Gli

The following is an overview from the recently released "Dissertation on the Upbringing of Eli Kooris" by Eric Von Strassbergen of the Eric Von Strassbergen Institute for the Research and Advancement of Eli Kooris:"On a balmy, late Summer afternoon in a remote part of Southern Uzbekistan--a land known for goats, respect for the simple life and names with oddly placed vowels--Eli Kooris was born. Looking absolutely nothing like his parents, they named him Eli Kooris which, in that remote Southern Uzbekistani dialect, means "worth his weight in rice." Sold for 9 pounds, 13 ounces of rice, the newborn Eli Kooris spent the majority of his childhood living amongst the workers of a rice/tennis shoe factory in Eastern Malaysia.Ironically, this would become Kooris's salvation. While a childhood in a sweatshop had its obvious downsides, the young Kooris spent his free hour per day fine-tuning his rice cooking skills: pilaf, fried and wild, his most notable flavors. When an American diplomat on his honeymoon stopped into the factory for a visit, he tried some of the young Kooris's succulent rice and decided, along with a pair of new Jordans, he would take the young lad with him back to America.Sadly, the diplomat's new wife was severely allergic to Kooris's rice dishes and she died quite painfully, shortly after they returned to the States. Accused of being a terrorist after that "disturbing dining room incident"--as we have come to call it--Kooris fled to California, where strange names were common-place and the demand for obscure rice dishes made by obscure people was actually quite high.For now, Kooris calls California home, having survived the recent low-carb rice recession. He operates as a freelance cobbler in West LA and is known in certain 'notable celebrity circles' to frequent their homes and whip up marvelous rice dishes right before their eyes."To donate to the Eric Von Strassbergen Institute for the Research and Advancement of Eli Kooris please write to this site's mailbox with how much you would like to donate and your favorite kind of rice, which the institute will send you via regular mail at no extra charge. All donations are tax deductible.