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LONG ISLAND
You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world,
but you almost never go there.
When you're away from Long Island , you love it
and when you're there, you don't.
You think that if you're not from Long Island or NYC,
you're not really from New York
You know the exact point at which Queens
turns into Nassau simply on intuition.
You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "The City".
You never realize you have an accent till you leave.
Everything north of the Bronx is "upstate."
New Jersey sucks.
At some point in your life you've gone clamming.
Either your parents or your grandparents lived in the city.
You'd pay $11.50 for a movie.
You don't live in Long Island, You live ON Long Island
Your distant future might involve the state of Florida
You can correctly pronounce places like
Ronkonkoma, Hauppauge, Wantagh, Mineola, Islandia, and Massapequa
You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds
and 36 7-11's.
You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica ..."
You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.
No, you don't want mustard on that burger!!
You can't understand why a diner would ever close.
You've had a seagull crap on your car.
You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR
and ended up in one of these three places;
Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville .
You know White Castle is terrible for you
and the food sucks but you periodically "Get the Crave".
You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx ,
but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan
You think that somehow, the Jets and Giants still play in New York
You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn
and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.
You or someone you know has owned an animal
that came from North Shore Animal League.
Quick! Who's your county Executive ? Don't know do you?!
You've never taken an MTA bus.
The Long Island Expressway isn't really as bad as everybody thinks.
You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.
You know which parts of the godfather were filmed on Long Island
You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute
and you enjoy watching it grow up.
Billy Joel said it best,
"either you date a rich girl from The North Shore,
or a cool girl from the South Shore ".
You don't really see the big deal about the Hamptons ,
unless you got smashed at the Bordy Barn.
When people ask "where are you from?"
you answer Long Guy Land and automatically assume everyone in the world knows that answer means New York .
You've always liked Billy Joel and you own several of his "records."
The Belt Parkway sucks! You've been stuck in a traffic jam for more than 2 hours (without moving).
Your parents took you to All American, Nathan's or Carvel
(on the way home from the beach).
Regular gas - $3.29 and you still pay it!!!
You hate paying tolls.
You don't have to go far to see your family.
You remember Grumman.
You know the color of the water at Jones Beach is not BLUE!
You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy's and Arby's closed for good.
You can spout off all the LIRR stops between
Penn Station and Huntington ..
Paying $35 for a haircut doesn't sound so crazy.
You think the people from Brooklyn are
"da wunz dat tawk wit a accent."
You went sledding in the sumps.
You knew of Massapequa before
the Amy Fisher-Joey Buttafuoco nightmare.
You think going to Queens is a hike.
The first time you heard the term " Long Island Iced Tea"
you were somewhere else and you laughed.
When you live somewhere else and are astounded
to see that people actually stop at yellow lights.
When you just sort of presume that wherever you live, you'll be able to find good delis, good pizza, and good bagels.
You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island
When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands... it becomes normal to you.
No word ends in an ER, just an AH.
You actually get these jokes
and pass them on to family and other friends from Long Island!
