I am the bastard child of Beelzebub, the result of a one night drunken monkey sex romp. It happened about 30 of your Earth years ago. My mother was a half goat, half demon, all nasty prostitute. Looked like she ate the ugly tree, squirted it out and ate it again. After giving birth to me, my father found out that his one night romp resulted in the birth of me, he vowed to correct it. A few years went by but after one too many times of my mother trying to eat me, I sold her out and sent a message to my father. He showed up and unleashed the wrath that only Beelzebub could. It was awesome. The things I saw are too gruesome to talk about here. Afterwards, I thought I'd be able to rule Hell along side my father since I gave up my mother for being the whore that she was but I forgot who my father was. He was still the Devil, so he screwed me. I know what you're thinking and yes to both of them. So he banished me to the 13th level of Hell to spend eternity doing all of the mundane evil doings. For example, say you are working on your final term paper and you just finished typing the last sentence, you go to save the paper before you print it and your computer crashes and you lose 3 months of work. Well, that's the kinda shit I do. My powers are slowly increasing though. But since I'm not 100% Devil it's taking a lot longer. I am concocting a fiendish plot however to steal all the souls that get sent to Hell. You see, the souls that get banished to Hell for evil deeds are what keeps Satan alive and powerful. If I can divert the souls to me then I will become more powerful and the new ruler of Hell. MWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA...*cough-cough-hack-snerk-hoorrrkkk*
- Personal Assistant
- Shift Leader (3 Total)
- Project Manager
- Numerous Recruits For my Army of the Kinda Dead
- Masseuse
- Stool
- Chef
- Kitchen Staff
- Fire Eater
- Fluffer
- Sword Swallower
- Contortionist
- Magician
- Animal Trainer
- Dookie Shoveler
- Maid
- Computer Programmer
- I.T.
- Puppy Kicker
- Stone Mason
- Stripper(s) For my Stripper Army of the Not Quite so Dead Yet
- Witch Doctor
- Ass Wiiper
- Cartoonist
- Janitor
Contact me to apply. If you don't meet the requirements I will anally disembowel you, set you on fire and then urinate on your ashes. If you do meet the requirements I will anally disembowel you but I'll buy you dinner afterwards.