MY BIO:I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice.I write award-winning operas, and I manage time efficiently.I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook thirty-minute brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single handedly defended a small village in the Amazon basin from a large hoard of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. I enjoy urban hang-gliding.I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. I have been caller number nine and have won the tickets to Disneyland. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles.Children trust me.I can hurl tennis racquets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who have seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.I balance, I dodge, I weave, I frolic, and I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life, but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a toaster oven. I breed prize-winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees in the Kremlin. I have played Ophelia to Hamlet, and I have spoken with Elvis.But I have never been to Heaven (nor have I been to Minnesota). Yet.
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