kennybee profile picture

kennybee

I Try To Constantly Re-invent Myself Today

About Me



MySpace Layouts

My Interests

keeping life on the easy side. i don't go out to clubs at all! i guess that keeps me trusted! you'll always know where to find me. I love the sound of music, in my bedroom the music is always on. i love to cook for friends. having close friends over on a sunday afternoon is very cool. I don't watch too much tv, but when i do, it's tvland!

I'd like to meet:



Make your own PhotoShow

Music:

Having Little fun when your not hurting anyone is just what it is........fun. I like to call it the lay-away plan. Sure at the age of twenty three one might state that smoking some weed now and then is harmless. Think about it, this stuff has been around for years! remember the peace pipe with the Indians? But for most, this can also lead to a wrath of problems that's a sure bet to hit you in about 15 more years. You see the body may blow out the stuff of in about 33 days, but the traces of every hit you take will stay with the body IE, lungs, nervous system and the brain for years and years to come. It's really hard to fashion the thoughts of killing yourself when it feels so good. Smoking which adds about 400 known substances after you add fire to the cigarette you are putting into your body after you light up and puff away. However "pot" adds about 4000 known chemicals once you add fire to the tip and start to inhale. The ability to reason and think is a fact, and the all around motor skills will slowly leave you. To find it more harder to rebuild and replace. Along with those fucked up mood swings all addicts get! I know I've been there! Forget the suggestions then comes the facts on the gateway drugs one might open themselves too. Most folks will fight you on taking a trip or not taking a trip! To get high and be up on speed! Or weed and feel so down the flies won't even land on you! What about acid, Just seeing what's not there! Everything around us is still based on some form of light and electric currents and magnetic chemicals impulses that keeps us alive and seeing what we see and feel. How ever most people don't want to party with the folks who are nodding out and getting sick when they are out of "black!" The tweekers are keeping the police very busy because they are the biggest reason for prop 36 and you really cant trust them, they steal too much. And they don't want to hang with guys that are smoking bud. Pot smokers are too laid back and boring. True...... sex is best when your on E But what about that hole it leaves in the middle of your brain.....No kidding! sure you want to get touched when your on the stuff, but everyone is dancing at the rave! Crack should tell you something. What a fucking way to lose weight! then there is coke....the rich white mans drug. The only good thing about pot is the fact that i have never heard of anyone ODing on it. just try your best to keep it real. After being in a in house rehab for 15 months straight you begin to see allot of good people go out, go wrong then go bad. Many have said in groups, time and time agin, The gate way drug was weed! till one new hit of something else takes them off guard and sometimes off the market. Slowly from that point on they have worked they way down. Funny most say that they have never seen it coming. But nobody i know smokes anything and has anything. They lose shit by the day until the end. These are the numbers. For everyday you party, you take away about 4 days pay for your lifestyle you currently live.If you live paycheck to paycheck that is. We have to barrow off of what we don't have just to make it to the next month. If you don't live on your own then these numbers will not effect you. But getting to the point of when you are on your own without roommates is the goal you would think people would want to be. If you live at home with mom or dad, chances are you are not going anywhere soon. You can't go nowhere if you don't know know how to live, most young people fail at this very fast. But that's how you learn! If you live at home with your family chances are your parents have what they have because they are not doing the things you are doing........I am not trying to be rude! But it's true. If you work for nothing all day chances are at the end of the day you will still have nothing! It takes time to understand what i am writing to you about, until you get threw life the right way threw hard work and discipline. Then throw it all away little by little by weekend partying, When i started adding Monday morning to my weekend, that's when i knew i was in trouble! Until to have nothing but a probation officer on your back! So to choose or not to choose is up to you. I don't care what you choose to do. Because i am not doing that no more. I only wish i had somebody like me to tell me this shit when i was 23 and feeling like i am not hurting no one else. The only one i was hurting was myself. We can be friends.......let's see your straight....ok! I won't hit on you. But please don't blow your smoke in my face! Cool? .........Got it!....Cool!

