JE$$ICA profile picture

JE$$ICA

I bet you suck alot of dick, bitch I can fit 10 in my mouth

About Me

I'm an asshole and need to get punched in the face.

My Interests

Adult beverages. American & Mexican grilled cheese. Taking way too many pictures. Graduating. .. 5) Update: Linda is special to me. Saving my butt for marriage. Traveling with no money. I watch the OC. Gambling. Skirts that are too short. Donkeys. Making fun of people in the bar. I have the best friends in the world, seriously. Celibacy. Update: Fuck Celibacy. Getting flowers. Drunk text messages. Spooning. Telling ugly guys I have AIDS. Guys that look like they just got out of prison. Neck tattoos. Not working. Leaving in the morning with my bra in my purse. Attempting to do the electric slide. But you will get served in a dance off. Getting bored of a guy in a month. Being gullible. Looking like a conceited bitch. Pretending to be tough. Pasties. Cowboy boots. Going to car shows. And whatever else works. I hate crack, hangovers, sluts, getting egged, feet, slippers, you, bathrobes, obese ladies, people who can't fucking spell, and hair picks. ..

I'd like to meet:

A designated driver..

Music:

Love songs on the Kost 103.5

Movies:

Shitty Porn. And someone made me watch The Labrynth, what the fuck!?!..

Television:

If I had cable I would never leave my house. ..

Books:

I need to read up on how to not fuck up relationships. ..

Heroes:

Frederick Pabst and all the bartenders everywhere ..

My Blog

Looking at people's pages that I went to high school with!?

Am I the only one who still parties? Am I the only one who doesn't have kids or been married? Am the only one who didn't get fat? Am I the only one who doesn't have a real job? I can't figure out if I...
Posted by Jessica on Fri, 28 Apr 2006 03:00:00 PST

'Tis the season

.....To get drunk and unruly with the Dirty Girls!Thaaaat's right, your favorite and my favorite, the DGFB will be hosting it's Very First Annual Naughty or Nice? Holiday Social on Wednesday, December...
Posted by Jessica on Thu, 01 Dec 2005 12:37:00 PST

Time to hitchhike

I was driving last night, pretending to be sober, and I see this ginormous spider crawling on the inside of my windshield. So I tried to kill it but missed, of course. I had to be somewhere at 1p...
Posted by Jessica on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Hiring for a drunk stripper that can't swing on the pole

So it all started with drinking multi-flavored margaritas. Then we took a walk, with beer, to Kim Mi's. We all danced on the pole. BTW I would be the world's worst stripper. Although I did leave with ...
Posted by Jessica on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I get the best compliments

For some odd reason people like to say wierd shit to me. One time I was called a possible prostitute. Another time a guy said he wanted to hang out with me. He said he already hangs out with trash but...
Posted by Jessica on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Who I'd like to meet...

I would like to meet anyone named Tim. So far I've had bad luck with boys named Tim, even one named Timo. So if your name is Tim please try to date me so I can ruin it. Thank you.
Posted by Jessica on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Let's talk about lesbians!

How come when I go to the bar with my friend (who happens to be a girl), people assume that we're lesbians? Any ideas on how to be less lesbianish?
Posted by Jessica on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Where's all the sluts?

I only have 3 friends...this is an invitation to all sluts to please be my friend. I Loooove me some whores.
Posted by Jessica on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST