apesgrapes profile picture

apesgrapes

vomit on me baby.

About Me

apesgrapes
Climb Aboard my Clown Blog
fao: anyone emailing me about stag dos.
that David Blaine’s new stunt in that park.
come on then priince, i’ll have you out you cunt.
surely its time to make Sir Paul McCartney a saint eh.
GTA4, video games & violence. my take on it all.
erm, austria. a quick word if that’s ok.
fao: technology inventors. yeah i mean you, you poindexter cunt.
fao: Tony the Tiger.
Go on Prince Harry - get stuck into those Tallyban.
right ok, thats me banned from the library then eh.
so we’re getting that sharia law in england eh.
an apesgrapes christmas carol
mobile phone bluetooth headsets eh.
fao: Dog the Bounty Hunter.
by fuck. that tutankhamen WAS cursed after all then eh.
ok, just to clarify - it’s a totally biased review eh
that kate moss lipstick ad. "get the london look"
those disgraceful paparazzi, pursuing Wills & that Kate eh
hey fiddy, and diddy or puff d or whatever the fuck
aye, so i got deleted eh.
Princess Diana - lets just let her rot eh?
take a fucking look at this bastard eh
phew. the FTSE100 has recovered slightly
so anyway, i downloaded one of them podcasts
formula 1? formula wank more like.
how about my carbon footprint in your bollocks eh
ikea. get to fuck eh.
paintballers. do me a fucking favour eh.
FAO: Madonna
that angelina jolie eh.
[ subscribe to this blog and get a puppy. click here eh ]
apesgrapes
Climb Aboard my Clown Bus
I am Northumberlands best midget clown EVER . You can hire me for parties and. My show will has thefollowing:

    Balloon animals (sausage dogs, and hippos, worms and more!) Custard Pies and foam pool fun. Clown Car and small tricycle (funny) Barnie the Clown Dog NEW!!! Also available for private adult shows (extra charge fortouching)

Available for:

    Weddings & BirthdaysHen & Stag nights (Hen nights preferred). Bar Mitzvah party nights Funerals & Wakes (Special Offer - enquire for details) Ann Summers demonstration evenings

you can book me at my website here (click)

My Interests

i no longer do dwarf throwing. it might be funny for you but once when they were drunk i ended up two broken ribs, had one of my best costumes ripped and ruined. and i was urinated on by 3 men,or maybe just 2. .. so no. please dont ask to throw me because you cant. thanks

I'd like to meet:

Who I would like to meet.

Your wife and your kids for clown fun.

An urgent appeal!!

This is Barnie the Clown Dog has been to the vets and will be having puppies. They dont know how many yet but I need good homes for each one.

Go to my website if you want one. They are free because Barnie is a mongol so I can't sell them anyway. i will s end them first class post so sorry i can't send them to america or australia.

Movies:

My favourite film is willow . I would marry joanne whalley even now when she is probably 40. the film was done by Richie Cunnighmam from the Fonzie Show.I also like Time Bandits and Get Carter . Especially the bit when Michael Caine pushes Alf Roberts (from Corrie) off the top of that carpark the fucking fat cunt.

Television:

its shit though eh..

Books:

Bleh, books...

Heroes:

..My heroes are him from Willow who has been in other stuff aswell. I also liked the one who played Daniam in some kids program when I was younger but I cant remember what it was called. Willow was also in all the Leprechaun films which are fucking class. i like the 6th one the best Leprechaun in the hood with Ice T, but the first would have been the best if he'd got to shag Rachel out of friends who was in it.

My Blog

fao: anyone emailing me about stag dos

i suppose the first stag do to have a midget dressed as a smurf hand-cuffed to the groom all day was fairly funny. the second time was probaly a bit funny but any after that are just unoriginal shit.b...
Posted by apesgrapes on Wed, 15 Oct 2008 06:48:00 PST

that David Blaine’s new stunt in that park

piss off you boring fucking wanker. absolutely no-one gives a shit.
Posted by apesgrapes on Mon, 22 Sep 2008 02:24:00 PST

come on then priince, ill have you out you cunt.

fucking inadequate tool. "oooh look at me, i surround myself with gorgeous dancers who all want to shag me etc etc,". but to be fair mate, you're paying them and not shagging them you fucking sad excu...
Posted by apesgrapes on Fri, 30 May 2008 02:17:00 PST

surely its time to make Sir Paul McCartney a saint eh

from some shit news thing this week:Paul McCartney 'horrified' as his eco car is flown 7,000 miles from Japan .The Lexus LS600H, which costs £84,000, was a gift from Lexus to the 65-year-old former Be...
Posted by apesgrapes on Sat, 17 May 2008 02:30:00 PST

GTA4, video games & violence. my take on it all.

ok, i'm old. but that means i've been playing violent video games since 1982 when Zoom on the ZX Spectrum expected you to shoot tanks & planes to save the refugees, but like everyone else back the...
Posted by apesgrapes on Fri, 02 May 2008 01:53:00 PST

erm, austria. a quick word if thats ok

austria. official population 8m, but add another 300k if you count all the teenage girls locked up in cellars.what in fucks name is wrong with you? you come accross all speccy normal with your chocola...
Posted by apesgrapes on Mon, 28 Apr 2008 02:24:00 PST

fao: technology inventors. yeah i mean you, you poindexter cunt.

help me out here right. we’ve had mobile phones for maybe 10 years. gradually getting smaller, and easier to navigate. it takes a couple of presses with a thumb and you can either phone a friend...
Posted by apesgrapes on Sun, 06 Apr 2008 12:37:00 PST

foa: Tony the Tiger.

when the milk race passed though here, maybe early80s, it was sponsored by kellogs. fucking great it was, top notch cycling round the town, and loads of big fuck off lorries made to look like cereal p...
Posted by apesgrapes on Mon, 10 Mar 2008 02:53:00 PST

Go on Prince Harry - get stuck into those Tallyban.

this makes me proud to be english.at last, a Windsor joins the army and actually puts his life on the line for Queen & country. Side by side with other brave british soldiers battling the enem..ha...
Posted by apesgrapes on Thu, 28 Feb 2008 11:50:00 PST

right ok, thats me banned form the library then eh.

i was fucking minging on friday night, asdas stella rip-off is as cheap as fuck so i got 8 cans of it (belgique its called, and nice eh) and had no wirk this weekend so also got a cheap bottle of bran...
Posted by apesgrapes on Sun, 24 Feb 2008 01:17:00 PST