AshZelly profile picture

AshZelly

I am here for Friends

About Me

At 6 I was orphaned when my parents were devoured by a voracious hoard of hedgehogs which had been living in the diamond mine where they had been working. I took sole responsibility for my sister, Constantine, who was 4 years my junior. Clad in dresses I sewed together from used tea-bags we begged on the streets of Istanbul. Constantine succumbed to diphtheria and languished shortly before her 3rd birthday. While mourning I wandered the streets drunk on cherry wine (which is the only kind they will sell to 7 year-olds there). A month later I awoke at Ms. Tilly's Finishing School for chronically misbehaved and slovenly girls. Apparently I had been kidnapped by a pack of traveling bandits who hoped to sell my hair as spun platinum rope, only to their disappointment, my matted braids were far too filthy to regain their former luster. They left me on door stop of my new home with a short apology which summarized the events of the past several weeks and brass locket with a dull ruby inside, their reason for doing so mystified me. I spent the following years sleeping under the rotting shingles of the school. My only friend was another orphan, a mute, who was called May, and a large rat I shared my stale tea biscuits with. The three of us would play checkers with broken buttons and thimbles in a crawl space Ms. Tilly was unaware of. When I was released, on my 18th birthday, I vowed to return for my friends and to expose the cruelties perpetuated within the stone confines of the school. I went to the local authorities who were unsympathetic to my distress and I was thrown onto the cobblestone curb that hugged the parameter of the station. My dented brass locket broke split in two and the my ruby fell into a deep crack just beyond my desperate outreached arms . I wailed; the loss of my treasured yet worthless dull ruby bestowed upon me a clarity on the unfortunate situation I had found my self in. I choked on bitter tears and felt the bruises form under my knees and palms, which felt cemented to the cold grey ground beneath them. Then something beyond me sparkled; it was the ruby. After years of bouncing around inside the locket, after being continuously hit against brass walls durig turbulent travels, the ruby burst from its dull cage as a polished deep red jewel. The shadow of a tall horse mounted man spilled across the ground in front of me obscuring my gaze. He lifted me up and asked me to share my story. A look of astonishment washed over his face... he was the youngest of the bandits. He explained that he had been kidnapped as I had, but was assimilated into the group when his lock-picking skills proved useful (most orphans are exceptionally resourceful and good to have around in a bind). He apparently had grown very fond of me during my drunken stay amongst the pack. In an attempt to protect me from the horrors party to a thief's life he left me at the school. His last gesture before leaving me there was to put his locket around my neck. Inside the locket dull ruby; a promise. After a life of trials and adventures the bandit had acquired wealth and knowledge. He had returned to rescue me as a polished suiter, barely related to the person he was 10 years earlier. He had abandoned his life of crime, but was still able to call upon his former associates who liberated the prisoners of Ms. Tilly's. awful school. I heard that May and the rat became pirates who travel around the world freeing children from orphanages. As for me and my bandit? I kissed him softly on hiss eyelids and said goodbye so that I could keep my happy ending.

My Interests

office supplies, ledger paper, biological curiosities, social awkwardness, glue guns

I'd like to meet:

whoever holds the other half of this amulet.

Music:

Ennio Morricone, Tiger! Tiger!, RFTC, AEW, The Red Paintings, Phillip Glass, Pixies, The Mars Volta, At the Drive in, The Faint, Now it's Overhead, Kronos Quartet, Interpol, Johanna Newsom, Rasputina, MC Chris, RiloKiley, Nuetral Milk Hotel, The Postal Service, Jackie Chan singing in the Chinese version of Mulan

Movies:

SHOUT STOMP SCREAM! City of Lost Children, Delicatessen, Dead Alive, Water Ship Down, Plauge dogs, Shaun of the Dead, Evil Dead, FIst Full of Dollars, Once upon a time in the West, Dark Crystal, Alice (Spunkmeyer?), Cemetary Man, Fright Night, Wet Hot Amarican Summer, Indiana Jones, Ghost Busters, Ghost World, Adventures of Barron Von Munchausen, Monty Python and the Holy Grail,The Adventures of Unico, The Merchants of Cool, Kenshin, Manos-Hands of fate(mst3k), shoalin soccer/kung fu hustle, donnie darko, Spirited Away,Taxi Driver, Harold and Maude, Heathers, Triplets of Bellvue,dustin diamond teaches chess.

Television:

Frisky Dingo, Black Books, Spaced,Dark Place, Mr Show, Red Dwarf, The Daily Show, Star Trek, Wonder Falls, Dead Like Me, Penn and Teller Bullshit, Bottom, The Adventures of Pete and Pete, Adult Swim (everything & Sealab + 100000), Invader Zim, Kids in the Hall, Foster's Home for Imagenary Friends, Fire Fly

Books:

Where the Wild Things are, Series of Unfortunate Events, Sandman comics, Coraline, Alice in Wonderland, The Grimm Fairy tales, Strewell Peter, Cather in the Rye, Farenheight 451, Lord of the Flys, To Kill a Mocking Bird, Creature Tech, Hitch Hiker's guide to the Galaxy, Edward Gorey.

Heroes:

my dad...and batman!

My Blog

http://www.flickr.com/photos/ashzelly/

will put up the:wedding shower, soapbox, baltimore film festival, earl, and art pics within the next few days :)
Posted by AshZelly on Thu, 18 May 2006 08:26:00 PST

Ashley's theory-o-de-evolutuion

Ok here's my theory: the intelligence of a genral population can be expressed by a bell curve. The extremely intelligent and extremely stupid rest at polar ends of the model and the rest of us fall so...
Posted by AshZelly on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

pizza

After waiting an hour for my pizza to arrive I can understand the joy an expectant mother feels when she finally has her baby...and then eats it.
Posted by AshZelly on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

I am a little babble fish

i just watched the teaser for the new hitchhikers guide to the galaxy movie. dear god i am so fucking scared, the idea of my little sister being able to buy the t-shirt at hot topic makes me feel a l...
Posted by AshZelly on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

ILC

I am sitting in the ILC and an obnoxious guy who looks like Vanilla Ice just sat down next to me and is singing (I swear to god) Opps I did it again under his breath, it is disturbing on so many le...
Posted by AshZelly on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

i am a big umbrella flavored loser

I am sad in a pissed off kind of way. my friend said that i was a spoiled rich girl and then he turned around and said his scenester girlfriend was cooler then me because she wears dolce cabana, do y...
Posted by AshZelly on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Will somebody please take me mini golfing this week?

That's all I wanted to say.
Posted by AshZelly on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

My Dinner with Hamdy

Friday night I went to an opulent dinner party at a palatial home on the side of the canyon. The occasion was sabot with Fullbright Scholarship students from Iraq. I was disappointed to see that the...
Posted by AshZelly on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

music

When I walk around school listening to music on headphones I fell like I m in on a secret nobody else knows about. Suddenly instead of being overwhelming annoyed by everyone I see them as amusing ch...
Posted by AshZelly on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

what I hate

Why is there no dislikes section on this thing? Is it terrible that I think you can define somebody as much by what they dont like as what they like? Its just awful& on that note here is what I hate...
Posted by AshZelly on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST