Ashanka

I am a prehensile polydactyl cat. I am part Siamese and part American shorthair (Black American that is). Some call me a mutant, some call me mittens (which I hate) but Ernest Hemingway thought cats like me were the shit. I can throw things, open doors, scoop up food with my paw and eat it, type and use the computer when my human is asleep, amongst other things one can do when one has a thumb! This makes me the zenith of my kind! I am an exceptional cat! I demand the attention and submission of every human and cat who comes into my territory. I am often very annoyed with my human, because she never gives me enough attention, and with my daughter, who is deveoplmentally challenged, but I suppose that is what you get when you are forced to live with your mother all your life. I used to enjoy having my daughter around for cuddles and mutual grooming purposes, but as I get older, she gets more and more on my nerves, the little bimbo! Best of all, even though I am literate and prehensile, I can lead a life of leisure, and don't have to be gainfully empolyed as I am a cat!! Eric calls me Mike, because he thinks I was a repair man in a former life, weirdo. I was born Alice, a good diner waitress name, in its incarnation as my name. But then Jenny, who got me and my daughter when she was 15 and had moved out of her parents house into an apartment, renamed me Ashanka, because she was a dumb little Goth girl and wanted an exotic name for me. Sheeh! As Eliot says, it is only I who know my real name, and I can't translate it into human. I've been Alice, Ashanka, Mike, Ug, Mittens, Shankie, Chunky and Maow, Empress Maow. Scott was deathly afraid of me when he 1st met me, he thought my purring was a threat. But I've tamed him to obey me. I await the day the I will battle Robespierre to defend the life of poor Maude. I would give my life, what is left of it, to defend my human and my daughter, and to end the evil life of that unnatural cat. It will be an epic battle, louder and more screechy than the one between Godzilla and Mothra.