(((((BW INC. Company Teleservice Digiscript))))))
AND NOW A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE CEO OF BRANDON WHITE INTERNATIONAL DISTRACTION AND LOAN INC., BERNSTAN FELLMANN
(cue lights, shark blood, slow "pondering" zoom in of product, product naturally being in this case, Brandon White).
Bernstan Fellmann: Gentle women and men of America and less concrete international interests, im pleased to introduce a new wave in Brandon White. This may be our Brandonest White yet!
(cue "Hill of Eyes)
We have tempered and tuned this year's BW into a smirking midyouth idol that vomits cash. AND he doesn't know how to work his hands, so he can't pick up the money/vomit.
Fancy THAT!
What? Ok.. OKAY! Shit.
Sheila in Standards & Practices has just informed me that we as a company are REQUIRED to state that this years BW may, and let me emphasize MAY, contain trace elements of hucksteristics, salt water, badd poetry, half-truths, and parodies of corporate meetings. I now offer my time in order to answer your various queries.
Phil Graciousness, accounting: Mr. Fellman, sir, uh, the office has been "a-buzzing" with purported news that this years BW will smell less drug, and will be newly scented more with the distant, yet faraway, aroma of retarded. Can you confirm or deny these exciting shifts in the Brandon White product?
Bernstan Fellmann: Ahem, well thats an interesting questio--egandle OLSIANA!!!!!!!!!!!
(Bernstan now morphs into the 1,982 headed chickenhawk he secretly always was and flies away. forever. This Years Brandon White is finally freed by the shitty broken english pseudo-"joke"/spell posed by Brandon White incognito as Phil Graciousness. The mirror has freed it's owner. And the keyboards at the end of "Superwoman" by Stevie Wonder declare themselves the new chirping birds of heaven)
PREVIOUS BAND PRESS RELEASE
Im 999 pounds and live in a heroin dumpster. Im married and have 998 kids. I like to go to wine parties and refer to songs I made up as "my children". Than piss into the fireplace and call that "my
cousins". I have painted 997 portraits. . Herman Blount got it right the first time. I wrote a song about a football team once and its probably better than the one I wrote about france. I been at this for nearly half of my life. I used to play a bike radio electronic horn when it was low on batteries. I miss that tape. Duh, yes ma'am!
