I'd like to meet:
.. width="425" height="350" ..I want to marry this man...
Not many of you out there "get" Las Vegas so here I'm going to spell it out for you (props to Nicole this is awesome):
1. First, it's pronounced LOSS-VAYGUS, NUH-VAD-DUH. It doesn't matter how they say it in other places.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Las Vegas has its own set of traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is get in your car and hope you survive to learn them.
3. All directions start with, "Go down 95...'cause you don't want to get on 15."
4. Las Vegas Blvd, Charleston Blvd, and Torrey Pines have no beginning and no end.
5. And, yes, we all know that crazy man in on Sahara & Ft. Apache. His name is Mr. Happy and he probably makes more money than you do. (is he famous or what)
6. The 8:00 am rush hour is from 4:30am to 11:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is from 11:30am to 10:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning and ends sometime late Sunday night.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Las Vegas. You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the beginning of the red light create a "pumpkin-orange" hue.
8. For the most part, you can do anything you want, as long as it isn't in a school zone.
9. Just remember that Camino Al Norte is Martin Luther King Blvd., Boulder Highway is Fremont Street, Eastern Ave is 25th Street or Civic Center Drive, Desert Inn is Lamb Blvd., Spring Mountain/Sands/Twain are all the same street. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
10. Henderson is the only place in the world where THREE "parallel" streets intersect at one traffic light. That would be the 4-way of Green Valley Parkway/Eastern Avenue/Maryland Parkway. For laughs ask your middle school Geometry teacher to try to explain it.
11. Rainbow Blvd. has THREE exits from the 95, this just makes giving driving directions to newbies more entertaining. There is also a Lake Mead "Drive" and a Lake Mead "Boulevard" and both run east/west but are 30 miles apart. You have to be specific when you say "the corner of Lake Mead and........" Again this is just another way to harass the 5000 newcomers every month.
2. Many major roads just end abruptly in somebody's garage, a Home Depot, a Casino or McCarran International Airport Runways and start again after the interruption. That was done to encourage you to "see the sights" and meet new people. For fun, just try to take Harmon Avenue from Rainbow to Nellis.
13. If moisture at hand is determined to be rain, not sweat, all traffic must immediately cease. Ditto for daylight savings time, girl applying eye-shadow across the street, or a flat tire 3 lanes over. Do not attempt to access any road after an apocalyptic event like snow, blowing dust, or a 3-day weekend.
14. Once a year, when it rains, the Las Vegas wash and the City of Las Vegas are one.
15. The wind blows every day, and it is impossible to live in Las Vegas without some kind of allergy drug.
16. Construction on I-15 and US 95 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment. I-215 will never be completed. Get used to it!
17. Stay away from the corner of Nellis and Las Vegas Blvd. if you do not like the thought of being in a remake of the movie "Top Gun."
18.It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive"
Mattel recently announced the release of limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Greater Nevada market:
"Summerlin Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Boca Park . She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.
"North West Barbie"
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.
"NOR TOWN Barbie"
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
"Green Valley Barbie"
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.
"Hendertucky Barbie"
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.
"Las Vegas Strip Barbie"
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends. Percocet prescription available as well as newly built high rise condo.
"Pahrump Barbie"
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home.
"Reno Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Reno Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.
"Bonanza Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.
"Tahoe Barbie"
She's perfect in every way. We don't know where Ken is because he's always out a-'huntin'.
"Larry's Villa Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.
Your Love Quote
Love is not a matter of counting the years --it's making the years count. What Love Quote Suits You?
Heroes:
Take the quiz:
What kind of muscle car are you?
1971 Plymouth Barracuda
You have a 1971 Plymouth Barracuda. You love beer. You love your car. It's fast as hell, and thats all that matters! And yes, it's got a hemi.....that's right I said a hemi!
Quizzes by myYearbook.com -- the World's Biggest Yearbook!
