Icarus ∞ Aphelion profile picture

Icarus ∞ Aphelion

from zenith to aphelion {Saturnine // Mercurial}

About Me


I would like to first say; that myspace is being infested by the entire populace and I'm beginning to wonder if it has mind-control; that this is a convenient place for me to put all my ideas when I have nothing better to waste my time on. Don't take it too seriously; and I do not expect anyone to actually take the time and read all this shit. {To be honest, lots of the time I'm partially alert, somehow still awake really late at night under the influence of something. This is the result.} So here are my honest, often unnecessarily conflicted, proverbial bones to pick through at your own risk. These words are relics, slowly transforming. There, I've said it.
{Of Consequence}
More and more I'm becoming something unheard of. And slightly detached.
All boundaries and lines are blurred.
It's cold and quiet here in the places my mind wanders lately; disassociative is appropriate. I mostly feel lethargic and exhausted. Still breathing. What I've been needing is clarity. Repitition and routine both exhaust and frustrate me. Aside from work, I've had a lot of time on my hands, moving around like the gypsy I am. A lot of time to do a lot of {unhealthy} thinking. There's a tiring amount of strings that need cutting, adaptations to undertake. An endless knot. I've since become a confirmed misanthrope. But really, I just want the noise to stop. Silentia est aurium.
EYE AM EYE
Witness my reconstruction
This tree has 20 roots... {black dragons coil around my twisting fingers and carve their claws into me with sin and soot} ...two decades of crusade and expression. In my searching through archetypes I’ve found symmetry and affinity with my wiring most accurately in Icarus, the Fallen who flew too high, crashing scorched into the sea; on some level I feel the weight of that, having seen the depths of my perfect flaws. I am my own creation; and I indulge in my madness. Still the struggle.
Visions
{I am a threat, a message, an omen // An oracle and pharos // amidst all this rapid decay // when I am in zenith.}
Know this: I refuse to ever be tamed. My neural architecture lays in pieces. {Mine is a distorted mirror.} Layers and layers... and they never seem to fit here. I am an introspective heretic, a mind and tool of Renaissance. A force of nature, by will alone. In the motion of reinvention and self-perfection; always evolving. I have sinned and I have sacrificed, and I regret nothing.
{devout pagan // artisan // hedon // heathen // gypsy // shaman}
Sic Luceat Lux.
Consuming me at the deepest nerve: culture, theosophy, symbology, language, ideology, philosophy... Words are important to me, and I have a strongly spiritual connection to art. For every intention, I always have my reasons, or I don’t bother. Intent and pneumatic. I'm an unholy infusion of idealist and realist. Caught between the lines. Allow me to redefine everything you thought was important.
Wistful. Reckless. Restless. Mellow. Subtle. Subversive. I also have the potential to be callous when necessary. Driven by an ache for the distance. My blood runs torrid for adventure. And I am always searching. Nothing, Something, Anything. {If you will be the paper, I will be the pen.} Some would call me a bad influence; I might disagree. Trouble-maker, mischievous, inquisitive, all of them yes. I have an admittedly unhealthy love for intoxication, the raging, flaming and shameless lush that I am. {Youth spent wisely in excess and wisdom.} I am passionate, a creature of the senses, with a slightly addictive personality but not the resource to be a danger to society, or God help me... okay, so no deity is going to respond to that one. Without lines or limits. The soul is not geometric, from my view. Connection puts fire in my veins. Any other lifetime I would have been burned at the stake a hundred-fold for the truths and ideas I fight to keep alive and infectious. {A perpetual dreamer and hopelessly verbose.} I can't help it, to be perfectly honest. I'm out of reasons to waste time feeling guilty.
Introspection is liberation. I can never seem to stay grounded anywhere for long. Typical air-sign. I live from moment to moment. The psychological laws of Jung dictate me type INFP. I confess to being an insipid yet disaffected romantic, those doors are at present locked. I’m obviously a pure-blooded Libra, it's a burden sometimes.
Willing slave & prey to subtleties and misinterpreted muses {my endless hunt for invention, secrets and self-discovery}. These heart-strings of mine are leashes. Aforementioned is passion for the lost art of languages; At the moment, I'm studying French, German, Swedish, Icelandic, Finnish, Russian, Latin, Italian, Czech, Japanese, Norwegian, Scottish Gaelic and only shallow scratches in Sanskrit. Clearly some of my insanity reaches out into an occasional obsession... what can I say. At least I'm non-violent. That's enough. Most importantly, to give this semi-tirade its long-awaited death:
I don't believe in wasting time, nor do I believe in routine. I have nothing to prove and no idea what will be my next destination. I was built with an internal compass and I listen to it. Follow the trail of ashes, glitter, sequins and feathers.
Here the asylum I made for my sub-conscious, to reflect my inner kindgom.
And here is my livejournal , for all languid intention. Not that it's current.
Disce quasi semper victurus; Vive quasi cras moriturus.
Solve et coagula // Destroy to create.
The only solution, is revolution.

