Evan - ProfilesArchive

About Me

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name: Evan Kessler
Birthday: November 4th, 1978
Birthplace: Pomona, NY
Current Location: New York City
Eye Color: Hazel or Brown I don't really know
Hair Color: Brown
Height: 5-6 but 5-7 when I'm trying to sound hot
Right Handed or Left Handed: left handed, I'm a genius.
Your Heritage: Russian/Polish/German
The Shoes You Wore Today: Saucony
Your Weakness: can also be your greatest strength
Your Fears: Going undercover as a narc in a high school
Your Perfect Pizza: Butter and Water
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year: Complete financial independence and buying a boat
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger: ROTFLMAOITKOYH or "Rolling on the floor laughing my ass of in the kitchen of your home"
Thoughts First Waking Up: Today is the day I'm finally going to kill again.
Your Best Physical Feature: my eyes or my sweet ass
Your Bedtime: 3am like that crappy matchbox twenty song.
Your Most Missed Memory: Those Reebok Dan and Dave commercials
Pepsi or Coke: Dr. Browns Black Cherry Soda
MacDonalds or Burger King: Wendy's
Single or Group Dates: Well if I'm paying for the sex there's usually a pimp there, does that constitute a group date?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Red Rose Iced Tea
Chocolate or Vanilla: Chocolate, I'm totally like a chocolate fiend.
Cappuccino or Coffee: Tea
Do you Smoke: no
Do you Swear: I promise
Do you Sing: Do I sing?
Do you Shower Daily: Not on Sundays. I give the shower a rest just as the lord intended.
Have you Been in Love: I love you
Do you want to go to College: when I save up enough money from dealing drugs.
Do you want to get Married: when I save up enough money from dealing drugs.
Do you belive in yourself: when I save up enough money from dealing drugs
Do you get Motion Sickness: when I save up enough money from dealing drugs
Do you think you are Attractive: what do you think?
Are you a Health Freak: Well, I wouldn't say I'm a freak, but I health.
Do you get along with your Parents: Scorpio
Do you like Thunderstorms: Bring it yo.
Do you play an Instrument: Mr. Vasile said I didn't have the chops as did Mrs. Turkel-Cohen but I kept trying til 9th grade.
Ever been Drunk: I can drive. I'm totally okay to drive.
Ever been called a Tease: All the time.
Ever been Beaten up: No, whatever. Who told you that?
Ever Shoplifted: I stole a few hearts. Candy hearts.
How do you want to Die: In a bar.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up: Free
What country would you most like to Visit: Belgium
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color: Blue?
Favourite Hair Color: Brown/Black/Red/Blonde/haircolor
Short or Long Hair: long
Height: short
Weight: less than me
Best Clothing Style: sleeves
Number of Drugs I have taken: 2
Number of CDs I own: 600 +
Number of Piercings: 1000
Number of Tattoos: 3000
Number of things in my Past I Regret: 21.4
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!I'd like to think that I'm a cornucopia of useless facts and stories that have no point whatsoever. And man am I hot.

My Interests

www.evankessler.com, www.ifIblogit.com, Standing, sitting, leaping, snowing, raining, guffawing, kayaking. Really anything that ends in - ing except for running. Mandy Moore

I'd like to meet:

People who think I'm "not attractive" on opposite day. Mandy Moore. Kevin Costner.

Music:

Clem Snide, Wilco, Radiohead, Pavement, Pulp, Beck, Old 97's, Idlewild, Ryan Adams,Rilo Kiley, Ben Lee, Ben Folds, Liz Phair, Beth Orton, Elliott Smith, Uncle Tupelo, Aimee Mann, Whiskeytown, Magnetic Fields, R.E.M, Pearl Jam, Brendan Benson

Movies:

Dances With Wolves, A Perfect World, Fandango, Raiders of the Lost Ark, High Fidelity, Better Off Dead, Taxi Driver, Mallrats, The Professional, The Big Lebowski, South Park Bigger Longer And Uncut, Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind, The Jerk

Television:

The Daily Show, South Park, The Family Guy, 24, Mr. Show, Strangers With Candy, The State, The USA Cartoon Express, Pinwheel, You Can't Do That On Television, Turkey TV

Books:

High Fidelity, About A Boy, Cat's Cradle, Catcher in The Rye, All Quiet On The Western Front; Naked, Deadeye Dick, Catch-22, The Fountainhead

Heroes:

Prometheus, Kevin Costner, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, Larry from Three's Company, Mandy Moore, Jeff Tweedy, The Dude.

My Blog

I Made A YouTube Video

I finally accomplished something! I made a youtube video. You should go the If I Blog It They Will Come because it will only make sense in that context. Then you should go to youtube and watch it, ...
Posted by Evan on Thu, 08 Mar 2007 10:44:00 PST

WE NEED YOUR HELP!!!

Hello All of my Myspace friends,The time has come to do a mitzvah for your friend who would gladly do one for you. It seems the initial public fervor over ifIblogit.blogspot.com has died down. After...
Posted by Evan on Wed, 31 Jan 2007 01:02:00 PST

If I Blog It They Will Come

Alright everyone, Evan Kessler has come up with yet another Blog. This probably brings me up to 5 or 6 actual blogs on separate subjects. This one is crazy enough that it might just explode in popul...
Posted by Evan on Thu, 25 Jan 2007 04:16:00 PST

REJOICE!

REJOICE!!! The EvanKessler.com reclamation project has been completed. I've completed archiving all of my posts since June of 2004 on EvanKessler.com. Now you can relive all of the love, lies, and l...
Posted by Evan on Thu, 18 Jan 2007 05:04:00 PST

2007!

This year's official motto: "Everything's coming up Evan in '07". Just thought you should know. It's a marked improvement over "Doing Chicks in '06" and somewhat more personal.The kitten is optimis...
Posted by Evan on Tue, 02 Jan 2007 04:27:00 PST

Balki System Special Guest

The Week 3 Post for The Balki System is fully operational. Check out this week's picks and special guest appearance.The kitten is restless
Posted by Evan on Fri, 22 Sep 2006 01:44:00 PST

The Balki System.

That's right I, Evan Kessler have started a new blog bringing the grand total to either 4 or 5. Anyway, from the makers of Evan Kessler.com comes a brand new venture. Behold...The Balki System!The ...
Posted by Evan on Thu, 07 Sep 2006 10:02:00 PST

The New Evan Kessler.com

Big news everybody! EVANKESSLER.COM IS ALL NEW! New look! New posts! Less clutter. True, some of the old favorites are missing but I'm still trying to figure out a way to make it all live on the ...
Posted by Evan on Thu, 17 Aug 2006 09:56:00 PST

SNAKES ON A SHIRT!!

HOLY CRAP! SNAKES ON A SHIRT!!!! Go to the evankessler.com official store and get the hottest shirt of the Snakes on a plane season before they're all out. Seriously, they're fucking flying off the ...
Posted by Evan on Thu, 03 Aug 2006 12:42:00 PST

Taking My Work To Bed

I have to stop working on these celebrity themed shows. I'm taking my work home with me. It's even invading my dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was dating/engaged to Jennifer Aniston. I was slee...
Posted by Evan on Wed, 26 Jul 2006 07:09:00 PST