Zonky Tonk Zydeco is a fun, well-endowed band dedicated to providing their audiences with exhilaratingly hip musical presentations. The joint efforts of this entertaining group penetrate a host of infectious rhythmic and melodic sounds stemming from Louisiana culture. Fronted by animated accordionist and kinky keyboardist, Jethro Codeine, Zonky Tonk not only busts out the zydeco with high-flying energy, but they also infuse other similarly greasy genres including, yet never limited to, cajun, dixie, gospel, polka, country, rock, funk, punk, crunk, drunk, and the blues. Their rousing concerts keep crowds dancing and they always leave their sweaty spectators delightfully exhausted.
The five members of Zonky Tonk Zydeco are Jethro Codeine, Niffer Kostaruigez, Secret Cajun Stan, Professor Weed, and Timmy Tola.
Jethro Codeine (accordion / keys / vocals) – An orphan, Jethro has endured a thorny upbringing. Abandoned immediately after his abnormally bloody birth in the bushes of Amstel Park, Amsterdam, baby Codeine was recovered and subsequently sold into slavery by Gustov Formaldehyde (a passing by janitor who had just finished working his graveyard cleaning shift along the notoriously seedy Weerdestein red light district). Over the next three decades, Jethro was bought and sold frequently by many perverted occupational pirates around the globe. It was during these trying times, mostly working in sweatshops and meat packing factories, that he developed an ear and passion for musical substance. Eventually, Jethro became emancipated and moved to Kentwood, Louisiana, where he owned and operated his own dance studio (Jethro Codeine’s Dance Studio and Drive-Thru Pharmacy and Liquor Store and Po Boys). A fervent stalker of Kentwood’s most famous celebrity family, the Spears, Codeine has been thrown in jail twenty-nine times. His favorite food is coconut shrimps.
Niffer Kostaruigez (washboard / percussion / vocals) – A native of Gueydan, Louisiana, Niffer grew up working concession stands and singing karaoke contests at Gueydan’s legendary Duck Festival. Each year, as young Niffer’s stage presence and vocal prowess confidently improved, her fan base swelled exponentially. By the time she hit puberty, she had landed a multi-dollar record deal with infamous local label Raspberry Swirl. Under her contract, she toured and performed at a variety of duck festivals throughout the country. On a chilly August evening in 1997, at the Saratoga Duck Festival in upstate New York, fifteen-year-old Niffer met her beau. Dosed with rohypnol, she impulsively quit her tour and eloped with a wandering guitar player by the name of Secret Cajun Stan. For the next ten years, they steadily continued to travel and play music at casinos, flea markets, American Legions, assisted living centers, Chuckie Cheeses, gas stations, bus stations, train stations, airports, and dark alleys. In 2007, these two lovebirds were somehow recruited by Jethro and Timmy to play in Zonky Tonk Zydeco.
Secret Cajun Stan (guitar / vocals) – A Canadian citizen, Stan migrated to the States in 1997 (where he met his wife Niffer at the aforementioned duck festival). Unfortunately, not much about Secret Cajun Stan’s life prior to 1997 is known and he refuses to disclose any detailed biographical information for various legal reasons. However, he has casually mentioned that he was once a garbage man, a Ferris wheel operator, a house painter, a Boy Scout leader (Webelos), a Catholic priest, a used car salesman, a nurse, a cab driver, a masseuse, an alcoholic, a heroin addict, a cough syrup addict, a cough drop addict, a monk, a necrophiliac, an Elvis imitator, a tollbooth money taker person, and a banjo player. Ever since 1997 though, Stan has slouched soberly and faithfully by the side of his wife Niffer and they make sure to play paddy cake every morning. In his free time, he designs and maintains several adult websites specializing in personal ads. Stan’s favorite color is raw sienna.
Professor Weed (bass / vocals) – A retired horticulture instructor with decades of reputable scholastic experience teaching at Ridgemont High, Humboldt Community College, Seedsman Academy, Sussex University, Ball State University, Alcarama Security Brigade School For Jews, and The Louisiana Institute of Plant Growing Or Sumpin’ (TLIOPGOS), P. Weed is also a full-blown game show contestant junkie. Since 1976, he has appeared on forty-two broadcast television game shows including Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud, $10 Pyramid, The Price Is Wrong, Double Dare, Singled Out, Next, Deaf Date, Win Ben Stein’s Virginity, Who Wants Be A Sextillionaire?, Are You Smarter Than A Fifteenth Grader?, and What’s That Bitch Talkin’ About?. Notably, P. Weed has also had a lengthy music career touring the world with Stars And Stripes, the official military band that plays at a plethora of important presidential appearances. Indeed, no doubt, and indubitably, after responding to a personal ad from one of Secret Cajun Stan’s websites, Professor Weed found his true life calling as the bass player with Zonky Tonk Zydeco. P. Weed’s biggest secret: he has webbed toes.
Timmy Tola (drums / vocals) – A former World’s Strongest Man competitor from Eunice, Louisiana, Timmy was forced into an early retirement from W.S.M. events in 1984 after a disastrous Volkswagen lifting accident. Ultimately succumb to double arm amputation, he was equipped with two prosthetic arms he calls Randy and Larry. In 1986, he stole his first drum kit and began playing them in a band at his church. For the next twenty-years or so, he honed his skills beyond description and would become a leader of several drumming clinics at The Louisiana Drumming School for the Deaf and Blind. It was at one of those clinics in 2005 that Timmy met a special student by the name of Jethro Codeine. They hit it off instantly and for the next two years they would embark on the holy mission of establishing the ravenous musical posse that is Zonky Tonk Zydeco. Timmy applies chap stick to his lips on the hour, every hour.