Heroes:

I'm the man in the window!I might seen very vain with all the pictures of me that are posted all over my page. There is a reason for such a thing. I belive i call this "the face in the window" the person you might see today in the window, in the morning as you walk by my house in your neighborhood. Yesterday, i might have ducked if you saw me. Afraid of what thoughts you might have about what i was doing. I used to get lost into the nights. And one day as i looked into the mirror. My eyes were sunken in, cheeks were sucked up. I was lost to the point that i really couldn't recognized my own smile. yet too blind to see the lines on my face and the soul that was slowly dieing inside. The pain i felt was more like a boy that was lost inside of a man. Like a child waiting for his mother to show up yet that never returns at all.I had to try something new. Broken homes was everywhere. The life of motel rooms and forbidden sex, dirty ways became a whacked out way of life. What blows me away is the way people will steal your dope and then turn around and help you find it. And the kind of company i was keeping myself surrounded by. Wow! Nobody ever told you their real name, i thought street names were cool until i found out the real meaning behind it all. But it's a fast life to fall pray to. And today i understand....nobody comes that way. But it's a task that will run it's course. Guaranteed! What i started at and where i ended up is two very different places. Today by the grace of God i am std-HIV-stress Free! the pounds i picked up while staying off the dope is a very constant reminder of what is was like then and just what is like today. Today there is an offering. I 've made it threw the rain, the storm. Now i can see alittle sunshine, the days are growing shorter and the mornings suggest that fall is arriving. Soon there will be falling leaves. And as i face those days i will remember those who have fallen to this fucked up way of living. I still have the memories of the dreams I've worked so hard for.This brings me to today. I can see. When i look out the window today i can find a hint of a smile as i see the lady walk her dog in the morning. But instead of being naked with a pipe in my hand, i have a cup of coffee and breath of fresh air in the back of my mind. It's like watching the rain come down, but enjoying the silence and peace. Not feeling depressed. Today when i look at my page here at myspace, the photo's are for myself. This reminds me of where i am at today. And the life that i would love to live.If your reading this, thank you. But i will ask of you to stare in to the eyes of my picture and see if you can see what i am looking at today. Who knows it could be you!

My Blog

What are my plans for the future?

What are my plans for the future? When I leave drug court my plans are very simple. I dont want to make any major changes at all. I plan to keep working with my sponsor and remaining very active i...
Posted by kennybee on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

i'm ok! really ......i am

I wish I had a bridge that I could walk across. I wish I could cross over to the other side of the river and see just where I came from. But in a way, I guess I am doing that right now. Today I have a...
Posted by kennybee on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

what have i learned so far this year!

What have I learned while you have been in drug court? There are so many things I have learned just by being in drug court. I learned how to be accountable for my self as well as my own actions. Th...
Posted by kennybee on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

It's been a long time!

Well in about 45 days i will have 3 years of sobriety, and also at that time i will be off Probation, And i will also be off of Drug Court! i have done all they have ask me to do! and all 3 of my Drug...
Posted by kennybee on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

the power of ...............................................

when i first started getting high: it was cool! i could pretend that i loved you and we could fuck around All Night! My head was telling me that you were the one for me. and everything about the ...
Posted by kennybee on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

who do you hope to be?

The thrill is gone! Days have gone by. Feels like time is passing my yesterdays behind. Like wind blowing gently blowing across my face. I now feel free. What i was once before, i am no more. Though i...
Posted by kennybee on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

the madness of people!

How can I not let people get under my skin where do I begin. After attaining two years in my own personal sobriety, how does one explain to a group the standards I have set for myself to reach the...
Posted by kennybee on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

Everything is going to be alright!

Space filled with time comes without rhyme and no reason. Changes we bring to the new year, Will be deep and true. and this time i am going to get my place in line. gone are the thoughts of men wh...
Posted by kennybee on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

changes

Changes This year has been one for many changes. At first I didnt buy into the fact that people said that this staying with sobriety stuff really works. This year I have seen many changes in my li...
Posted by kennybee on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST

The power of Love!

don't BE FOOLED BY THE SMILE ON HIS FACE, THE SMOKE IN THE NIGHT AND THE SHIT ON THE MIRROR! What are you thinking? This is that time of year when the homeless come out in full drag to make that fi...
Posted by kennybee on Mon, 01 Jan 1900 12:00:00 PST