This is the music I write, the extensions of me and experiences I've had. Listen and absorb me like a sponge. A sound sponge. Just don't mop the floor with my head. That'll hurt.
NUGGETS OF JOY!
I had this dream I worked at the Hustler store downtown, except it was more like a Super Wal-mart, because half of it was groceries and half of it was smut... and I was selling three lobsters. - Monica Villareal
I love the way the machine warms my lap like a hypoallergenic robokitty. - Noah Sanders
If men are dogs, then women are bitches. - James Ciezlikowski
I am NOT a bong. - Monica Villareal
But you hang out with him all the time... you should totally bang him. - Christopher Eadie
Get your hands out of the donkey!!! - Monica Villareal
You can't make sourkraut sexy. - Cody Kelly
My father would come out of the bathroom every morning and it would smell like hot minty poo. - Candice Surrency
Why do you want different water - this is the only water we've got. - A CSR at McDonald's, in reply to my request for tap water that doesn't taste like Mountain Dew
Clearly somebody already owns Luxury Tax. - Christopher Eadie, drunkenly playing monopoly
Somewhere, there's a graveyard of Monica stories... - Monica Villareal
I wish that marriages were still arranged, so I didn't have to think about dating. - Joseph Schmickrath
The mormons have Kahuna! We gotta go! - Drake Bell
What was your quote the other day about the time warp and the sombrero? - James Cieslikowski
Giving a housefly glasses is like giving a bear nunchuks. - Stephen Colbert, the Colbert Report
I.... ran into the banana rack. - Christopher Eadie
If life gives you lemons... hang yourself. - Noah Sanders
I love how all the food is colored brown, and then, some of it is colored not-brown. - Charlee
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneres
Corderoy... the pants that sing - Walter Werth
Don't you know a fat bitch cares more about ho-hos and ding-dings than your ho-hos and ding-dongs? - Overheard in a Chatroom
Hello. My name is Papa Smurf, and I'm feeling sexy. - Nas
I am about the same as a portabella mushroom. - Robert (waiter at Steak N' Shake)
Robert: What possible reason would you not want to be a vampire?
Me: Is there a 401K?
Robert: No, but there is a dental plan. - Robert Sudberry
Brad: I once had an argument with myself and lost.
Me: What was it about?
Brad: I don't remember, I just remember realizing I had no idea what I was talking about. - Brad McPherson
Meese = multiple moose. Meeses = multiple multiple moose?... Meeses = moose cubed? - Me
Stay away from the church. In the battle over science versus religion, science offers credible evidence for all the serious claims it makes. The church says, "Oh! It's right here in this book, see? The one written by people who believe the sun is magic." - Seth MacFarlane
I've been thinking a lot about tumbleweeds... and I want one. - Noah Sanders
Getting drunk is kind of like masturbation... it's no fun unless there's someone else involved. - Me
Man, this is really Snickerdoodly! - Marcus Walton
We've got one of those logs with Jesus on it. - Marcus Walton
It's going slower than a herd of turtles through a cloud of peanut butter. - Some guy on the phone
Did I tell you guys about that time I thought I was metallica? Like, the whole band? - John Michael
Monica: You know what entropy is?
Me: It's change, or the theory that everything changes.
Monica: No. Imagine a room full of children, all being really silent, and really good. Now throw a handful of cookies at them. Now they're all screaming and shouting and fighting, and screaming "Ah!!! Cookies!"...
Me: Yeah, but, who threw the cookies?
Monica: That doesn't matter! - Monica Villareal
I think he's in love with me, but he's ugly. I know that sounds superficial, but he's REAL ugly. - Stacie
Nic: I wish they made gloves for your feet.
Me: Those are called socks, sweetie.
I'm little, but I'm feisty. I got a taser. - Stacie (as a follow up to this, she brought her taser along next time we saw her)
I wanna new teammate. My teammate's stoned. - Monica Villareal
Its okay that I look rough! Once I lay down a little bit, I'm gonna look like Don King with boobies. - Stacie
So I thought this was kinda cool...
