Texas

It ain't easy being the greatest state in the union. I get a lotta hate from the other states, but they don't do much about me but bitch and whine and elect my people President. I got more miles of paved highway than the entire country of Russia. I am the only state in which you can declare bankrupcy and still keep up to three guns. I got towns with names like Cut and Shoot, North Zulch, Notrees and Gruene and if you think that's funny, I'll punch ya in yer goddam mouth, Louisiana. And if you think Six Flags is just a name for a theme park, you can kiss my ass. Within my borders, I got three Alamos, the Cowboy Cheerleaders, and a Capitol Building a damn sight higher than that outhouse with a dome up in Washington. I got the prettiest women and the best weed this country's seen. Oklahoma seems to think they can brag nowadays on account of their university football program, and I gotta hand it to 'em: if they keep it up, they might get a professional team one day. But probably not. I have the constitutional right to break up into five smaller states, just like Voltron, and the right to secede. I'm Texas, bitch. Vive Lance!