My Interests

From the creative fires of the right-brain:

subtlety, dreams, poetry, art, calligraphy, theatre, drawing, painting, photography, writing, architecture, corsetry, body art and modification, artisanship, assassins, mythology, culture, anthropology, people watching, existentialism, escapism, cannabis, self-medication, idealism, surrealism, romanticism, abstractions, transcendentalism, iconoclasm, sensuality, mindless self-indulgence, debauchery, sodomy, sexuality, decadence, decay, hedonism, intrigue, natural selection, divine justice, aesthetics, symbology, secrets, anomolies, tragedy, curiosity, nostalgia, hypnotism, androgyny, creation, intuitive arts, all things bohemian, baroque, arabesque, ancient ways, tribal worship, altered states of consciousness, literature, wilderness, nature, organica, demonology, vampirism, possession, exorcism, oneiroi, protogenoi

From the holocaust winter of the left brain:

linguistics, progressive politics, xenophilia, philosophy, psychology, collective consciousness, paradigm shifts, cognitive liberation, gnosis, catharsis, anatomy, ethnobotany, minimalism, neurology, intricacy, perfecting, evolving, balance, {Libra}, Jungian typology, distortion, cognitive dissonance, catatonia, catalepsy, insomnia, schizophrenia, mental disorders, perception, heresy, mixology, symbiosis, catalysts, population control, metaphysics, realism, archetypes, ontology, sociology, satire, dark humor, viticulture, natural disasters, experimentation, reinvention, persistence, mischief & mayhem, archery

Outward, from within:

animism, eclectic paganism, occult, witchcraft, necromancy, esoterism, mysticism, hermeticism, sacred geometry, kabbalah, alchemy, divination, tarot, runes, tantra, buddhism, kundalini, taoism, yoga, meditation, astrology, healing, eastern medicine, spirituality, purity, the fall from grace, intoxication, inebriation, psychoactives, sedation, hallucinating, addictions, martinis, delirium, twilight, primal instincts, shamanism, innovation, catacombs, martyrdom, entropy, activism, renaissance, revolution, jihad, anachronism, isolation, independence, the human condition, prophecy, oracles, apocalypse, exploration, spontaneity, travel, affinities, lost civilizations, Gehenna, tobacco, self-discovery, self-destruction, rebirth

I'd like to meet:

{Forgive a broken record, our sins are scars. Embrace them.}

Above all, be genuine. I don't waste my time with nor do I tolerate liars and leeches.

And what is it that I am hunting, what is the predatory pheromone that captivates? Open doors, open minds. I am an assassin of the corrupt right-wing consciousness; it is our silent epidemic. {My hands are unclean in erasure and blasphemy.}

The question to ask is if I am a risk worth taking. I offer defiance. {An awakening, a New Renaissance.} Rescognize the distant stare.

