I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you?

About Me

I'm Nicholas Gordon James d'Arcy-Hawkes. I'm currently 24. In all those many years I've managed to avoid regular employment, avoid getting an education and fucked up far too many times than I care to remember.

This worries me greatly...

Currently I seem to be spending most of my time sat at home or in the various pubs of Worcester. If not, then I'm probably at the Marr's Bar, taking your money in exchange for alcohol and attempting to display an air of something bordering on authority. Look, just don't dance with fucking drinks, comprendez?

My Email/MSN - [email protected]

My Interests

stuff that doesn't make me bawl my eyes out.
I also dislike coffee. And rugby.
Barnet FC and Newcastle United make me happy.
Football Focus is nice. yes. I like Beef stew, dumplings, cottage pie, cobblers (food not shoe repair.) and many other meat products. using the suffix "and the jews" in highly inappropriate places. Listening to bands whch no one else has heard of and still liking them when everyone has heard of them a few months later and then getting pissed off when people have a go at me about not liking them when they release pure shite on cd and then play a three minute pop ballad on top of the pops instead of the stuff they did when they were good. what? hating chefs called Gordon. loving chefs called Nigella. loving girls with names starting with a letter from the alphabet (odd letters only). putting my penis in your eye. swashbuckling. dickwhipping. ballgagging. lollipopping. dry cleaning. rugs. shagpile. artisan cheeses. jesus (only when he was a kid, it was a bit like macaulet culkin, after the nativity he just wasn't cute anymore. and he deserved to die [in my girl]). getting mugged. more ballgagging. teabagging. making coffee. declining tea. eating rich tea biscuits. star wars rpgs. vagina. books.

I'd like to meet:

The woman of my dreams. ...Turns out I was a bit hasty...
Pavel Srnicek
Shaka Hislop
Some kind of rich young widow with a heart defect....

Music:

Do Make Say Think, Mogwai, Cable, Jarcrew, and a shite load of other stuff

Movies:

the saint of fort washington
the princess bride
LA story
Amelie
Delicatessen
Battle Royale
BRII (minus the last five minutes)
Ghost Busters
Rushmore
Nearly any Steve Martin / Bill Murray stuff
oh, and David Lynch is a genius, too.

Television:

Matsui 14" with Teletext and no doofer because i ate it.
Bush 14" DVD/TV Combi with teletext. It has a doofer.

(but really... UKTV History/BrightIdeas, BBC Four dramatisations, BBC Three comedies and Match Of The Fucking Day...)

Books:

His Dark Materials, Robert Rankin stuff, Good Omens, Charles Bukowski, Paulo Coelho, a little bit of Dr. Who, Deliah Smith and Star Wars... oh and that Potter brat too...

Heroes:

my mum, for putting up with me all this time; the legend that is Bruce Campbell, also....
Shaka Fricking Hislop
and

PAVEL SRNICEK

My Blog

I’m so rubbish...

Bloody hell I'm the most confused man ever... I've enterd into the most ludicrous pact ever and it is going to rip my heart and emotional stability into tiny shreds...
Posted by I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you? on Thu, 20 Sep 2007 10:01:00 PST

eggs

I fucking love eggs. i just can't keep myself from cooking them and then devouring them like some protein covered heroin gloop.
Posted by I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you? on Sun, 28 Aug 2005 11:04:00 PST

What Colour Is Your Tongue?

"What Colour Is Your Tongue?" - can't believe i managed to get some ladies bathroom cubicle fun out of that! "we should check, they have better mirrors in there...." i'm a genius.... possibly.....
Posted by I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you? on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

marmosets and mandibles?

i want to die. i feel bad. bloody smoking. lungs like smoked fish. yes. what? how many bloody ex-girlfriends do i have on this thing? it's ludicrous... but yeah... lung batter... fuck... by t...
Posted by I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you? on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

i think i have food poisoning...

it's horrrible... that's what you get for grillling sausages when you're horribly drunk... it's hideous... black nasty vomit hell and stuffing... horrible horrible horrible...
Posted by I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you? on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

apologies and feeling better

i feel better now. my reasons for needing to write stuff have been accepted... well, tolerated... sorry to every person involved. x
Posted by I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you? on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

GRRRRR and FUCKING RARRRGH!

so, it's horrible when you realise you love someone so much that now they don't, well... i'll say "love" (although she never confessed to this) you it makes you hate them with every tiny little piece ...
Posted by I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you? on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

bored (girlfriend applications)

Whats your Name: Age: Birthday: Location: Sexual Preference: Height: Weight: Body Type: Eye color: Hair Color: Favorite Bands: Favorite Movies: Religion: Smoke?: Drink?: Drive?: Job?: ...
Posted by I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you? on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

The many layers of me...

Lets get to know me a bit better.... this is nicked from abby... LAYER ONE: On The Outside - Name: Nicholas Gordon James d'Arcy-Hawkes - Nickname: Nic, Nicof, d'Arcy, d'Arse, nicofdarcyshire ...
Posted by I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you? on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I just realised...

I can fart in very much the same sound as a mobile phone message being picked up in transit by audio speakers....
Posted by I'm Nic d'Arcy, who the Hell are you? on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST