Andrew profile picture

Andrew

I am here for Friends

About Me

I am a college drop out who lives on his mother's couch, I have put out job applications but no one has called me back. I like to eat the random popcorn between the cushions as a midnight snack, and I collect the change I find in hopes of one day buying a house of my own. Also, if anyone has a comfortable (not too hard, but still supportive) couch for me to sleep on just let me know, I won't be a bother. Also, I don't do chores, cook, or take care of pets, even better, if I move in and you have a pet you need to get rid of it, for my sake please.

My Interests

I have many interests. I'm interested in Quantum Physics, Horticulture, Charles Bukowski, early Steve Martin, fat people, deformed babies, dead baby jokes, racism, Women who wear tight clothes that shouldn't, Men who wear thongs, unibrows, soft carpet, holes in walls (they all have a story), water faucets that don't turn off completely, loose cabinet handles, flickering light bulbs, infomercials, spaghetti wires, dust bunnies, corner spider webs, laundry detergent, Febreze, aerosol cans, stick deodorant, fingernail clippers, automatic doors/locks/windows, the parking brake, the layer of dust collecting on my dashboard, where animals on the side of the road came from/what they were hit by/where they go, why people pay for low quality food, and most importantly if we go to heaven...is there going to be an all you can eat buffet, I hope so.

I'd like to meet:

People who can lick their elbow. People who despise Larry the Cable Guy, Queen Latifah, Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Ashton Kutcher, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohen, and/or Britney Spears (if I misspelled any of these don't message me because I do not care, and quite frankly I'm disappointed that you know the correct way). People who can look into the sun for more then 30 seconds without seeing spots. People who can imitate a dog chasing it's tail. People who can throw a frisbee and make it come back to them. People who lived under a rock their whole life. People with drinking problems that don't think it's a problem. People who can move objects with sheer mind power, or by just pushing it, that's cool, too. People who can't pump their own gas. People who think racism is funny. People who think Star Trek is a religion. People who wear capes to work. People who cut off half their pinky for a bet. And last but not least, People who have over 9 cats and no children.

Music:

I enjoy a variety of music, and I don't know if I should be one of those people that end at that or list every band I listen to on occasion...well, I'm lazy so I'll end with that...if you're interested you can ask me...is that enough?

Movies:

Look at music...I work at Blockbuster so that should be enough to tell you that Delta Farce and The Last Holiday will not be on my list...ever.

Television:

I don't watch much T.V., but I do enjoy it once it comes out on DVD. Umm... I like Heroes, The Office, Weeds, Seinfeld, Everybody Loves Raymond, Mr. Show, 3 South, Clone High, I Love New York (I hate admitting that), South Park, The Simpsons, Family Guy, I'm trying to think...oh yes, Robot Chicken, ATHF, Bullshit, Beavis and Butthead. That's all I can think of for now, but as soon as I stop typing here 20 more shows will pop into my head.

Books:

I was an English major so I do enjoy reading, just not when it is assigned to me. I'm a slow reader and I'll get around to reading it whenever I feel like it. How about a class that says, "You don't have to read this book, but I just thought you'd be interested. Now everyone take out a piece of paper and write me a paragraph on why you didn't have time to read last weeks' book."

Heroes:

Anyone who has the courage to wake up everyday and do what they hate so they might one day be able to do what they love.

My Blog

Well Im just one poor baby cause, well I believed them all - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

So I have been meaning to go back and find all of my old surveys and post them in a blog, so this is what this is. I am going to go ahead and warn you that this will probably take a lot of time, it to...
Posted by Andrew on Wed, 05 Mar 2008 08:04:00 PST

I’m sorry that you have to see the strength inside me burning -Markéta Irglova

Hillary Clinton has nearly pulled ahead of Obama and I just want to say... "How much longer does this have?" Much love for Hillary and all, but I'm tired of turning on the news and seeing them standin...
Posted by Andrew on Wed, 05 Mar 2008 06:27:00 PST

Is this for realsies!?!

I'm sure we have all opened up a bulletin to see one of them that describes every month of the year and what you act like if you were born in that month... kind of like astrology made up by a teenage ...
Posted by Andrew on Wed, 16 Jan 2008 12:04:00 PST

He that is not with me is against me: and he that gathereth not with me scattereth. -Luke 11:23

Well I sit here bored. I'm not at work, all my friends have left, I can't sleep, and there's a Mexican passed out on my couch so I can't watch a movie. I don't feel like writing and no one has posted ...
Posted by Andrew on Sat, 12 Jan 2008 03:13:00 PST

Nobody’s outside, trying to murder, nobody’s outside, there’s no one really at all. - BoH

Well this sucks, I just spent like 45 minutes filling out this survey and then the internet messed up and blah blah blah...well, there's a whole slew of Andrew Jokes that will never be read... ever. O...
Posted by Andrew on Wed, 09 Jan 2008 04:16:00 PST

She said, "Please me no surrender, I just love to feel your fender." - King Crimson

First off, let me say that it has been so long since I've written a blog that it took me ten minutes just to remember how to post a new one, so I believe that means I owe my avid readers an apology......
Posted by Andrew on Fri, 04 Jan 2008 04:17:00 PST

I Guess the Carpet Wasnt Rolled Out

I have 20 minutes of work left, is it enough time to write a new blog? I don't know. Will it be rushed? Most likely. Will the next shift show up late and give me more time to do this? Most defiantly.W...
Posted by Andrew on Sun, 25 Nov 2007 03:59:00 PST

Hem of your Garment

Well, it has been a while blog page, what do you say...are you ready to give it another try, or are you just going to resent me when we're through? Let's pray for the best and maybe this time it'll la...
Posted by Andrew on Sun, 18 Nov 2007 09:23:00 PST

Drink some of this, it’ll put color in your cheeks

I'm sitting here waiting to leave for work and I decided I would post the two short stories I wrote last night. These were for a class, it had to be a family event written from two perspectives. You c...
Posted by Andrew on Fri, 26 Oct 2007 02:13:00 PST

Dead-Bolt not forgotten

As I was trying to fall asleep I thought of a curious word for something. The dead-bolt, these are my thoughts on the subject.Was the dead-bolt once alive? When it was first invented was it called the...
Posted by Andrew on Fri, 28 Sep 2007 04:32:00 PST