dragon and not one of these juvenille delinquents that st. george and bilbo ran into. my other body is a dolphin, but is not on this planet. i also have more funk in my little finger then most have had in their previous three incarnations, and the skills to translate that into into sound via a variety of different means. and that is not even the half of it. and i would wager that a plesiosaur (or should we say pleidesaur?) girl such as yourself would have a lot of fun with a boy dragon not unlike myself. any thoughts? as you will... ANONYMOUS

© Falling Dinosaurs Are Hot

Music:

all music is the variation of the one universal vibrational song.



every space you tread
is the grave and residence of another.

Movies:

chunky chicks. movies about me. i have an extensive porn collection. big fan of tantrik pornography

when the moon is full Nessy pounces!!!

Television:

television is electric crack. I stay away. I don't need a dose of your reality, through your human lense. to wander through your vague and image- fed, Harpoon- wielding material dreams- would acknowledge your existence. Profane and fearful.all this being said... i still enjoy an episode or thirty of blind date. roger lodge rules. as does Conan O' Brien. documentaries of me are always fun and arousing.

Books:

i find reading books about mythical creatures such as yettis and Vampires fun! what a crock that is! also anything about santa claus and the easter bunny. any religous books are laughable as well. ALL IS TRUE. IN AN INDEFINABLE UNIVERSE DEFINING IT IS PRESUMPTOUS AND ARROGANT. APPRECIATE YOUR CREATION. ALL IS COMPOSED OF VARYING OSCILLATIONS OF ELECTROMAGNETIC ENERGY, VIBRATION AND WAVENLENGTH OF A MULTI-FACETED AND IMAGINATIVE DREAM. POPE LEO X (the pope who dubbed King Henry the 8th DEfender of tHe Faith ) once said : " this myth of christ has served us well".

Heroes:

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