HI LOL I'm Emily. My parents were to name me Daisy or Molly, however, clearly did not. The only good thing about my name is that I get compliments from the elderly. No joke. One time I was chillin' at the checkouts at Asda, and this old bint with what looked like a gozzy eye, exclaimed "ooh Emily! that's a lovely name!" Following this statement she commented on how obese our society is becoming - "oooh there's alot of bonny women around these days!" *Glances to 'bonny' woman behind her with a trolley full of Cadbury's creme eggs*. She was one of my Top 5 customers.
People are always getting my age wrong. Maybe if I dressed more like an adult rather than a hippy I'd avoid these awkward situations with cashiers because I get ID'd all the frikkin time. One time I got ID'd for redbull in my own Asda store. The wang of a woman that served me said I looked 14. I obviously replied with "OMG I'M 19 FFS, U WANT ME 2 POP A CAP IN UR ASS?" hence me getting out my level 100 Pidgeot (NOT THRU CHEATS I SWEAR LOL!) and I pulled a wing attack on her. She died that day. Emotionally.
Does anyone know what happened to Starburst Joosters? (The best sweets in the world. ever.) I remember quite well, between the years 2002-2004 I used to eat them everyday. They got me through high school. Literally. Once I was getting told off by my English teacher for using the Carol Ann Duffy anthology as a fly squatter. She exclaimed "Emily! Aghast! Get out of this room at once!"..I then pulled out a bag of Joosters and offered her a green one. They were my favourite. After tasting the sugar coated bean, she immediately apologised for speaking to me in such tone. The moral of the story? Joosters rock. As they are a type of noshy bean. Noshy beans are good. The end.
Oh and by the way. I hate everyone. And everything. If I don't like you, it's not your fault. Don't take it personally. It's God's. He created you. However, this does not mean to say that I am never happy. Lots of things make me happy - Asda. Blu-tak. Moon boots. Lego. Clouds..and when you wake up to find a rainbow-tailed-lemur sitting on the end of your bed offering you a plate of sugar puffs.
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