Kicking ass and taking names! Well, maybe just tattooing and painting, but one time in 1st grade I kicked some kids ass...and I think I remember his name...Ok, well, maybe he won.
I'd like to meet:
Cute girlz, Whitney Houston's drug dealer, midgets...or little people (preferably with flat heads and no teeth), someone who doesn't like 50 cents, Ike Turner...maybe he wasn't the the brains behind Tina, but man he could play the concussion, a vegan who doesn't drink Juicy Juice, Janet Jackson's costume designer for the Superbowl, person who went to see "You Got Served" at the theatre to pick up latest and greatest dance move...so I can laugh at your dumbass, anyone who hasn't been on the Atkin's diet, a dancer who isn't just paying her way through school...and admits that she really does just like the MONEY, girl into kinky things (fisting, going greek, etc.), rich girl...preferrably with a nice car (I have a soft spot in my heart for Porsches!!), volleyball players, people who own every "Weird" Al Yankovic album...and can sing along, anyone who hasn't married J-Lo (when is it my turn!), anyone with a star tattoo, any rock-a-billy girl with a set of cherries tattooed on her and Dr. Phil.Any person who has watched the "Dave Chappelle" show and has refrained from doing a lousy impression...You know those of you that have done it..."WHAT!!?"...."OOO..KKKK!!!"...."YEEAAAA!!!".....or the ever annoying "I'm Rick James biatch!!"..Since most of you are from upper middle class white america, and probably had never heard of either Lil' Jon or Rick James prior to watching the impressions...and couldn't do an impression reminiscent of someone appearing on amateur night, at the Apollo....piss off and stop doing it. OOOO-KKKKK!Any person who thinks that it is a good idea to flip your collar up...I mean you weren't even able to remember the 80's (assuming you were born in them), don't own a copy of Breakfast Club and don't know who the Flock of Seagulls were (except what you saw on the Wedding Singer)...Any person who thinks it's cool to wear flip flops out to a bar or club. I mean, have you seen the bar scum...and you want that on your toes! I don't care how clean you are...no one wants to see your damned feet. .Oh yea...I'd also like to meet a girl who wears really, REALLY fucking tight pants...one of those big white belts and has that Karen O hair...I mean...I just haven't seen any of THEM around...especially not in Tampa. Yea...You know who you are.Also high on the "wish list" of those I'd like to meet...Canadians...I love you all! Sure you have a bad rap for being pussies...I mean your military is a bunch of horse mounted fuckheads wearing all red (think British circa Independence War)...AND...you also have the whole coming down here...staying past your visas...and marrying not to get thrown-out thing going on as well...BUT-I'm over that...Fuck it...I want to marry one of YOU...as the idea of free medical care is quite enticing...especially with the amount of injuries I seem to sustain.
OOOH!!!and anyone who can pass this TEST!
DengDeng (Insanity Test)
Music:
the Absence, At the Drive-In, Louis Armstrong, Avail, Bad Brains, Bane, Blood for Blood, Bright Eyes, Butthole Surfers, Johnny Cash, David Allen Coe, Clutch, the Clash, the Cranes, the Cure, the Dead Milkmen, Death Cab for Cutie, Death from Above, Depeche Mode, Fugazi, Glassjaw, Al Green, Group X, Guns-n-Roses, Billie Holliday, Horse the Band, Interpol, Jawbreaker, the Jon Benet, Joy Division, Carole King, Last of the Bad Men, Le Tigre, the Mars Volta, the Make-Up, Mazzy Star, MC5. Minor Threat, Mira, Modest Mouse, Motley Crue, Norma Jean, the Pixies, the Pogues, Poison, Poison the Well, the Postal Service, Pretty Girls Make Graves, Propagandhi, Red House Painters, Nina Simone, Carly Simon, the Shins, Slayer, Strife, the Thermals, They Might Be Giants, Thrice, Thursday, Turbonegro, the Voice, David Allen Wade, "Weird" Al Yankovic, the Yea Yea Yea's, Yianni, Zamphyr (MASTER of the pan flute), 80's gangsta' rap and anything that makes my butt wiggle and my feet move!
Movies:
Boondock Saints, Donnie Darko, Requiem for a Dream, Pi, Kill Bill (1 and 2), Supertroopers, Happy Gilmore, Night at the Roxberry, Versus, Battle Royale, Momento, Pam and Tommys family vacation, Meet the Deedles (yea, Dweezle Zappa is dreamy), Breakin' 2 (Electric Boogaloo...)...
Television:
Waste of time in an already hectic schedule...
Books:
Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, On the Road, the Dirt, the Celestine Prophecy, the Karma Sutra...and anything by Judy Bloom (excluding "Superfudge: Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing")
Heroes:
My dad...for staying with my mom all of those years...and vice versa. Oh...and this damned kid...