Those of a progressive collective consciousness are my interest. I'm looking for symmetry, someone with an echo of my frequency, who reciprocates flawlessly. People with stories. I admire sincerity, and respect compassion. I always invite words and reflections from distant mirrors. {Give me fresh blood and open eyes.} You'll rarely catch me on there, but my screenname is Static Nepenthe {AIM}

Music:

To speak first of quiet hymns
acoustic guitar, cello, violin, piano, sitar, mandolin, rain falling on glass

{industrial, techno, experimental, avant-garde, indie, metal, dark ambient, neo-classical, trip-hop, dark wave}

Nine Inch Nails, A Perfect Circle, Björk, Sigur Ros, Radiohead, Mogwai, Marilyn Manson, Tool, Otep, Ulver, Norma Jean, Neurosis, Meshuggah, KMFDM, Mindless Self-Indulgence, Portishead, Queen Adreena, Rasputina, Garbage, Tori Amos, Amber Asylum, Johnny Hollow, Múm, Godspeed You Black Emperor!, Baxter, Modest Mouse, Antimatter, Kidneythieves, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Ruby, Raison D'Etre, A Murder of Angels, Deftones, Kittie, Isis, Massive Attack, Chemical Brothers, Placebo, Prodigy, Air, Poison the Well, Anja Garbarek, Emiliana Torrini, Garmarna, Rammstein, Bright Eyes, The For Carnation, Denali, My Bloody Valentine, Jack Off Jill, Drill, Vast, Primus, Nirvana, Smashing Pumpkins, Boards of Canada, Tricky, Le Tigre, Autechre, Aphex Twin, Juno Reactor, Miss Kittin, Muse, Morcheeba, Mellowdrone, Matmos, Mazzy Star, Azure Ray, Plexi, Slayer, This Mortal Coil, Dead Can Dance, Love Spirals Downward, Tristeza, David Bowie, The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, ohGr, Ministry, Dimitri Shostakovich, Vivaldi, Beethoven, Chopin, Meat Beat Manifesto, Slipknot, The Crystal Method, Interpol, Hive, Bauhaus, White Zombie, The Ramones, Orbital, Einsturzende Neubauten, Coil...

Movies:

A Clockwork Orange, Requiem for a Dream, The Pillow Book, Stigmata, Run Lola Run, Gia, Donnie Darko, May, American History X, the Nightmare Before Christmas, Alice in Wonderland, 300, Kids, Freeway, the Crow, Lord of the Rings, the Cell, What Dreams May Come, Cowboy Bebop, Battle Royale, Dancer in the Dark, Tank Girl, Trainspotting, Fight Club, Hannibal, Red Dragon, Silence of the Lambs, Hellraiser, Moulin Rouge, Edward Scissorhands, Velvet Goldmine, Memento, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Natural Born Killers, Interview With the Vampire, Kill Bill, Grindhouse, the Ninth Gate, House of 1000 Corpses, The Devil's Rejects, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Pink Flamingos, Girl Interrupted, Manic, But I'm a Cheerleader!, Underworld, the Craft, 28 Days Later, the Shining, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Resident Evil, Amelie, The Exorcist, Sleepy Hollow, Legend. Independent and foreign films are my favorite - Anything elegant, dark, brutal, disturbing, cultural or escapist in nature.

Television:

[adult swim], Reign: the Conqueror, Carnivale, Invader Zim, Aeon Flux, Drawn Together, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab 2021, Family Guy, South Park. The Hitler History Channel, occasional anime. TV is dull.

Books:

poetry, mythology, psychology, viking sagas, history, occult and spirituality, eastern philosophy, theories of evolution, ancient texts in dead languages, essays of great minds
books:
Ariel, Echo, Dangerous Angels, Necroscope, Dune, The Marriage of Heaven and Hell, The Prophetic Books, Une Saison En Enfer, Songs of Innocence and of Experience, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass, Illuminations, Beowulf, Les Fleurs du Mal, Incarnations of Immortality, Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, Squee, The Divine Comedy, La Dictionnaire Infernale, The Da Vinci Code, The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, Silmarillion, the Alchemist, Shakespeare's Collected Works, the Book of Three, Dhammapada, Bhagavad Gita, Tao Te Ching, I Ching, the Emerald Tablet, the Egyptian Book of the Dead, Dracula, Mein Kampf, The Nightside, Food of the Gods
authors:
William Blake, Arthur Rimbaud, Dante Alighieri, Otep Shamaya, Rumi, Shakespeare, Poe, Sei Shonagon, Sylvia Plath, Francesca Lia Block, Nietzsche, Charles Baudelaire, Goethe, Kafke, Tolkien, Lewis Carrol, Piers Anthony, E. E. Cummings, Brian Lumley, Stephan Mallarme, Frank Herbert, Orson Scott Card, Laurrel K. Hamilton, Ann Rice

