Pimpalonius Dadium

I am not a citizen of this country nor earth for that matter. Legally, my status is resident alien. That's right, ALIEN. My family and I came from a very far corner of the galaxy, hence that's why Mexicans watch Galavision. Galaxy, Galavision Hmm. Coincidence? I think not. I first arrived on earth in a sombrero shaped flying saucer in form of something called a piñata, but I was instantly killed. I was found in a dark alley along 18th street in L.A. I was beaten and gutted by three five year old suspects still believed to be on the loose. From my remains, I was regenerated into a higher life form better equipped to handle the environment, so I was reborn as Speedy Gonzales. Later, the Americans found out my weakness and subdued me with Mescal and Tequila. After a short-lived career as a porn star, I was found in a hotel room with my neck snapped under a mouse trap. It was never confirmed whether my death was suicide or foul play. However, some say that there is evidence that links the U.S. Government and it's involvement to the crashing of other Sombreros in Roswell. Anyhow, after many failed attempts I was regenerated as Mezkin Jesus. My alien superiors said, "Hey. They can't be that stupid. Crucify the same guy twice? What are the chances?" So here I am today getting chased by white ghosts who like to burn crosses on my front lawn. Eh. It's been fun.