Heroes:

Leonardo da Vinci, William Blake, Lillith, Brian Molko, Conor Oberst, David Bowie, Oscar Wilde, Otep Shamaya, Tim Burton, Jhonen Vasquez, Maynard James Keenan, Kurt Cobain, Eliphas Levi, Aleister Crowley, Shirley Manson, Brian Warner, Mark Ryden, Jónsi, Trent Reznor, Björk, Francesca Lia Block, Shakespeare, Jacob Böhme, Kircher, the Dalai Lama, Rasputin, Jean d'Arc, Queen Elizabeth, Arthur Rimbaud, Charles Baudelaire, Sylvia Plath, Margaret Cho, Eddie Izzard, Sei Shonagon, J.R.R. Tolkien, Lewis Carrol, Hannibal Lector, Poe, Hermes Trismigestus, Siddharta Gautama, Lucifer the Messiah of all true poets, the Morning Star, Elizabeth Bathory, Carl Jung, Nietzsche, Einstein, Waite, Clive Barker, Hesiod; Any evolved/imaginative figure, artist, or revolutionary, anyone who is fearless, untamed... who pushes the envelope... activists, megalomaniacs, world powers, quiet underdogs, martyrs, catalysts, people who create art, who use the power of voice.

My Blog

From the wilderness I re-emerge

I am still here, still in the desperate chase to survive, still waiting for a revelation. But my isolation has been a sting, someone let me know you're still out there. I work at a piercing shop now, ...
Posted by Icarus on Wed, 14 Sep 2005 12:01:00 PST

{Through Famine}

And where do I find myself, Where are the pieces And what voice exalts silent auguries? Vernal senescence strangles open; Dilated, eyelashes of spider silk, Woven in the harem of Lillith, My emp...
Posted by Icarus on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

What Tool Song Am I?

You are Lateralus. You are unique, intelligent, andmost importantly, an individual. You areprobably a leader and you see and do thingsyour own way, which is usually different fromthe norm. We expect b...
Posted by Icarus on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

my complete zodiac birthchart

Rising Sign is in 25 Degrees Scorpio You tend to be quiet, reserved, secretive and, at times, quite difficult to understand. Others notice your deep emotions and feelings and wonder how to draw you ...
Posted by Icarus on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Tongue-struck

You dont seem to fit your skin Anymore. Where the cold seeps in, Blue-veined wrists can only protest When I collide with gravity. I have the inertia drug, I cannot slow but until I dream, Dreaming ...
Posted by Icarus on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Sodomy In the Towers of Gehenna

Amongst angulations Like arrows, I feel you near, Like a crossbow, I cannot resist your flutterby ashes Or your elegant eyelashes. Sweet assassin, Embrace me and give me a new skin. Inside me, inside...
Posted by Icarus on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Only Sweet Coma

One breath, I look to you, Into you. Searching, Hoping, yearning, burning. No whisper passes my lips But I know you can hear me. And I wonder, What coldness I have suffered To find this fire quietly ...
Posted by Icarus on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Scorn

Fallen, into this Harem of muses. Numbed by her voice, The martyr, Counting the spiders As they crawl into her sores. In the fires of rebirth, Unleashing purity Like malice and carrion. Choking on yo...
Posted by Icarus on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

everything that has led up to this point

and now i will fade. i fade from your eyes. i fade from my structure. i soothe my lungs with the smooth silk of smoke. i will not have any part of this. seeing is everything. open eyes are a horizon. ...
Posted by Icarus on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

a catharsis of devastation, a heretical mythos

In these fires I begin to drown. My transcendence is long overdue, I have waited for far too long To summon the strength in my blood To let loose the floodgates, And flood these lands With petrichor....
Posted by Icarus on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST